jdmca

Ok so I have no clue where to start.... Um okay i have been married for 4 years to my husband. We got married in a hurry and now we are lost in our marriage!

we met When I was 17 a month before my 18th birthday. We started to date we dated about 2 months and I found out that I was pregnant. We talked on and off about marriage then my parents up and kicked me out of their house I moved in with him! 2 Weeks later we were married about 3 months after that we were parents! Flung into a whole different world i tried to do all that i could to make our family work! Now we have been through 4 years of marriage and half of it I septn pregnant with are 3 children and the other half i spent miserable!

I know I love my husband because it hurts to think of me without him! But it also hurts the way he treats me! He yells at me no matter what it is I do! I feel like if I don't keep my mouth shut then we are going to argue! He constantly will call me the B word which he knows tears me to pieces yet he does it over and over again! I don't know what to do!

Any help would be very much appreciated!

draconis

He is using verbal abuse to control you. It is an unhealthy relationship. Without counciling he will never get better.

draconis

Jewel

I agree about the verbal abuse. You need to confront him, tell him that you want to start counseling and you want the abuse to stop. You are the mother of his children, he needs to treat you with respect that you deserve.

Tag

Men do get bugged if you havent had sex for a while. Talk to him about this after you have sex the next time. If your sex life is ok, then you have to convince him to try counselling.

jdmca

Okay so I found the courage in myself on christmas eve at that to tell my husband I think we need counseling.... It was in the middle of a fight but i didn't know what else to say.. He kept saying things that just pushed me to say Well I think I want a divorce then after I had settled down for a bit I was like well maybe we should go to counseling and his response was "That Never WORKS... Look at the Statistics.." I was just flabbergasted by that i didn't know what to say!! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME HERE I am running out of options!!

draconis

Well think of this. He is verbally abusive and feels in control of you and your re relationship. Of course he doesn't want things to change.

But you really can't and shouldn't live your life depressed. You need and deserve to be happy. If he is unwilling to try then maybe divorce is a better option.

SOme how I sense you want to save your marriage. If that is the case then tell him concouncilling or divorce because it is going to end up one way or another. Plus with the way he sounds from your posts chances are the courts would make him go to a violence no more councilor and or parenting classes.

Let me also ask you this has he ever threatened to hurt you, himself, the kids or a pet?

draconis

tater03

Well you need to tell him about the statistic of divorce among couples nowadays. He had to learn that what he is doing to you verbally is unacceptable and as hard as that is the only one who can make him see that is you but not putting up with it. I really hope that things work out for you both.

jenniferFl

If he does not want to start going to counseling then start going by yourself. It will empower you more than you know. Maybe once he sees you going and learning what to do maybe he will want to come along and see it for himself.

3plus3

Wow. That was pretty rude of him to not even consider counseling. What do you two argue about the most? Finances? Children?

fredfoxw28

Hi

i know what you are going through. I use to have the same problem with my husband. As soon as we got married I got pregnant and we did not get a chance to know eachother better. Once my son was born we use to fight alot and my first reaction was to cry get upset. afterawhile, I stopped crying and I stood up for myself. My husband called me a ***** one time and I told him I do not like that and do not disrespect me. when something is said and you do not like it you have to confront it right away, if not it will happen again.

At one point it got so bad I told him I was leaving and I was serious and then he finally suggested counseling. things are better now. We still have other issues but it is a step in the right direction.

simplyme43920

would he be willing to go to counceling for the sake of his children?

Kids in the Middle, Notre Dame Magazine,* Autumn 2000

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