We took our troubles to a very good marriage counselor but he's a guy and I feel like he "just doesn't get it." Just as with my dh, I have to stop my feelings and EXPLAIN them! One time I brought in some pages from my journal for him to read because I thought, At least he'll understand if he READS what I'm feeling. He folded the pages up and tucked them next to himself in the chair and said, "Let's not interrupt the session." I felt so frustrated and embarrassed.
Another time was the morning after I had had a total emotional and physical meltdown the night before while trying to solve this major problem with the dh (which I talked about in another thread here). I kept mentioning about "something happened last night" and "it got so bad I got physical" and stuff like that and the counselor never got the hint! A week later the dh spelled it out crystal clear, and I had to chime in, which was embarrassing and overly analytical, like i had to separate my emotions from the telling of it, and he said, "That was last time? Why didn't you tell me???"
I like his approach in general but being with the two guys in the room is like being ganged up on by "guy think." They just don't get me. My original issue which I brought in at the beginning of counseling was, My husband does not listen to me no matter how carefully I get his attention and speak clearly, etc. But I feel sometimes as if the same thing is happening w/ the counselor.
What I want to know is, Is it me? Or would this be different with a woman listening and watching how we communicate? would a woman see the signs better about how upset I am and maybe realize that it's hard to describe things but you can see them written all over my face, if you LOOK??
Sometimes I am so upset by the topics that come up that I start to shake and feel sick and the counselor has never noticed. Except last time I covered my ears (the dh was describing his relationship with an ex, which made me feel sick), and he said, "Are you doing that for real or are you just acting?" Oh, brother!