carras

I think its women like you that make men not want to communicate and cheat. Let me guess you are under 30 years of age.

Cosmos

Really? You're entitled to your opinion, of course, but I've never been cheated on in my life and communicate extremely well.

I have a 34 year old son so, no, I'm not under 30 years of age.

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When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say.

Mavash.

I agreed with that post and I'm 46. I'd want to know the truth which involves yes communication. As far as MAKING you cheat nobody can do that but you. And nobody can MAKE you communicate either. It's your life and your choice. The women here are just saying how they'd feel if they were married to someone like you that's all.

I'd be crushed if my husband wanted other women over me.

Lon

right there is an example of how communication can break down.

Carras never said he wanted other women over his W, he admitted that he is not feeling it and wants to, and his mind is turning to thoughts of other women. That right there is no dealbreaker, it is basic biology, the fact he comes here to discuss this means he wants to fix this, the fact that he can't go to his wife with this makes it very dangerous - being warned that his W should threaten divorce is certainly not facilitating communication or helping him work this issue out in any useful way.

Cosmos

The OP asked how we, as women, would want him to handle this. I wasn't trying to be unhelpful, simply honest.

__________________


When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say.

Thewife

I'm thinking..........you will still be fantasizing about changing to a new flavour or adding toppings until you get to live a life of man who has no food to eat.

Well, I understand feelings are feelings, and its good that you have no intention of cheating.......be careful when you disclose these feeling to her.........a women's worst nightmare is to know that her husband no longer desires her. Educate her and learn with her.. who knows it may be fun after all. All the best

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"A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love."

Lon

Cosmos, so then you, as a woman, are suggesting he not tell his W the full extent of how he feels if he wants to stay married to her? Not saying this is wrong, but interesting - I personally always find the full honest truth the best policy, but if you think he should filter his words to avoid hurting her maybe there is something to that.

Mavash.

He has two threads going on this board and I could swear I distinctly read that he isn't into his wife anymore and is lusting after other women. He said he wanted "new" and said he is "bored".

If my husband said that to me yes I would interpret it that he wants other women over me. What woman would think differently? It's not like he's said the sex is boring and he wants more kink he's said outright he wants something NEW as in someone else.

I just don't see how his wife can possibly fix this. This guy also stated he's been like this his whole life (and yes I do blame his excessive porn use). He's overstimulated to the point where a run of the mill wife isn't going to cut it anymore.

Sad really.

Mavash.

Unless he has a suggestion as to how this can be fixed he needs to be blunt with his wife so SHE can decide how to proceed.

Lets say my husband is bored and is looking at other women his first line of defense would be to tell me to wear lingerie, buy some toys, something. This guy has already done that and it didn't work. She has done what he asked and it wasn't enough. The only thing I've read that she could possibly fix is showing more enthusiasm. The rest is on him.

Mavash.

Here is what he said on the other thread.

Lon

Mavash, see this is exactly why men and women can't communicate because as soon as a man lets her have a glimpse into his mind she takes it all personally, feels like a reject and gets angry at him for being inconsiderate. So I guess carras, there is your answer - keep your mouth shut, work on this yourself, your W will not help you through this at all because women are just too emotionally insecure to be able to cope with such painful words. Meanwhile, get to a counsellor to help you work on this, don't give up faith in yourself or your W that despite the natural lust you feel you can remain a committed loyal husband and with some work on your own feelings, and by cutting back on the novelty of internet porn you may able to restore the lust you should have for your W.

Cosmos

I'm saying that if my partner was no longer interested in having sex with me, yet finds the idea of having sex with other women attractive, I wouldn't want to be with him.

I would want the truth - no matter how painful.

__________________


When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say.

Cosmos

I agree that the OP needs to work on himself.

As for women being "too emotionally insecure" to be told that a partner or spouse is no longer interested in having sex with them, but fantasizes about it with other women etc - I don't think ANYONE is that secure about themselves.

__________________


When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say.

Lon

You wouldn't want him to go to counselling first? Even if despite his feelings his actions were honorable and he was working on restoring his attraction?

Because honestly, every marriage goes through this, to some extent or another. When you are married, your attraction to other people doesn't go away and if it does well then you have to deal with the exact same problem (unfulfilled sexual needs) but from the other side of the coin. However if he is flirting, or escalating contact with other women, well then yeah he is stepping outside marital boundaries, in which case divorce becomes one reasonable solution, but I have not seen from his posts that he is acting inappropriately towards his W, just that he is having a hard time exercising self control over his thoughts.

Mavash.

Did I say I was angry? Did I say I'd take it personally? I think you and I are miscommunicating. I'm not emotionally insecure to be able to cope with such painful words. In fact I'd welcome the conversation. I want to know how my husband feels so we can fix it TOGETHER.

In fact if you will go back and read my first reply to this I told him to stop lying to his wife and to quit making excuses as to why he doesn't want sex. She already feels rejected so how worse can the truth be? In this case I believe the truth is the only way and it will likely set both of them free.