seahrse22

Ok I don't even know where to start and I'm sorry if this is long.

I moved to TN after living 19 years in FL, about 2 years later I had a horse accident which screwed up my knee, neck, back and whole right side, about a year later I got really sick, which was when they found my kidney function almost down to none with a horrid infection and a cyst on my right kidney to top it off.
Got married 6 months ago and hubby and i were friends when the horse accident happened and were dating when the kidney thing happened.
I had to move 200 miles from home for his job and I started working as a paramedic here. Got really sick in january, had to go get scoped every end you could imagine. Turns out I have Peptic Ulcer Disease,IBD and mock Chrones so all that AND the previous injuries alone was enough for the doc to tell me I needed to get away from the rescue type jobs, duh 36 hour shifts are hard on ppl who are healthy.
ANyways so before I got out of medic school I worked as a Vet Tech, which is the job my heart is really in, so i've tried and tried to find that type of job again but there is nothing where we live.
There is a good chance we will be moving back soon and I can get my old job back but as for now I feel so worthless.
I mean 1. to move from the place i grew up for 19 yrs to a new state to get hurt and sick. 2. to move to another part of the state where I know NO one and can't find a job( even out of the veterinary field).
Hubby- instead of trying to support me does the whole, "get over it stop being so depressed, man up" ! Yeah that helps I have faith that God will put me where I'm supposed to be but I can't get over this worthless feeling. All my friends are getting out of college and getting their dream jobs and first houses, kids etc and it's like I'm still waiting for mine because we're waiting of hubbys job to see where it places us .
It's hard to go from loving your work, friends, social life and playing ever sport being VERY active, to feeling alone,worthless and being in pain every minute.
Is this just a normal feeling of being out of work and waiting for changes. I've never been out of work since I was 14 !
Help please...

marina72

seahrse22...

No wonder you're down in the dumps. You're out of your home state, somewhere new, without a fulfilling job, and the money that comes with that, without your health, and without an understanding hubby.

I think you're just overwhelmed right now, and you know that deep down, this is the cause of your angst. I know what it is like to have chronic type health issues...

I have had fibromyalgia symptoms for years, the joint pain, muscle aches, fatigue, headaches, memory loss, chest pain, on and on... they tested me for RA, lupus, and all kinds of other things. Then while preggers with my son, I ended up with a cervical spine back injury, a ruptured disc.... pain was indescribable... worse than labor. But I was heavily pregnant and couldn't take any drugs without risking the baby's health. So I paced all day and night, didn't eat, sleep.. my left arm down to the hand hurt so badly I just wanted to cut it off... from 34 weeks pregnant , thank goodness this happened close to the end of pregnancy ,to after I gave birth,, it was hell.

Still have back trouble, and sometimes feel tired and old.

Also, now having an issue with a cyst on my ovary that is not a normal funtional cyst... LOL..

I think we are in the same boat as far as health goes. It's so hard when you're not your healthiest, to feel like having a get up and go attitude.... and it can wear on you, and whittle away at you till you're an empty shell of what you thought you used to be.

And on top of your health, you've got the lonliness issue, the job issue...

Give yourself a break. You'll find a job eventually, and if not, then you'll find one when you move back home, if that's where you're headed.

When bad things happen to me, I have my moment of pity, not that this is a bad thing at all, it's not bad to feel kind of sorry, for yourself, everyone feels that way sometimes.

I try so hard to pick myself back up, and say "I'm just not gonna feel this way" I also try to focus on what is good in my life, and try like heck to not focus on the negative. Naturally it does not always work! LOL..

but, just try to stay positive. Try to think of the good things about your health. It could always be a lot worse.
You say you have faith in God and that he'll bring you to where you need to be. Live that faith. Trust in him.... he has a plan for you, and it's working and living in you everyday.

They say God never gives us more than we can handle. I sometimes think this is true, some days, I wonder lol....

but whether that is true or not..... God will Never forsake you. He'll never leave you, even at your lowest point... kneel , if you can't stand tall today. then kneel and pray for strength. He will hear you...

Could you take a nice long bubble bath? Meditate and pray? Go out and look at the sky, the trees, the animals that are around... and just marvel in God's wonders.

This pain and the hard times, they won't last forever. Take heart in that.

Hardened Heart

I do know how you feel, I went from having a great job, degree and all to working at a resturant. Just try to find a new hobby or see if your husband will take you out on a date, even go to dinner with people he works with so you can meet new people. Hang in there and have a drink and put in your favorite movie. Everything that goes wrong always gets better.

seahrse22

Thank you both so much ! Marina72 I think we should start a chronic support group lol.
I grew up in a house where feeling sorry for yourself was NOT an option, much less any emotion, so I'm sure that is a obstacle in the way of explaining my angst and feelings to the hubby. And him responding like "Man Up" doesnt help !
I talked to my friend today who filled me in on all that is going on back home, at the vet hospital etc so that helped give me a boost to hopefully being back there again, it's just the not knowing that is the problem.
I was talking to a friend of mine earlier who is going through rough times, broken engagement with girl he had been with for 3 yrs. I told him, "with every mountain God has us climb He always gives us a blessed valley at the bottom." I about smacked myself saying why can't I take my own advice !

"helpless"

I don't have much to say but just have faith I know its hard to look beyond your situation. I hope you end up just being happy. Best of luck.

marina72

LOL.. yeah, it sounds like we are in the same boat. And health problems can really bring you down. and on top of all that, you've got all that other stuff going on.

Just hold tight, it will get better. Go out with hubby, tell him he's got no choice on the matter! hehe.. tell him you're home sick, not feeling well.... if he won't listen, tell him louder...

and don't forget that God is always there with you. Even in times when it seems like he's letting us suffer....he is still there.
update us as you go.... Marina