Apparently I just don't "get it" so I would like to post this to see the ladies takes on it.
Wife and I have been engaged in a long running battle of wills over what is a normal and healthy sex life between couples.
Last night she shows me a post from an online community she is heavily involved in, discussing parenting and babies and everything else in between. The post was from a girl trying to conceive and be-moaning the fact that they had to do "it" and wanting to use a turkey baster instead.
Wife thought this was funny and a normal attitude for women to have when it comes to having sex with their spouses.
I got pissed at this, very quickly and told her that THAT attitude is a problem in anyone's sex life and maybe she should really examine it to figure out if it was a problem in ours.... I was told that it is normal and that I just don't get it..... strangely enough I really think I do, I have spent a lot of time on here reading about relationships and read plenty of other material about people and their actions/interactions so am not totally clueless.
Anyway, it pissed me off that bad I couldn't sleep so I stayed up and watched a movie, this morning I wake up and come out of the room to be greeted by a "morning grumpy husband." I responded with "Of course that makes me grumpy, it is an unhealthy attitude and it is causing problems." She then informed me again that I don't get it.......
Do I get it, or is she in pixieland with this attitude?
Um... for someone who is having issues with concieving sex can become very unintimate, scheduled, and the couple can be required to have sex daily, even multiple times a day to which point either partner can very quickly be driven to not wanting to have sex, I get the baster comment in that situation, and in that situation only, as I have had several friends who have gone thru the trying to concieve issue and it takes the intimacy out of sex.... very quickly...
That being said, if you and your wife are not having that issue, then no, it doesn't make sense that she shared it with you at all, unless she was trying to make some other point..... you may have to do some digging to find out what it was...
However, intimacy is important to maintain and critical for both spouses to make an active effort in keeping up... and it takes work, it doesn't just happen, and by that I mean the emotional intimacy, flirting, attention, affection, enthusiasm, anticipation building, etc.
Ok if this post from another woman was complaining about having to do it.. it might be because ....
1. Since they are trying to conceive.. they have been going at it like jackrabbits and the womans just worn out and wants a break.
2. the woman is just LD to begin with.. so i suppose thats normal for an ld woman to not want to do it that much..
There are ways to increase ones libido naturally though.. and any ld woman can go see a doctor to rule out that it's a medical issue. Is your wife on meds of any sort or anything?
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
It's not disrespectful to implicitly tell someone who loves you that you're not attracted to them?
That when they promised sexual monogamy to you, you were hoping they were taking vows of chastity?
I just have a fundamentally different view of relationships, I guess.
I think mutual attraction and desire for one's partner is a necessary component to a relationship.
When that's gone, it's something different entirely.
I did not say THAT was not disrespectful.. but what your implying seems to be a tit for tat which isn't helpful either... .. at least not that i can see. Which is why i asked if the wife is on meds or something. There are many things that could be going on here between the OP and his wife. I'm not understanding the... "You just don't get it.." thing either.
OP.. how often do you two have sex if you don't mind me asking? Is she on BC or anything?
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
I honestly see this as someone saying to his wife, who is 100 lbs overweight: "Look at all these guys on the forum, talking about how disgusting fat women are! Har har har, isn't that rich?!?! EVERYONE thinks that!"
It's implicitly saying: "I am not attracted to you. You may want me, but it's a one-sided desire. That's normal though!"
Edit: I'm not implying a tit-for-tit. I'm serious: if my wife was not interested in having a sexual relationship with me, it is not a monogamous sexual relationship in any sense of the phrase. If I had wanted to be a priest, I'd have taken vows. If sex is not part of the equation between us, I'll accept that - but not forced celibacy, or feeling demeaned and unwanted.
I think it's very healthy and normal to want sex, and is imperative to a successful long term relationship.
Many women love having sex, however sometimes especially with small children around it can be difficult to maintain a good sex life. However much can be done about this.
Some men and and women are just LD and will never get it, unless they take the time to heighten their sex drive.
I honestly see this as someone saying to his wife, who is 100 lbs overweight: "Look at all these guys on the forum, talking about how disgusting fat women are! Har har har, isn't that rich?!?! EVERYONE thinks that!"
It's implicitly saying: "I am not attracted to you. You may want me, but it's a one-sided desire. That's normal though!"
The way i was seeing this as..(Since we don't have much to go on yet) was the wife trying to point out in a not so brilliant way that she is basically not that enthusiastic about sex. Since we haven't gotten a possible WHY from the OP... I can only assume it was her not so brilliant way of saying she is LD. Now her using this woman whose trying to conceive as an example is a bad one if ... op and his wife do NOT do it on a daily basis... but it may be a good one if they do. This would imply.. imo... that perhaps she is wanting a break. Not everyone goes about expressing themselves in a good way. I do agree that it was disrespectful of her and she probably needs to learn how to communicate better.
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
Edit: I'm not implying a tit-for-tit. I'm serious: if my wife was not interested in having a sexual relationship with me, it is not a monogamous sexual relationship in any sense of the phrase. If I had wanted to be a priest, I'd have taken vows. If sex is not part of the equation between us, I'll accept that - but not forced celibacy, or feeling demeaned and unwanted.
Not wanting sex as often as your partner is NOT celibacy, it's just LD and HD issue which there are ways to fix that. We don't exactly know if the OP is going without sex completely or just going without it as often as he would like.
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
The way i was seeing this as..(Since we don't have much to go on yet) was the wife trying to point out in a not so brilliant way that she is basically not that enthusiastic about sex. Since we haven't gotten a possible WHY from the OP... I can only assume it was her not so brilliant way of saying she is LD. Now her using this woman whose trying to conceive as an example is a bad one if ... op and his wife do NOT do it on a daily basis... but it may be a good one if they do. This would imply.. imo... that perhaps she is wanting a break. Not everyone goes about expressing themselves in a good way. I do agree that it was disrespectful of her and she probably needs to learn how to communicate better.
I saw it, if anything, that she's finding 'evidence' to support her case for something they're (currently) on a different page about.
Maybe they both need to abandon position and get back to basics. It's about connection and considering each others needs.
I saw it, if anything, that she's finding 'evidence' to support her case for something they're (currently) on a different page about.
Maybe they both need to abandon position and get back to basics. It's about connection and considering each others needs.
That's true... and she used a woman who was trying to conceive as an example... sooo perhaps it has something to do with that?? Maybe thats the... you just don't get it part? OP are you two trying to conceive?
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
Anyway, it pissed me off that bad I couldn't sleep so I stayed up and watched a movie, this morning I wake up and come out of the room to be greeted by a "morning grumpy husband." I responded with "Of course that makes me grumpy, it is an unhealthy attitude and it is causing problems." She then informed me again that I don't get it.......
I do understand how you'd feel disrespected and why you were grumpy husband but, when was sex about things that are fun and connecting rather than trying to be right? If she sees a grumpy husband, in her eyes, maybe it's just reinforcing that sex isn't about good times and bonding.
I'm not saying tippy-toe around and continue on with blinkers, no, but how are you going to get on the same page, or at least closer?
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Defining a "normal" attitude 
