I am so embarrassed, but me and my husband had a threesome episode with someone and I hate I ever did it. Here's the situation: My husband is a music producer/songwriter/rapper and he has his own home studio. He talked me into having a threesome with one of his female rap artists about 2 years ago. I hesitated and made excuses not to do it for a long time because I did not understand why we had to and I felt like he just needed an excuse to have sex with someone else and have not feel guilty because I was involved. He tried to find someone for us to bring into our bedroom but they never worked out. Then, he started working on producing this girl's album and told me that she would be the one because she was not from here and she would keep it on the low. I told him that I didn't want to do it with someone I'd have to be around alot. He told me that he was producing this album and that would be it. Which did not happen.
I felt so horrible, hurt and embarrassed of what I allowed to be going on in the instant that I saw him get on top of her and begin to have intercourse. So, I ran out of the room crying and he followed me and asked was I okay and I lied saying I was. He went back into the room instantly and finished what he started. I couldn't believe that he did that. I went back into the room and laid down facing away from them and silently cried. Then, he came over to me after a few minutes and finished having sex with me until he released. I feel that that night was the WORST day of my life. There is no other day worst. I have not been able to get the scene of him on her out of my mind.
Since that night they have become very close in their friendship and claim that they don't like each other like that and that they have gotten forgiven for that night and everything's business. Well, the music industry is the worst business ever for a married couple to try to make it in.
She is not from our town and don't have a lot of family here either except for her Aunt and Grandmother but she don't even fool with them because of some family drama that I don't even really know or care to know. She has 2 kids and her and the youngest child's father broke up last year so she has been trying to make as a single mother and is just a mess.
He claims that he has to be there for her because she don't have nobody and she is in a custody battle with her baby's dad.
I recently just lost it and said for her to not call here anymore and that she could not come to our house anymore because I am just sick of her. I don't want to lend my husband to help her out of every situation she is in in her life anymore. He is at the end of finishing up her next music project (1 and suppose to be the last of about 4 or 5 singles or mixtapes that they've done) but I don't want to see her or have anything to do with her. Since she can't call or come over he calls her everyday 2 and 3 or more times a day. He says they are working. When I try to ease drop on their conversation, they are talking about the music game and stuff.
My problem is that she don't go nowhere or do nothing without going through him. She checks in to him on any and everything she do.
I feel like I may have to divorce him because he says that music his life and she is apart of the music and keeps him motivated to do it. I can't be dedicated to motivating him I have our 3 kids to look after, I'm in school full time trying to get my Bachelor's degree in teaching, and working. I am so drained on a daily and all he does is talk to her on the phone and help her solve her problems. I want her to move around or else I'm gonna move around. I love him so much this July 18th is our 10 year anniversary but I will make 17 years that we've been together and I don't wanna throw it away but I can't stand their relationship. Can men and women be just friends? I need some help to sort this out....fast!
First, if you were uncomfortable with the idea in the first place, you shouldn't have let him talk you into doing it. Then, when it came to actually doing it, you should have said no, I can't do this..and that should have been the end of it. Then, since you didn't do that, you should have told him honestly that you were NOT alright. Obviously, hindsight 20/20. Have you had real discussions about this with him? I mean really getting your feelings out there about the whole situation? Honestly, music industry be damned. He needs to stop seeing/talking to this woman you invited into your bed, NOW! She does not need HIM to work with her...and if he is as good as you are implying, he does NOT need HER. Tell him honestly how you feel... if he wants to continue seeing this woman, you're gone. Honestly, I felt sick FOR you when reading your description of what happened. I couldn't have even gotten into the situation in the first place.
Seriously, if your marriage is going to work, he needs to get rid of this other woman. In my experience, men and women can't be "just friends" if there has been sex involved. Seriously, he should have just stopped with her when you ran out of the room.
Is your husband even making any money off the work he is doing with/for her?
