motherof4boys

I posted on here a while back about my husband having an affair. He slept with a girl he knew from high school (10 years ago) and she claimed she was pregnant. Two weeks after she told him she was pregnant, she said she miscarried. After this he told me that he still wanted to be with me if i let him and we started working on things. I had a suspision that they were still talking and when i confronted him he admitted to it. I demanded that he stopped talking to her and he agreed and said he wasnt sure why they had still been talking, that it was nothing but small talk. even showed me the conversation to prove it. It only lasted like 2 days of not talking and they were talking again. He still says he's not sure why but that he has feelings for her and doesnt want to stop talking. He told me that he knows he still loves me but he never expected me to stay with him through all of this, and that he sort of wishes i didnt. I asked him if he wanted to move out and he told me that he had looked at a few houses, because he didnt feel he could fix this living in the same house as me. That he wanted to take the summer and each of us spend some alone time. He told me that if he left it would have nothing to do with her but the fact that he is unhappy. I confronted him about whether or not he loved her too and he said he was unsure. I still want to work this out, we have fun together, our sex life is great, he tells me how our marriage was perfect and there is no excuse for what he did but he feels he has ruined our marriage and theres no way to fix it. He said he would be willing to do marriage counseling, we can't afford it but if it would help keep us together I will figure out a way. As i was looking online though, theres a lot of sites that say marriage counseling doesnt help anyone it just hurts the relationship more.....

Gaia

It's all about finding the RIGHT therapist for the both of you... if your really unsure about it you could always try IC first.

motherof4boys

what is an IC?

Gaia

Individual counseling.

cory275

whew... i cant speak for anyone else obviously.. but cheating for me is a DEAL BREAKER. and he got someone pregnant?? omg.. i'd die. the fact that he's still talking to her is a HUGE red flag. and that he wants to separate gives you the answer... i dont think he's coming back, hun. but why would you want a cheater for a husband anyway? you deserve better! dont sell yourself short!

TheMarriageandFamilyClini

As a marriage counselor for The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO. I have to say that marriage counseling absolutely does work. In order to get the best results, a couple things have to happen first. 1) Both people have to be invested in therapy. If one's going reluctantly or going just to prove that they tried it before divorcing, marriage counseling usually won't work. 2) Both people are perfectly honest during sessions. This means they talk about all their thoughts, fears, wants, etc. If they're not honest, the therapist can't really help them effectively tackle the real issues in their marriage.

There's a few more but these are the most important ones. If you think your relationship matches these criteria then marriage counseling will usually work. As mentioned before, a lot of it depends on the therapist you get, too. If you get a therapist that you just don't feel comfortable with, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. There's lots of therapists out there. You're bound to find one that really fits for both of you.

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Aaron I Anderson, M.S.
www.blog.themarriageandfamilyclinic.com