Its that simple. I don't know what to do I've been wanting a child for over a year now and have been waiting. He said he would be ready in a year well that was last month and he in not ready. I'm depressed and feel betrayed. The entire time he was telling me how excited he was going to be and how the timing was perfect. I have no idea what changed, but now he wants to wait again. Has anyone gone through this?
We're both 25, we own our house, he has a great career. We've been together for almost 3 years. We just got married last month, but last year he told me it was his dream to get pregnant on our honeymoon and has talked about just as much as me. Then at the last min said he was just saying that to make me happy. Now we're married and I have this hate for him for lying to me and I don't know what else to do, but learn to cope with it since I don't want to force him. I'm just so unhappy I can't sleep and I just getting more and more depressed everyday
I would also say it's early to call it quits, but the two of you need to get a discussion going about why he switched his opinion. Maybe with a counselor or mediator.
Assuming it went down as you describe, it was an ******* move on his part. He should have been upfront with you before the wedding. I'd be really curious about his side, though.
We're both 25, we own our house, he has a great career. We've been together for almost 3 years. We just got married last month, but last year he told me it was his dream to get pregnant on our honeymoon and has talked about just as much as me. Then at the last min said he was just saying that to make me happy. Now we're married and I have this hate for him for lying to me and I don't know what else to do, but learn to cope with it since I don't want to force him. I'm just so unhappy I can't sleep and I just getting more and more depressed everyday
You just got married. I had two kids back to back right after getting married. Trust me when I speak from 10 years of experience and say, let the man slide on this one, I know you are hurt, but look at this logically, you have SOOOO much time. ENJOY each other a little bit longer first. The last thing you want to do is rush him in fatherhood if he is not totally ready, talk to him calmly and ask him why he is holding back and ask him how much longer so that you can have an understanding and let him know how important children are to you, but do realize, that marriage is the foundation of a happy home for children, and you are just beginning to experience all that marriage offers. Maybe it is financial to him, maybe he is scared, maybe he just wants to enjoy you. Because face it, once you have a child, he loses a peice of you (my husband said for every child his peice of his "pet name" pie got smaller, as did the literal pie on the table)... it's very true. I think other Mom's would tell you the same. I love my kids, but I wish my husband and I had more time to enjoy each other before rushing into parenthood.
My advice . . . take with a grain of salt . . . but this is something that should have been discussed BEFORE you got married. Children are either something you do or DO NOT want. People who DO NOT want them should not have them or be forced to have them - the results can be devastating.
We're both 25, we own our house, he has a great career. We've been together for almost 3 years. We just got married last month, but last year he told me it was his dream to get pregnant on our honeymoon and has talked about just as much as me. Then at the last min said he was just saying that to make me happy. Now we're married and I have this hate for him for lying to me and I don't know what else to do, but learn to cope with it since I don't want to force him. I'm just so unhappy I can't sleep and I just getting more and more depressed everyday
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Originally Posted by jrose711
Its that simple. I don't know what to do I've been wanting a child for over a year now and have been waiting. He said he would be ready in a year well that was last month and he in not ready. I'm depressed and feel betrayed. The entire time he was telling me how excited he was going to be and how the timing was perfect. I have no idea what changed, but now he wants to wait again. Has anyone gone through this?
For those who say "this should have been discussed before getting married"... her posts state that it WAS discussed before marriage. He gave her a time frame and everything. She was cool with that. And now, after getting married, he is saying "not now... not now"... And, the OP is wondering if he is just putting her off because he isn't ready or because he doesn't want kids, period.
Jrose, talk to him. If it is bothering you that much, TALK TO THE MAN! The only way you will find out for sure is if you hear it straight from him, one way or the other. We can only speculate as to what he is thinking and feeling.
Now, as to the "oh, you are too young" feelings here... 25 isn't exactly a baby! I had my first child at age 25, second at age 31, and third at age 33. Not everyone wants to be pushing 50 when their kids are graduating high school.
I do agree, however, that because you are newly married, it isn't exactly a dealbreaker...UNLESS he committed fraud. I.E. he said he wanted kids just to get you to marry him, but in reality had/has no plans to ever get you pregnant. Yes, you are newly married (just a few months), but you HAVE been together 3 years. You never stated whether you lived together first. If so, it's not like that aspect is really new. But, it still is an adjustment. Regardless, sit down and discuss this with him. Come up with a plan, if he truly does want a child and is not just placating you.
