Re: Help! Friend caught her husband cheating on her
You are right to not want to be in the middle of this. Sadly, you already are. My advice is to tell the wife, lovingly, that she has your best wishes, but that since you and your H as a couple are friends with both of them, you worry it will affect your marriage negatively and that you are just getting back on the right track. That should make it clear that it's not about not liking her, but rather protecting your marriage. If she's reasonable, she will get it. If she's not, she'll be angry ... but her reaction to your gentle honesty is beyond your control and should not be your concern.
As for you and your H, it doesn't matter what either of you think should be done, so stop discussing what should be done or arguing about it. Or just agree to disagree. Just b/c each of you think it should be handled differently, doesn't mean either is right or either is being immoral. It's just two different opinions.
What I don't think either of you should do is tell either partner in the couple what you think should happen. That is for them to decide and it's not fair, at this point when they are vulnerable to influence them in that way. Whatever is decided needs to come 100% from them. So, listen if you must, but don't opinionate.