You say that you have heard him on the phone with her. Do they text each other? Is he protective of his cell phone and does he keep it password protected?
Does he go places with her in the car where they are alone in the car?
He should end this relationship for the sole reason that it bothers you. You have every reason to feel as you do. Have you ever told him how traumatized you are about the 3-some?
As far as his connection to this female goes...check out the thread I've linked below. The advice that poster received is good and you might find it useful.
Husband starts banging some chick in front of her, she runs out crying, he feigns interest and concern, she lies and says she's ok, he goes back to bang chick and then finishes in wife?
Oh man
OP! I know you wish you never consented to this, but do you think he would have cheated anyway? He seemed to really just want to do her.
To "that_girl", he wore a condom when he was with her. I have been to the doctor since then, no STDs.
To "EleGirl", he did make money off of her. She paid for studio time and for original tracks. That's why I have to let him finish the album with her. She did pay for it already. We share a cell phone and he never texts. They don't go anywhere in the car alone but have in the past. He wouldn't go in the studio with her unless I was home and we use to have to go pick her up to pay bills and what not. A few times that I allowed him to take her home without me but he took some of the kids and her kids where with them too.
I have talked to him several times about the way I feel and he just apologizes and says to relax because they don't like each other that way. They just encourage each other in the music game and she has put it down for his label, more than anyone else.
I really need him to help me raise our boys but I've decided to try to find a way to let him finish her album and then I will put my foot down that he has to release her from his music label and they have to break off their friendship or "whatever" they have and she must go on with her life without him in it or I want a divorce. It will hurt to go on without him, but I will if I have to.
She says that she thought she was apart of the family, but I don't want her as apart of the family. I know that this whole situation is my fault because all I had to do was stand strong and continue to say no but I didn't. So, I feel that it is up to me to put my foot down and fix this and move on with or without him. He has said several times that if we was to divorce he wouldn't be with her but I don't know if that would be true.
I just hope I can recover from this whole experience. I hope that I don't have to get a divorce just to heal.
Demand he give the money back and work on your marriage.
Cheaters lie. His whole "relax" comments are just devaluing your feelings.
She thought she was part of the family?! How does a 3some make her part of the family? What did he tell her this was?
This whole thing here. He is minimizing how YOU feel about it all. What is more important here? Money? Or your marriage? And you can ask him that way as well. And her thinking she was family... OMG! I'm curious what he said to that....
Well, in my pursuit of trying to just let this whole situation go and try to help her get on her feet after her baby daddy left, she didn't have a car, and needed to move out of their apartment into a house, I let her and her kids go along with us to the park and even on our spring break trip out of town.
After the spring break trip, I had enough of the caring for her feelings and trying to be a blessing to her. We had helped find a car that she paid cash for and move into a house. Now, she should be on her own but every time something needed fixing, she'd call my husband and I got tired of her calling to tell him every time she went somewhere and when she got back. She said she was considered a local celebrity and it felt good having someone knowing your whereabouts in case something happened to her. It didn't make sense to me. My husband said it was a "crew" thing. He was suppose to look out for anyone on his music label and in his crew.
We can't afford to give her the money back so I'm gonna have to let him finish her album but I'm done after that. I just don't wanna go through the fact that they'll be in the studio together for hours and her kids will have to be at my house at the same time since school is out and she don't have a babysitter.
We can't afford to give her the money back so I'm gonna have to let him finish her album but I'm done after that. I just don't wanna go through the fact that they'll be in the studio together for hours and her kids will have to be at my house at the same time since school is out and she don't have a babysitter.
She has to find another babysitter. She can't afford it?? Too damn bad - that is NOT your problem. She is an adult (right?) and adults need to figure out their own problems. It sounds to me like she thinks that your husband is her husband and you're the nanny. Argh! Your whole story is making my blood pressure go up. I can't imagine what it is doing to you.
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Menage a Trois gone wrong....so wrong 
Re: Menage a Trois gone wrong....so wrong 