For those who say "this should have been discussed before getting married"... her posts state that it WAS discussed before marriage. He gave her a time frame and everything. She was cool with that. And now, after getting married, he is saying "not now... not now"... And, the OP is wondering if he is just putting her off because he isn't ready or because he doesn't want kids, period.
I'm sorry - but it does appear that he was telling her what he thought she wanted to hear but had no intention of carrying through. Like I said - take it with a grain of salt . . .
We're both 25, we own our house, he has a great career. We've been together for almost 3 years. We just got married last month, but last year he told me it was his dream to get pregnant on our honeymoon and has talked about just as much as me. Then at the last min said he was just saying that to make me happy. Now we're married and I have this hate for him for lying to me and I don't know what else to do, but learn to cope with it since I don't want to force him. I'm just so unhappy I can't sleep and I just getting more and more depressed everyday
I can't tell if you are upset about not having a child right now or if you're upset that he lied. Likely both, but being that you are resigned to live with it makes me think you're mostly upset and depressed about not getting pregnant right now. I think you are making a terrible mistake to resign yourself to his admitted deception. No one in their right mind decides to "cope" with their husband lying to them. I would be livid, and yes, it absolutely would be a deal breaker for me because I won't live with never knowing when and if he is ever sincere. Others seem to think his deception will work out better to not have kids yet, while glossing over the operative word - deception. So what that it might be better for a newly-married couple to wait. What has that to do with the issue? It was a controlling tactic, and I would not let my husband get away with it.
You came here to vent about his lie and not being able to have a baby as he promised. So, you didn't mention anything else about him, but I know there is more. I have no doubt he is controlling in other ways. If he will lie like that to dupe you into marrying him, he controls you in every way he possibly can. Or, how many other times has he made promises with no sincerity and then just "changed his mind?" There is no way this is his one and only account, so I know what you are going through and wonder why you have resigned yourself to all that too. You don't just "learn to cope" with whatever he wants to do to you.
my advice . . . Take with a grain of salt . . . But this is something that should have been discussed before you got married. Children are either something you do or do not want. People who do not want them should not have them or be forced to have them - the results can be devastating.
If he doesn't want a kid, he doesn't want a kid.. if you force the issue one of three things will happen
1. he will cave and resent you forever
2. he will not cave and you will resent him forever
3. you will get pregnant and stay together just for the kid
You got married a month ago and already its baby, baby, baby??
Not to sound mean, but are you a wife or a baby recepitical??
Her issue, it seems, is that they have been together for three years. A year ago, he said "let's wait a year". She waited the time he asked. He claimed he had hoped she'd get pregnant on their honeymoon, which was a month ago. Yes, they've been MARRIED for a year, but how long have they lived together before that? He said he'd be ready, and now he's reneging. I agree, don't force someone to have a child if he (or she) doesn't want to. By the same token, if someone doesn't want children, he (or she) needs to be honest about that. Don't misrepresent yourself. Let the object of your affection make an informed decision. Now, it is possible that he really is just not ready. He may just need more time. At the very least, jrose needs to sit down and really talk about this to him, if she hasn't already.
wow, you are only 25. I wouldn't be ready either! Enjoy this time just the two of you. I had my first at 31. We were too busy seeing the world and being just us. Get use to being a married couple first before having a child. Its a precious time just for the two of you. Your eggs are just fine, give it some time.
Its a big leap from being married to fatherhood. It sounds like he has some doubts. Dont look at it as a bad thing. Is he the type that wants to be sure he is doing the right thing? He probably has some doubts. Its not like your wanting to buy a puppy. I can tell you I didnt get married until I was 25 and didnt have my son until I was almost 30. Its a lot to think about. He might just have some doubts that he would be a good father. I would suggest to encourage him and let him know how good a dad he would be to a new baby to get him over this doubt. I had some of these feelings, its kind of scary. Its unknown territory and finality that your youth is now gone and your in the next stage of your life. Be patient.
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How to cope when he doesn't want childern? 
