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Old 06-28-2012, 08:23 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: Private lap dance at strip club

You guys (and girls?) are great! My spirits are lifting already. No, my husband doesn't blackout. As for the train....he walked home; we live nearby.

As for fighting the charges, we decided it's just not worth the added stress and the attorney fees would be far more than $1,800. It was an expensive and painful lesson for my husband. I know he will never make this mistake again. It's one thing going to a strip club with a bunch of guys to look, play pool, etc., but it's quite another to be completely out of it, giving them 2 credit cards, and then not remembering what happened. This is not like my husband and I have forgiven him. I am just having a hard time forgetting. Thanks again for all your support
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Old 07-12-2012, 12:23 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Just happened to come across this video in my search of what a lap dance is really like. Can any of you strip club veterans confirm that this is a typical lap dance? I would imagine a private one is much more intimate with more touching involved. It's understandable why I'm not quick to get over this, right?
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Old 07-12-2012, 12:23 PM   #33 (permalink)
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forget to attach link...here it is:

Watch Lapdance part 3 Video | Break.com
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Old 07-12-2012, 10:32 PM   #34 (permalink)
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a strip club? ewwwwww.
those women are so gross.
i dont know why anyone would even want to waste there money in a place like that.
thats a bad place for married people to be.
NEVER lied...everyone lies.
1,800..lucky they didnt get more.

i'mn thinking maybe he is hapy with you because he does this occasionally, satisfying himself mentally, fantasy, and just lusting and its an ok thing. that is cheating. sorry.

i have no sympathy for him either!
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Old 07-12-2012, 11:43 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: Private lap dance at strip club

I watched the video and yes I think that it is likely to have happened. I also wonder if he is lying about telling you everything to get out of the consequences of you knowing. How is it he remembers everything that happened at the bar but only bits and pieces of what happened at the strip club?

Sorry, not buying it.

I also don't think it's wise or helpful to ignore this. It's been 5 months and your still not over it. Do what you can to get answers so your mind can deal with what happened and you can move on.
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Old 07-13-2012, 12:22 PM   #36 (permalink)
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That's actually a really good lap dance that you would only get in a private room. You'd never get that at a table. Most are far less physical.

You've got to get past this one way or another. Literally thousands of married men go to strip clubs every day. As Chris Rock said, there is no sex in the champagne room. Trust me, there isn't.
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Old 07-13-2012, 03:35 PM   #37 (permalink)
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I went to a strip club with my h a few months ago and it was gross. I think you are making too much of this. Honestly for her part, this is how she makes a living. I got curious and read a few forums for strippers and the way they talk about getting money out of their customers, it's so obvious this is not sexual, they're just trying to pay the bills. They don't care what the guy looks like as long as he pays. Honestly they have less emotions and sex involved than would a doctor examining him.
Yes a naked or near naked woman rubbed all over him. Depending on the guy yes there is a basic response to the attention but guys get erections from therapeutic massages and exams. It doesn't mean that he thought she was the sexiest woman ever or that he even thought she was that good looking. Seriously half the strippers where we went looked so skanky and were so skinny my husband was turned off.
This stripper doesn't remember him, and he doesn't remember her. Honestly if you went to a strip club you would see how impersonal it is.
Maybe go get yourself a therapeutic massage from a nice looking guy to get even.
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Old 07-13-2012, 04:00 PM   #38 (permalink)
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br, keep in mind that going to a strip club is something that boys fantasize about growing up, just like girls fantasize about their wedding.
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Old 07-13-2012, 04:04 PM   #39 (permalink)
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And neither is usually as great and both might lead to divorce.
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Old 07-14-2012, 12:46 AM   #40 (permalink)
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br, keep in mind that going to a strip club is something that boys fantasize about growing up, just like girls fantasize about their wedding.
Lol!!! Sad but true!!!
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Old 07-16-2012, 11:53 AM   #41 (permalink)
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he was drunk he doesn't remember he knows he wouldn't have done it if he hadn't been taken hostage and coerced and so do you.

