Husbands stress and wifes vacation mode

Minncouple · 05-17-2012, 03:58 PM

ok, need some ladies opinions on my situation.

I am the husband. Wife has mentioned I am always angry, wound up, take things to serious. I have a very stressfull career/business. This career/business allows us a very nice lifestyle. House, expensive cars, luxury items, vacations. Now, most people understand that with money, comes stress. I could be a greeter at walmart and have zero stress, but also zero money. I see it as a trade off for the lifestyle we want/like. Wife seems to be blind to this concept. Again, this career is plaqued with these types of traits, it sucks but is all I know, and I do make a very good living doing it.

Wife bascially doesnt work, only part time for my company and the rest cares for the house and what not. Over the years I have determined that our sex life is only good, when I can keep her in "vacation mode". That means I am always cheerful, happy go lucky, and meet all her emotional needs. When she gets stressed, the first thing to go is the sex. I would say that her stress is 50% basic life stuff, and the other 50% due to my stress levels due to bringing in the money.

I am in a bit of a quandry here. I cant keep her in the lifestyle, and stress free with out the money. Yet, if I bring in the money she is stressed due to my stress. Either way our sex life sucks, unless I can keep her in vacation mode. That means pretty much I am the lone ranger with my business and simply play the part she wants me to be as her husband. I then just pack away and keep hidden all my stress and anger, yet still have to show her that I am happy go lucky and fill her needs. I feel I am just building and ready to blow up.

So, my questions....

Am i screwed either way here? advice?

PBear · 05-17-2012, 04:00 PM

Can you learn to handle your stress in a way that doesn't affect her?

C
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CantSitStill · 05-17-2012, 04:05 PM

I understand as a wife that hubby's stress can ruin everyone elses mood. It's very very hard for you to control it I know but hubby has learned to calm down alot, he calls our home a no stress zone and we have been getting along much better because of it. You might want to try IC
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ScaredandUnsure · 05-17-2012, 04:06 PM

Well I can see if you're always irritable and stressed out why your sex life would start to suffer, especially if her emotional needs aren't being met. Does it require you to be in "vacation mode" to meet your wife's emotional needs?

Minncouple · 05-17-2012, 04:13 PM

She will call me during the day or ask how something has turned out and I tell her. Typically in a stressful way as I am wound up. I only sleep good about 2 nights a week. Most times only a vew hours and then I get up and read or watch TV. I have tried stress reduction methods and try and leave stguff at the office, but its a tough busniess and I cant be perfect on bot sides

She does require me to be also in that vacation mode, thats the tough part. I feel like I have no release. I cant talk about work at all or ever mention it, and need to keep her also in vacation mode. I feel like I am burning the candle at both ends here

CantSitStill · 05-17-2012, 04:24 PM

Yep because now my hubby gets it almost every day and sex is a huge stress reliever..it's like "you need a car to get a job but need a job to get a car" same type of senerio..tell her you wanna do anexperiment..have sex every day for a week and see if it makes you feel more in vacation mode

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Minncouple · 05-17-2012, 04:26 PM

Cantsitstill - BINGO.... My main need is sex, I am sure that if I had the sex, it would result in a much better senario for both of us.

I guess she see's it differently.

Hope1964 · 05-17-2012, 04:29 PM

Have you told her what you've told us here?

Minncouple · 05-17-2012, 04:34 PM

Havent told her. I have posted before about her communication skills. They are that of a 4 year old, with ADD, on a sugar high. It's simply pointless.

Hope1964 · 05-17-2012, 04:45 PM

Oh. I'm sorry. that would also be very stressful.

Well if you can't talk to her about it then you have no choice but to suck it up, eh? Either that or smoke lots of pot. That tends to relax people

I can't help but wonder, though, how long it will be before something gives way in your marriage, because you are so obviously NOT happy.

CantSitStill · 05-18-2012, 04:23 PM

Sooo are you gonna give your wife the challenge? Sex every day for a week and see if it helps your mood which will help her mood which means you will both be happy

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