Join Date: Jun 2012
| | Need female opinions please!
First let me start by giving a little introduction. *Warning- Long, maybe a bit pathetic as well*
My wife and I have been married for a little over a year now, we were dating for 2 before that. I met her while I was stationed in the military through a friend. While we were dating we had the greatest relationship I could ask for. We didnt fight much, an amazing sex life, could talk to eachother (or not, we were both comfortable watching TV in silence relaxing in the evening). I really considerd her not only my girlfriend, but my best friend.
So after a year and a half I had decided to finally propose to her after working up the courage for 2 months. She said yes and everything continued to be great. However, 2 months later, a week before our wedding ceremony (So soon due to my deployment), she spent the whole week binge drinking at her girlfriends house, spending more time with other men, and completely shutting me out. I only know all of this because I tried calling her for hours one night after she had gone to a concert and she didnt pick up, so I drove by the house to check on her and she was passed out unconcious in bed. The end result was that she decided to call off the wedding, I asked her many times what it was or why but she couldnt provide me with a concrete reason. I decided it was nervousness, cold feet, or somthing similar, but again she couldnt provide a reason.
Now following that series of incedents she wanted to talk with me and told me she would like to give things another try, to stay engaged for a bit longer and wait for a wedding but she wanted to be with me.
So I was very happy to hear that because she is after all the love of my life, so I agreed and things got better bit by bit. No sooner than a week later, she told me she was going to spend the weekend at her girlfriends lakehouse (The same girl whose house she had stayed at before she called off the marriage). I already dont like her friend because shes, excuse my language, a skank. Despite me not liking the situation and having many reasons to hell her I dont want her to go, I said I wouldnt mind and to have fun. That saturday I get a call at night from her, she sounds pretty drunk, and shes telling me about how they are about to go skinny dipping and getting really drunk. I ask if there are any men there with them, and she says no. Right after she says no I hear a man in the background, shes laughs and says gotta go, and hangs up. I was never a very trusting person, and it took a lot of work to be ok with her going out without me or to a party or bar without me, It may sound childish but I was much easier about it after working very hard to just keep busy while she was out.
She returns from the lake and after questioning her about the mans voice in the background she said it was her friends father and they were at the house. I didnt have enough evidence to believe otherwise so I bought it. TWO DAYS LATER, out of nowhere, she comes home crying her eyes out, telling me she doesnt want to be with me anymore and I dont make her happy. After being depressed about calling off the wedding this was a real shocker and I was pretty sure I should just take a break and we should just split up. We decided that a break was in order to give each other space and room to think ( I didnt really want a break, she is still the love of my life and I wanted to fight for her). A week into our break, she asks me to talk so I come over and see what she has to say. She tells me shes pregnant, and a million questions and scenarios start running through my mind. Without me asking she immediatly states that it is mine, that she hasnt been with anyone else. Skipping all the unimportant events, we get married.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago . My son was born a couple weeks ago, and we were both so amazingly happy and enthralled with him. After we came home from the hospital, she became VERY emotional, some of our friends described her behavior has somewhat bipolar. I figured it was PTSD, and that with time she would be able to work through it and talk to me when she was ready. Well things QUICKLY turned in the opposite direction. I was told that my job wasnt good enough, I wasnt good enough, I didnt make her happy anymore, she didnt love me anymore, and that she wasnt sure if she wanted to be with me anymore.
Immediatly Im getting red flags to her past behavior in similar situations. After trying vigorously to find out what was wrong with me or what I could do to fix it, she couldnt give me a reason, or way to fix it. Another red flag. She then decides that a divorce is what she wants, and I have to sit back and just take a breath and think it over. I tell her if she wants a divorce that she has to go get the papers. She put it off and put it off and I kept asking her if this is really what she wants and she still said yes. So I havent seen my parents or brother in 2 years, I decide to try and go home. I confronted my wife about it and since she still wanted that divoce she said she didnt care. She was on maternity leave and her parents lived in town so I decided to take a week and go see my family. The morning Im supposed to fly out, she texts me that she didnt want me to go. My dad had already spent 900$ on tickets for me so I told her Im going and that I will gladly pay for you to come along. She declined and so I went back home for a week. Upon returning home 2 days early, she and I have a few talks and after talking we decide that we should stay together and work things out.
Fast forward to Now. We are currently in the process of "working things out", however to me it seems a lot like Im doing the trying, and shes just putting up with it. She hasnt worn her wedding ring in 2 months. She hasnt touched hugged kissed or been intimate with me in even longer. One of the things that REALLY bugs me is that whenever were at home, she is always on her phone. I have also noticed that she is becoming increasingly protective of her phone, taking it with her everywhere. Her dad was calling, and she forgot her phone while she was showering, so I tried to answer it, but she has a lock on the phone. The last time she was protective about her phone and the ONLY time she has ever had a lock on her phone is when she called off the wedding or when she wanted a break. Well one day I guess she forgot to turn her phone lock on and when she was in the shower she recieved *10* phone calls from a "Jake". Jake happens to be her brothers single friend that is visting for a couple days. I open her phone and she had also received texts from him as well, and as ashamed as I am, I open them. It turns out shes talking with another man about how she doesnt think it will work out between us and that how hes such a great guy for understanding. I didnt bring it up to her right away, I just decided to sit and wait to see what kind of behavioral changes I notice. The next day she tells me shes going to her parents house to visit her brother. Her dad calls me and asks me to come over that same day and bring our son with me. I go over and hang out with her dad for a while, and Jake is there. I ask where my wifes brother is and her dad says he's still and work, his last day tomorrow. My wife gets out of work and comes over, and It doesnt take a genius to see the disgust in her face when she sees me.
So today I confronted her about her phone. I asked her if there was somthing wrong, if there was anything she wanted to tell me. She said no no everything is fine. I ask her who she spend all day texting and she says her girlfriends or her uncle. (She hadnt texted them in days when I looked at her phone). I knew she was lieing but I just didnt have it in me to call her out on it. Somthing is wrong and I cant figure it out, please women give me your perspective!
I still love this woman, she is the love of my life, but I cannot live in a one sided marriage my whole life.