forget about it. it's over and done.
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:36 PM   #42 (permalink)
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I think I screwed up today. My H and I celebrated our 24th anniversary this week. I am little depressed because I feel our marriage is somehow tainted now because of the private lap dance(s) he got at the strip club. My H could tell something was wrong and kept asking me why I was so down. I finally sent him an email this morning expressing how I felt about our anniversary and how our marriage didn't feel sacred anymore. I told him I still cannot get over what he did and probably wouldn't get over it until I knew exactly what happened. The problem is, as I mentioned above, he blacked out and can't remember much after a certain point in the night. I told him not knowing what happened is more hurtful as I can't find closure and just keep imagining the worst. He says NOTHING happened....he'd remember if something happened. (I have to disagree that having a naked woman rubbing all over him and putting her boobs and vag in his face and her grinding all over his IS something!!!) Today I was begging him to tell me what happened and he said he swears he would tell me more if he could remember and that he has nothing to hide. I just can't believe he can't remember bits and pieces of the dance, the stripper(s), etc. Even if he said she was a little old, or chubby, or too skinny I'd probably feel better but he's not providing ANY details. I asked him a million questions like this and he said he told me EVERYTHING he knows. Sometimes I think he's just trying to protect me from the truth. I don't think he had sex, but if he said yes to vip dance in the first place how do i know he didn't say yes to a hj or bj, especially if he was drugged? I don't think I can feel worse than I already do and I'm probably imagining things a lot more erotic and sensual than they were, so I feel like he has nothing to lose by telling me. He said he remembers the bouncer asking him if he wanted to go to the vip room, he remember someone bringing him a drink, he remembers his wallet sitting on the arm of the couch, then missing, then someone handing it to him later. He remembers the bouncer coming in during the lap dance and asking him if he wanted to more (as in LD) and he said YES! He vaguely remembers signing one receipt (although they all looked forged -- we got copies to dispute charges). He remembers trying to figure out how to get to Grand Central station, but has no idea how he got there. Assuming I won't get any more details (and maybe he honestly doesn't remember) how do I get beyond this? Tonight he came home from work and we haven't spoken to each other all night. I don't think either of us deserve how we're treating each other, but I just can't let this go! I think if I went to this club, saw the girls and saw first hand what went on during a private lap dance I could probably get over it so quickly. My husband said he will never step foot in another strip club again, whether I'm with him or not. I'd go with girlfriends, but I don't think you're allowed in without a guy. If anyone has any suggestions how I can make light of this situation, or can tell me about this specific club please send me a PM and I will tell you what club. Thanks for listening!
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:58 PM   #43 (permalink)
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Well, you'll get no different advice from me this time. YOU have a problem and YOU need to get help to figure out why you are so freaking insecure.

Did he screw up? Yes. Is hIe a typical man? Yes. Is he afraid of your anger just like any other husband? Yes. Is he going to do it again? Doesn't sound like it, based on the WORLD WAR II you have created over it BECAUSE OF YOUR INSECURITY.

But is that the kind of marriage you want? A man afraid of you?

Get a good therapist. Work on your childhood issues. Figure out why you can't deal with your husband MAYBE looking at another woman. Work on your self esteem. Learn to love your man, warts and all. KNOW that he loves you and wants you. And learn to be ok with that.
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Old 09-13-2012, 11:01 PM   #44 (permalink)
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When I was way younger and just started out, I took clients out like your husband described. $800 dinner for me and maybe 3 clients, then take them to a strip club that costed the company maybe $4000 a night. And I thought I was living the high life.

However, I stopped I think after the 3rd time.
Because I usually don't drink, but had only 1 drink that night. Couldn't even remember it, all that happened was I woke up in a taxi, my wallet missing, and thank god one of the clients paid the bill on the taxi.
No idea what happened. No idea at all. None. It is a complete blank. Couldn't remember who I was with, what I ate for dinner, where I was, hell, the fact I managed to get home was a miracle.

Your husband was probably taken for a ride just like I was.
It happens a lot more than you think.
So many of my male co-workers have been taken for rides by the club that the company told us to no longer take clients there. Too dangerous. Especially when the club took our clients for a ride.

I understand you are angry with your husband, but understand, he is probably hurting to. Not to the extent you are, but he is desperatly trying to figure out what happened that night, but can't. And he knows you are hurting, and there is nothing he can do to comfort you.
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Old 09-14-2012, 10:36 AM   #45 (permalink)
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I understand you are angry with your husband, but understand, he is probably hurting to. Not to the extent you are, but he is desperatly trying to figure out what happened that night, but can't. And he knows you are hurting, and there is nothing he can do to comfort you.
You've been married to him a LONG time and this is what it comes down to? 3 hours of a blacked out night that he cannot remember? I'm sure your husband is mortified over all of this, and that's how he gets treated?

I, too, understand your anger, but at some point, since you say you've forgiven him, you also need to forget this and move on. It's in the past and there's no changing it. Your husband can change it in the future, and wants to do that - by not going again. It sounds like he learned a hard lesson and wants to do right by you.

I certainly see no reason to ruin your anniversary, much less another day moving forward. You need to tell your husband that you love him and find that connection with him again.

Before this incident, your marriage was good?
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