i have a crush on another man...

livelaughlovenow · 07-01-2012, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cocovas09

my marriage has left me with some serious insecurities.. and i think maybe subconsciously or consciously who knows which.. i've been more open to other possibilities... i wouldnt say i "sought" this man out, but he's a customer at my bank. he owns the gas station right behind my building and he comes in daily to deposit his business' cash. there is always a mild flirtation between BOTH of us.. if i'm working that day he'll usually wait until i'm free to assist him.. the other day he came in and i said, "thank goodness you came! i was about to go broke!" and he said, "hun, you can call me anytime.. i'm just across the street"... sometimes when he comes in multiple times a day i'll ask him if he missed me so much he had to come back.. he'll laugh and say yes.

here's the kicker... he's so loud about his divorce.. apparently they made a $250,000 settlement that he has to pay her over the course of some time period so he's always transfering money from the business to give to his xwife. he calls it "giving to charity" when he comes it.. that's our code that he needs to pay her.

so here i am.. married to a guy with some serious issues with his family, which i've endured for 4 years.. my hubs and i get along great.. but recent events have made me feel disconnected from him and i'm left feeling sometimes aloof and insecure. i've never even seen the other guy outside of work.. but i'd bet you $1,000,000 if he asked me out on a date... i'd go.

i cant tell my hubs because it'd be wwIII, and i'm sure he'd do something immature and damaging to the marriage out of spite, hate and immaturity.. plus there's nothing really to tell... but the CRAZY thing is.. i dont feel guilty for liking this guy. i dont feel guilty for wanting to go on a date with him and getting to know him better. does that mean something or am i just an arse?

You are being an arse.... you are flirting with fire. If you are that unhappy in your marriage. Divorce your husband, and only then can you pursue this man, bbut first, read thru your marriage vows, think about your children, read up on the impact divorce has on kids, and decide if you can live with all of that... if you can, go for it, if not, reconnect with your husband and ensure another bank teller handles this customer.

pidge70 · 07-01-2012, 12:16 PM

Where did you get they have kids?
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Coffee Amore · 07-01-2012, 03:25 PM

Here's my take on this.

Neither one of you is very vested in this marriage.

You feel that he's not invested in the marriage because of the way he puts his family before you. He has kept important information about you from them and continues to do so even after a deadline/ultimatum was given by you.

You aren't vested in the marriage either. You have one foot out the door. I suspect you're looking around at other men because you know your husband isn't 100% in the marriage so you're keeping your options open too. It's also possibly a way to hurt him by saying "look buddy..you're not the only option for me. I can attract other men."

A marriage works when both partners are in. You can't do it by half measures. Either both of you are all in or not.

What you're describing sounds like a marriage that's limping along, half alive. It's not a thriving marriage.

cocovas09 · 07-01-2012, 04:32 PM

i agree with you, coffee..

diwali... i'm not going to ask my hubs about it anymore.. i've beaten that dead horse for 2 years.. it's not productive... it only makes everything worse. i've already accepted the possibility of what you're describing, and i've financially prepared myself for that situation.. if that is my fate.. there's nothing i can do about it.. i cant control the future.. or his actions. i'd love to spend the rest of my life with him.. but im aware that that's probably not a realistic expectation for us. but you never know.. they could get blown up in a car bomb tomorrow... or he may actually find his balls .. but i dont know what's going to happen.. and i'm not gonna stress out about it everyday.. just letting life happen...

bandit.45 · 07-01-2012, 04:39 PM

Then get a divorce. Don't become another run of the mill lowdown dirty cheater. Be true to yourself and honest with your husband. Don't take the cowards way out.
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