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Old 05-09-2012, 04:04 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands confession, would this upset you??

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Originally Posted by Cherie View Post
That's like telling a guy he can't look at porn. People need outlets.
Not gonna get into a porn debate, but not everyone looks at porn...be it pics, online, or video. I have seen some, yes. Wasn't my thing. My DH is totally against porn. It's religious convictions, and we agree on it. Again, not a debate, just saying not every man uses porn as an "outlet". Not saying that he doesn't find other women attractive. I, of course, certainly find other men attractive. But they are not my "outlets" My DH is, no one else.

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Originally Posted by confusedwithconflict View Post
Telling my SO I think about other people during sex is not an appropriate outlet. And no I don't keep secrets from my H.
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And I don't keep secrets from my DH. I used to, and that led to a very long, painful road I do not want to go down again.

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People fantasize about others during sex.
It would be hurtful and pointless to share these private fantasies with a sex partner and serve no purpose.
Get over it.
Ugh! Again, not everyone fantasizes about other people during sex! I fantasize about other ACTS, with my HUSBAND during sex. Positions I know I am physically incapable of doing now. Regardless of the act, I have my DH in my mind the whole time.

That said, I can admit that there was a time when I DID think of other men... and it only led to disaster in the bedroom, as well as other aspects of our life. In OUR experience, whether people want to believe it or not, thinking of others took away from our feelings for each other.

Believe what you want. Call me delusional if you choose. But I know from my own experience how those thoughts affected me and my marriage.
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Old 05-09-2012, 04:06 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands confession, would this upset you??

Yes it would upset me too.. here is why.

I can honestly say I never fantisize about me having sex with another man when I am with my husband, that being said, I occasionally will run the "highlight reel' of fantasies I have or stimulating porn scenes I may have once watched in my head to "get over the top' once in a while.

The difference....I am picturing a man and a woman engaging in these acts but my husband and I are neither of them. So its kinda of like pushing play on a porno movie in your head where neither you nor your spouse are in it.

If my husband said he fantisized about a specfic person he/we knows while having sex with me it would make me feel like a blow up doll
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Old 05-09-2012, 04:11 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands confession, would this upset you??

Marcicha, no one thinks your delusional as not eveyrone is cut from the same cloth - but if there WAS a time where you have thought of others as you have said, then there you go - you see how her DH could fall victim to it as well.

As far as porn goes...I find the men that are the most against it are the ones with the secret lives. Check your internet history or that of the history on his laptop or smartphone. Bet it's cleared regularly.
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Old 05-09-2012, 04:13 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands confession, would this upset you??

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Really? You have never once fantisized about someone else?
WHILE having sex with my wife? I can honestly say never. Actually I am not even sure how someone has the capacity to. I am focused on the task(s) at hand and my wife. But I am a man so maybe I can't multi-task there..

Now, when relying on the hand, sure, but that is a wholly different scenario..
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Old 05-09-2012, 04:29 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands confession, would this upset you??

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As far as porn goes...I find the men that are the most against it are the ones with the secret lives. Check your internet history or that of the history on his laptop or smartphone. Bet it's cleared regularly.
Nope. He never clears it and it's open for me to check anytime. Not one single site. As far as the computer, he is never on it anymore. Our 4 year old is on it most of the time. And the TV, we always have on together. Not one single porn site has been accessed. Sorry if that bursts your bubble lol. But, I will concede that, perhaps the reason he DOESN'T view it at all is because of his dad's porn addiction and how it affected his parents' marriage.

And please define secret lives? If you mean PA, there has never been one. EA? Yes, there was briefly.... and I mentioned that in my intro post
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Old 05-09-2012, 04:32 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands confession, would this upset you??

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Maricha, no one thinks your delusional as not eveyrone is cut from the same cloth - but if there WAS a time where you have thought of others as you have said, then there you go - you see how her DH could fall victim to it as well.
Yes, there WAS a time... when I was involved in EA. And that's the point I was making. I only thought of other men when I was checking out of my marriage. Before that, and even now, I only fantasize about him. Just the way I feel about it. I have no need to fantasize about other men. I am happy fantasizing about all the things I can do with my husband.
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Old 05-09-2012, 04:38 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Sorry ladies I am new to the site so not familiar with all of the acronyms yet. I do not know what PA & EA are . explain?

You know, that does not Burst my bubble! It is Refreshing, and I am happy that your husband is not a liar LOL!
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Old 05-09-2012, 04:40 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands confession, would this upset you??

EA = Emotional Affair
PA = Physical Affair
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Old 05-09-2012, 04:52 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands confession, would this upset you??

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Really? You have never once fantisized about someone else?
I just find that hard to believe about anyone. (Not just you, but anyone, male or female, that they only think about one person EVER during sex).

I think of my husband 99% of the time, but I can't say there are not days when my mind might wander to someone else albeit briefly.
That has happened briefly, but I quickly push it down and refocus on her. I would not be surprised if she did the same.

However, I have never been having sex with my wife but thinking about another woman for any length of time, such as closing my eyes and imagining I was having sex with a famous actress. I really focuse on my wife when I am with her.
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Old 05-09-2012, 05:29 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands confession, would this upset you??

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EA = Emotional Affair
PA = Physical Affair
In most cases what is believed to be an EA is really a PA but the BS doesn't want to believe that so they call it an EA because it's easier to handle.

If they're exchanging I love you's and texting back and forth dozens of times a day and there's no sex between the two married partners and the betraying partner has met in person with the supposed EA partner its NOT an EA no matter what they might think.
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Old 05-09-2012, 05:44 PM   #41 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands confession, would this upset you??

Ok, donders... let me clarify... mine and my husband's were, in fact, EA, not PA. There was no chance of ever meeting in real life. We live in the Midwest. His lived on the west coast, mine lived on the east coast of Canada. Anyway, just saying that I do know the difference between the two.
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Old 05-09-2012, 05:59 PM   #42 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands confession, would this upset you??

The reactions here indicate that Dad was right - "Lie until you die" is sometimes the best policy.

I'd never cheat on her.
I think she's a stone-cold fox with a brickhouse body.
Sometimes the images of other women I know pop in my head while we make love.

There seems to be absolutely no reason to be honest about this...
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Old 05-09-2012, 06:48 PM   #43 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands confession, would this upset you??

Hmmm. I had to rack my brain to be sure, but I can't remember ever thinking of having sex with someone else while having sex with my husband. As someone else said, I'll do the "porno reel" in my head on occasion, but that's no different than watching it on TV during sex.

Maybe my husband has fantasized about other women during sex with me, but he's never said or indicated that. If he does, he realizes it would be crass to tell me!

On a side note, I do verbalize a fantasy of his during foreplay (walking him through an exhibition scene), but we're both engaged in it, so that's not the same.
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Old 05-09-2012, 07:08 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands confession, would this upset you??

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I married my husband for many reasons, but one of the biggest ones was he was the first person who was able to overwhelm me sexually just by sheer focus alone and that hasn't waned at all. He might be in la-la land but if he is, he's such a good actor my hypersensitivity cannot pick up on it. But he's also one of those who doesn't watch porn either, and they don't exist either so...lol.
Love that FrenchFry!
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Old 05-09-2012, 07:13 PM   #45 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands confession, would this upset you??

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I guess that means my DH is lying when he says he only thinks of me during sex? I think only of my DH, even when getting in the mood when he's not around. My own experience, when I think of someone else, it leads to disaster.
No he is probably not lying. I am totally 100% into my wife when we have sex. I need no external fantasy to "get off". I have never fantasized while having sex with my wife. I am living one out. Seriously.
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