Missing my husband...working hours... suggestions?

Icing · 05-10-2012, 08:04 AM

So, my husband and I are very young.. he's 23 I'm 24. We met online and are currently solving our long distance issues... seems like it would take at least 3 more months before we can live together.

When we first met, we were both in college and therefore had a lot of time to hang out and talk, we could spend pretty much most of the day together.

However, I'm currently unemployed and he just started a new job therefore, he's gone all day, gets home and is with me for about 2 hours before he feels tired and wants to go to sleep. Those 2 hours go faster than the speed of light...

I miss him terribly much im getting pretty depressed... Im trying to stay distracted but I dont have many options. Most of my friends are working so its not like i can hang out with them during the day either... so for the most part.. I'm alone..

any suggestions?

Bottled Up · 05-10-2012, 08:14 AM

First and foremost, communicate this to him very openly and lovingly... without it coming off as pressure (since he's already working a full day). But he probably doesn't have a genuine understanding of how much you miss him and need him, and if he did he might start to focus more on how you guys can make more time for each other.

You need to be a little creative here... try and think of windows of opportunity. For example, how far away does he work? Is he close enough where you can meet him for lunch breaks? Not only will that allow you two to connect mid-day, but it can also be an opportunity for some excitement if you wanted to have a sexy rendezvous as well... could really spice things up for you guys.

I also suggest you both read the book His Needs, Her Needs – it is a fantastic reading about the give and take in relationships and since you're both young it is a perfect time to get a good understanding of how to make your future work together, because it's a very long road ahead. This book will seriously help secure your future together if you take it seriously and live by it.

Icing · 05-10-2012, 08:47 AM

Thanks a lot for your response, I'll look into the book since I have so much free time and I've been looking for new books to read.

However, we've been married for almost a year now, and we still are unable to live together due to the fact that we met online and are still processing all the necessary paperwork to allow me to move to him.. we have probably about 3 more months of this distance...

I'm probably going to be doing what you said once im there.. but its the fact that we have a long distance relationship atm that kinda adds another dimension to how much i miss him

Bottled Up · 05-10-2012, 08:59 AM

Wait, you met online or at college? How did you see each other almost every day at college but you met online? I'm confused now.

Icing · 05-10-2012, 09:06 AM

lol we met online.. but we were able to spend most of our days hanging out.. online.. like talking through skype etc.. for the most part.. aside of having to go to classes and the occasional going out with friends we spent all day together, essentially we were always around.. and I guess.. I got used to it.

When he told me he was getting this job I knew this would shorten our time together which we've always loved and since we met we've never wanted time apart anyways... but I can't help missing him a lot and being sad because he's not around..

Bottled Up · 05-10-2012, 09:27 AM

Wait so all this time you've spent "hanging out" previously was entirely online??? You've never actually met each other in person?

TBT · 05-10-2012, 09:31 AM

Have you thought of volunteering,temp jobs or local women's groups.I know volunteering does look good on a resume.

lamaga · 05-10-2012, 09:32 AM

I'm going to suggest, as gently as possible, that this is not a marital problem. This is a problem with you and your own maturity. Let's say you get a job and are working -- then you are still only going to have 2-3 hrs a day to interact. The problem is that you have not developed any inner resources. He is your husband, not your Wii, and it's not his job to entertain you or keep you from being bored. Go, go out, develop interests, read newspapers or books or magazines, have something to bring to the table.

I know it's fun to focus on the guy 24/7 and be all mopey and in love, but it's no way to live long-term. Or even medium-term.

Mavash. · 05-10-2012, 09:35 AM

Your problem is you lost your job, he got a new one and now you have a void that wasn't there before. And yes you got used to having him there all day and now he's not. People do get jobs, have things to do, life happens. No one person should be your sole source of entertainment all day.

You need to find something else to do with your time. Time apart is inevitable. My husband works long hours and I only see him a few hours a day but I have other things to do while he's gone.

This isn't a marital problem it's a boredom problem. YOUR boredom problem not his. He's not bored.

Gaia · 05-10-2012, 09:45 AM

How long have you been together? Have you ever met in person yet? Ever consider meeting in person? btw aside from getting a job and whatnot... you always could read, write, garden, go hiking, or do something to keep your mind off of being bored and alone.

Icing · 05-10-2012, 10:05 AM

we have met in person, we didnt get married online lol... thats not possible..

anyways I know its mainly my problem.. I'm fully aware that thats just how life is, but I guess its cuz I dont have important things to do that I spend a lot of my day missing him... I try to stay distracted but I guess I just dont know what else to do while he's away...

and the fact that i only see him 2 hrs which fly by each night kinda makes me upset

but anyways.. i guess I'll just have to deal with this

Gaia · 05-10-2012, 11:21 AM

If this forum isn't distraction enough.... Try... Plant tycoon, Fate, virtual villagers, or any other wild tanget game.

MadeInMichigan · 05-10-2012, 03:40 PM

Inquiring minds want to know.....how much time have you actually spent IN PERSON together?

PBear · 05-10-2012, 03:47 PM

No offense, but it's not his role to entertain you and make you happy. That wouldn't change if you were living together or not.

My suggestion... Get a job. If there's barriers to to doing that, start tackling those barriers. Find some hobbies or sports. Volunteer.

C
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SimplyAmorous · 05-10-2012, 03:58 PM

I think when you know something is "temporary" , it is so much easier to deal with, I am a little confused by your situation... something about 3 more months living apart ... but he sounds like he is already living there -sleeping there every night.

You sound like a "Time" person (one of the 5 love languages) ... nothing is wrong with this per say, even I would think 2 hours a day is not enough time -every day in & out to be with my husband.... but again...if this is just temporary..you have something to hope for, plan for.

IN the meantime..what are you interested in ....

Could you look into another job during this time... go out with some friends, tear the house apart & clean it, plant a garden, anything you want to research, buy on Ebay, take up a new hobby -find a forum for it ! Life is vast , endless possibilities and plan to make those 2 hours, use them as wisely as possible when he hits the door.