We're getting the counseling process going.. we met for an intial consultation and then I had a one-on-one. I got LOTS off my chest when I met with the counselor individually. Now the ball is in her court to schedule her one-on-one; she's had the number for a week and hasn't called.
She is purposely or not-purposely holding the MC process hostage and if she doesn't schedule an appointment soon it looks like I'll be having another one-on-one of my own.
Can you make an appointment for her and then ask her if she will go to it? And, if she doesn't go, you could use it as your one-on-one appointment (assuming this is the MC who is going to be working with you both and with whom you intend to have a follow-up one-on-one with). It would remove any opportunity for her to make excuses about it and then either she'd have to follow through on her commitment or tell you she doesn't want to do so.
Of course, if you don't do things like make appointments or calls for her about other things sometimes, then it might seem like game-playing and if that's the case, then don't do it. It sounds like you want her to own up to what she has promised, not push her toward it and that's a good thing, too.
For your sake, I hope she realizes how serious you are about this. You could, alternatively confront her and just say "It's been a week and you haven't scheduled an appointment. This is really important to me and it is for us to make things better. Will you please prioritize this?" Or some variation which says "I am serious that I need you to do this".
We search for the deep dark meaning. But, usually, this is all there is to it.
Conrad, I've had responses like this from you in the past. You make it sound hopeless. We still have some great times together.. we're just under some stress and had a rough spat last night.
I love my wife dearly and I know she loves me back. If I really thought we were beyond help I wouldn't be here.. how would you improve a situation like this, or would you at all?
I'm revisiting Athol Kay and I think he makes some good points.. some of it applies and some doesn't.
She nags you about your hygiene, plucks stray hair out of your ears, and generally finds your imperfections with laser like precision but your wishes go on the pooh pooh pile? She isn't OCD. Sounds like she's just a little narcissistic and controlling. Her demands will be met or hell will follow. Your requests aren't worth her valuble attention. This crap only works if you give in to it. Resume showering in the morning and quit yielding to the whims of your wookie. When Chewbacca complains, hand her a razor. Nobody died and promoted her to Head Wookie in Charge.
She nags you about your hygiene, plucks stray hair out of your ears, and generally finds your imperfections with laser like precision but your wishes go on the pooh pooh pile? She isn't OCD. Sounds like she's just a little narcissistic and controlling. Her demands will be met or hell will follow. Your requests aren't worth her valuble attention. This crap only works if you give in to it. Resume showering in the morning and quit yielding to the whims of your wookie. When Chewbacca complains, hand her a razor. Nobody died and promoted her to Head Wookie in Charge.
Shaving in the shower with plain old water can be done in a matter of 3 minutes. She's doing this on purpose. If she can brushe her teeth or make a pot of coffee, she can shave her legs.
IMO her not shaving, ESPECIALLY since she knows how you feel about it, is her telling you to GTF away from her. She's sending you a sign, loud and clear.
I like the idea of handing her a razor. Hopefully the reasons why she doesn't want you touching her will come out in counseling. Good luck to you.
Stop showering alltogether. Tell her that before soap and water touches your body again you'll feel a pair of smooth legs on your wife. In the battle between leg fuzz and man funk, my money's on man funk.
eventually you will tie of her poor attitude and see her for who she really is .....and thats a spoiled shrew ...when that happens stick a fork in you because you"ll be done.
my advice is to quit all sex with her and tell her when she wants a true marriage let you know and start finding outside interests.
by the way a true marriage is reciprical in everyway.
not you let the dog chew my slipper so boo hoo .shes the one who left it out in the first place.
Did your wife grow in a male-dominated household or culture?
These BPD-like traits are very prevalent among women from Eastern cultures who find their inner-child at odds with the overly feminist culture of the west, yet the inner-child rarely wins the fight against their ego, hence BPD-like symptoms. I didn't think about this myself until a professional told me about it. Since then, I'm amazed by the pattern and how true it is in most cases.
Did your wife grow in a male-dominated household or culture?
These BPD-like traits are very prevalent among women from Eastern cultures who find their inner-child at odds with the overly feminist culture of the west, yet the inner-child rarely wins the fight against their ego, hence BPD-like symptoms. I didn't think about this myself until a professional told me about it. Since then, I'm amazed by the pattern and how true it is in most cases.
That's an interesting question. I'm sure culture plays into this in ways I don't fully understand yet. She is Puerto Rican/Mexican and a New Yorker. I'm white, Southern, raised Presbyterian. My dad is a pastor and my parents have done counseling.. I've always seen them as a model married couple.
Her parents are still together but don't seem happy. Her dad has made some bad financial decisions which from my understanding is basically costing them their retirement - and I found out very recently that her dad openly - as in, everyone knows it - has a girlfriend/mistress.
It's definitely important, at work, on a social level and on an intimate level as well
If the missus doesn't take care of herself I consider that negligence and meh, she can say bye bye to intimacy from me
Thankfully, she maintains herself to perfection, and always has
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Re: she won't shave her legs 
