My husband had a client in from out of town and after a night out in the city they ended up at a strip club. My husband has gone a dozen times in the past 30 yrs. i have know him (sometimes with me) and has never lied to me about it. It's usually for a bachelor party or a celebration of some sort. It is not a problem at all, and a rarity. We've been married almost 24 years. This one trip to the strip club ended up costing him and his client a total of $1,800 between them. He doesn't remember what happened, although he swears it was just a drunk lap dance/tease. He has NEVER lied to me before and I think he would know if something more happened (i.e. hj, etc). We did dispute the charges and received copies off all the receipts, none of which were signed by him. I don't question the amount of money because I do know these clubs overcharge and often rip you off from what I've read. Anyway, all i do know is that he got to the strip club by 9PM and took the 12:15 train home. He was there at most for 3 hours and thinks he may have fallen asleep. He doesn't even remember how he got to the train. He remembers bits and pieces from the night....someone asking him if he wanted more, someone handing him a drink, and someone handing him his wallet. He said the actually lap dance seemed like 2 minutes long. He told me the morning after that he went to a strip club but didn't go into details because I immediately freaked out and left the house. Later that day I pulled out the clothes he wore and they were covered with bronzer....his crotch, his lap, and his dress shirt too (must have been untucked as that was covered with bronzer too). I also noticed his bath towel was orange from the night before....either his hands were covered with makeup from touching her, or his face, from her boobs in his face. My husband is an amazing man and loves me dearly. He is still very attracted to me and would have sex with me every day if he could. He feels terrible about what happened and has been apologizing ever since. Whenever we're out together (we have a great social life) I end up bringing it up again hoping for more answers/details. Since he really can't tell me what happened I just keep imagining her all over him and his hands all over her (hence the orange on the towel). He swears to me you can't touch and does not remember touching her. He said maybe the makeup rubbed off on his hands from his jeans or even from tucking in his shirt. It has been 5 months and I still am not over this. His heart is aching from how much he has hurt me, but I still can't get these 3 hours out of my head. I think if I knew what happened I'd feel better, it's the unknown that worries me. Has anyone ever been through this and if so how did you get beyond this? Oh, and by the way, as much as I can't get over this, this event has actually been a blessing to our sex life. I find myself being more sexual and he's loving it, however I constantly have this pit in my stomach and void in my heart for the hurt of him doing this to me. I guess it's more of a trust thing than anything else.
yeah, he was either really drunk, or maybe drugged.
I understand that you are upset, but I think I'd be more upset about the $1800. This clearly was not of his own volition. I don't think adding more guilt onto the situation is helpful, to either of you.
The issue here is not what actually happened to him and why he got charged so much. It has more to do with the fact that he put himself in a position for this to happen. And that is 100% his fault. Why did he need to go to a strip club? And when there, why did he need to drink? These are choices HE made that got himself into a situation that, ultimately, he doesn't even remember. That is what I would be more worried about. At some point these choices are going to lead to difficult situations. I mean one day he could find himself in jail and not know why. Does this seem normal to you? Of course not. The solution is for him to stay away from places that are notorious for getting you into sticky situations (i.e. strip clubs). An go easy on the alcohol so at least you are conscious of what is happening to you.
Sorry for my lack of sympathy for you and your husband, but if you play with fire, sooner or later you are going to get burnt.
One question. You stated he has gone to strip clubs before. And you apparently did not have a problem then? And he's always been honest?
So while there was some odd and weird circumstances with this trip, isn't this like a "Boundary After the Fact".
He's gone before, and you never got mad or said he couldn't. So why should he get in trouble this time?
And I definitely agree about the weird charges and blacking out. Happened to a (single) friend of mine, not for that much, but he whipped out a debit card at the club and the strippers started ordering Champagne and everything else. Basically feed him drinks and shots until he was toasted and couldn't remember, then ran up the card for the most the bank allows in a day.
And as far as the bronzer, you can't touch them but they can touch you (i.e. touch your face / arms / chest / etc. and things like that) so I don't see anything weird about him having it on his skin.
So if you choose to believe him or not concerning what happened when there, that's up to you... but you need to think about punishing him for going in the first place. Because it doesn't sound like there was some type of rule about him going?
Yes, he spoke to the client following this event and he doesn't remember much either. In fact, my husband gave me his client's phone number so I could text him and he was very willing to answer any questions I had. His client did say he got one lap dance that cost over $400, and there was one charge for $460. They were both very drunk or drugged. Both my husband and I decided not to fight the charges as we'd be fighting an uphill battle. They had a copy of his (2) credit cards that were used and his license, and they did a fairly decent job of forging his signature (although we can tell it's not his). They also made a fake imprint of his thumb on a VIP "rules sheet", again with his forged signature. If we fought this his name would be out there and it would prolong the stress and, quite honestly, the issue is not the money at all, as I know he got ripped off. I'm not upset about the strip club....he goes as a goof with his co-workers....both men and women....once every 2 years after their Christmas party, if that (that ended a few years ago). Sure this time I got a little angry and was going to bust his balls for a while, but then I'd get over it and tease him about it. It's the intimacy that kills me with this one. I try to put myself in his position and think about me being drunk and a naked guy rubbing all over me and I know I would just be "ewww gross" and think nothing of it. I just keep picturing him all smiles and in his glory and loving every minute of it. I have to keep in mind that if he was that drunk (or drugged) it's likely he was pretty out of it in the vip room. Even the thought of a woman (possibly my daughter's age!) touching his hair, and nibbling on his ear makes me sick, but I have no idea if this happened. My concern is that he does remember some fondling and he's not telling because he knows I'll freak out. I've been on other web sites where men claim that anything and everything happens in the vip room including all kinds of touching, but I don't know if it's fiction or not. I'm not so concerned about the drinking because my husband can handle his drinking and NEVER blacks out. The crazy thing is that the next morning he wasn't even hung over just extremely tired, so that makes me think he was drugged. I guess I would love to hear from another guy if these private lap dances are all that great, or if it's just a longer version of what you get out on the floor, and a lot more expensive. My husband is bashful and wouldn't be quick to grope a stripper, but do you think it's possible she would put his hands on her b**bs thinking she'd get a bigger tip or more dances? Also, if my husband did fall asleep in a chair at the club or in the vip room, would they just leave him there? The entire event is so sketchy, and that's what's hard to get over.
By the way, the club I am referring to is a gentlemen's club in NYC, so that explains why they could get away with $1,800 in charges for vip room, bottle service, etc., whether legit or not. Again, he doesn't remember much other than someone handing him a drink.
"I just keep picturing him all smiles and in his glory and loving every minute of it."
OK, BR, this? Stop this. It's pretty clear that he was way drunk or drugged, and there is just no percentage to you imagining it this way. You and your husband (and your bank account) went through a bad thing -- don't make it worse with your imagination.
Honestly, if he was drugged (which it sounds like he was), they probably weren't doing much of anything in the VIP room other than running up his credit card.
Those woman are in it for one thing. The MONEY. The will do as little as possible to get the Maximum amount of money. If your hubby was drugged and basically out of it, I would bet my paycheck on the fact they spent more time laughing at him (again, while running up his credit card) than having him rub on their boobs. They won't get pleasure out of doing this to some drunk/drugged older man. If they were really in it because they wanted to get rubbed and it really turned them on. The last thing they would do is drug their clients.
And yes, if he was asleep, they would leave his ass there as long as he wasn't in the way or going to interfere with them getting the next target.