Help! Friend caught her husband cheating on her
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Old 03-25-2009, 10:36 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Help! Friend caught her husband cheating on her

To start off with. me and my husband seem to be doing a lot better after we did talk. We have not got into a fight in over a week (knock on wood)

We have a different problem now. Hubby's best friend has been cheating on his wife (this is the 2nd time) and wife found out about it. The wife called the girl he was cheating with and found out a lot of information. When the wife first found out about it she called me and told me. I mentioned something to my hubby to see if he nkew anything about it. He said he didn't so he called his best friend (the one that is cheating) and told him to get over to our house. The friend supposedly told my hubby about it all and both of them went to wife's house today to help them work it out.

I have 2 problems with this. 1st I dont' want to get into the middle of it but for some reason the wife calls me and tells me. I want to help her but I dont' know how exactly to help her. And when me and my hubby got together me and her couldn't stand each other. So how can I tell her that I dont' want to be in the middle without making her mad?

And 2, me and my husband disagree about this. They have a 2/5 year old daughter and my hubby is saying that they need to work it out for the daughters sake. I disagree with that b/c when I was 16 I caught my dad cheating on my moma nd that scared me so I think that she needs to tell him to get his stuff out of her house and then let them move on since she has already forgave her husband once for cheating. I know it's not my deicision or my husband's deicision but I just don't want this to cause problems between me and my husband.

Thanks in advance
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Old 03-26-2009, 12:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help! Friend caught her husband cheating on her

well I think the other couple should decide what is best for them, you and your husband should stay out of it, not take sides and be friends with both.
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Old 03-26-2009, 06:36 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help! Friend caught her husband cheating on her

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Originally Posted by GAsoccerman View Post
well I think the other couple should decide what is best for them, you and your husband should stay out of it, not take sides and be friends with both.



This could definately ruin YOUR marriage.
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Old 03-26-2009, 08:28 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help! Friend caught her husband cheating on her

GA is right, don't take "sides" and try to stay out of it.
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Old 03-26-2009, 08:36 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help! Friend caught her husband cheating on her

Thanks for the quick responses. I appreciate all of them. I think I will stay out of the middle and if she wants to talk I'll listen but I'm not going to really give her any advice or so b/c I really don't want to cause problems in our marriage since it seems to be going so well right now.
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Old 03-26-2009, 11:45 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help! Friend caught her husband cheating on her

It's not easy when friends have to face this kind of situation. The only suggestion I could offer is to tell them (singly or together) "I don't want to be involved in this process". It has to be their decision. You can lend a sympathetic ear, but you CANNOT react (by giving advice) or they WILL "blame" you for the way things turn out.
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Old 04-01-2009, 02:04 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help! Friend caught her husband cheating on her

You are right to not want to be in the middle of this. Sadly, you already are. My advice is to tell the wife, lovingly, that she has your best wishes, but that since you and your H as a couple are friends with both of them, you worry it will affect your marriage negatively and that you are just getting back on the right track. That should make it clear that it's not about not liking her, but rather protecting your marriage. If she's reasonable, she will get it. If she's not, she'll be angry ... but her reaction to your gentle honesty is beyond your control and should not be your concern.

As for you and your H, it doesn't matter what either of you think should be done, so stop discussing what should be done or arguing about it. Or just agree to disagree. Just b/c each of you think it should be handled differently, doesn't mean either is right or either is being immoral. It's just two different opinions.

What I don't think either of you should do is tell either partner in the couple what you think should happen. That is for them to decide and it's not fair, at this point when they are vulnerable to influence them in that way. Whatever is decided needs to come 100% from them. So, listen if you must, but don't opinionate.
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