So, I've been seeing the same person for almost 3 months now. Still not committed, which is a whole other story, he continues to say he does not want a relationship...ok, got it.
What really bothers me, and I just can't figure this out, is the fact that I am always the one asking to see him. Not in a desperate way, I'm not like that, but just a "what are you up to" kind of thing, "let me know if you want to hang out"...you get the point. He's very receptive to the idea, and answers "sure, come on over". Once we together, he's affectionate, caring, happy to be around me.. etc.
Why can't he just ask to get together...I brought it up in a subtle way, as I need open communication, and he basically said "you're always welcome to come over"...ok, but I still need to be asked sometimes...this might sound trivial, but it is kind of a theme in our "friendship", like one morning we're lounging in bed for about an hour just chatting, and I get up and say "I guess it's coffee time", and he responds "oh, I had something else in mind" or something like that. So I come back to bed, and sit on top of him in a non-sexual way, just affectionate, and say "I'm not a mind reader, you need to say these things"...silence, and then he initiates with a kiss.
Maybe some men are just not as open as women, my ex was so open it was like "shut up, I understand what you're saying". He'd just be so expressive, and revealing of what his needs or wants were, I just seemed to ignore them....that's a whole other story as well.
I really like this guy, but he is really bummed from his last relationship, so I'm not sure if he just has no trust in women, or is afraid to open up and be rejected???
Stop making excuses for him. Oh, I used to be such a master at doing exactly what you are doing -- fooling myself.
He's not that into you. Stop calling, stop texting, if he wants to see you, he can call. And I wouldn't be available every time either.
You seriously think he's not really into me??? why is he happy when I do go over then? if he really didn't care he'd be very slack about our interaction no?
I guess I'm so inexperienced at this whole dating thing, I can't even tell if a person likes me or not....just freaking great.
I don't know, Working, and I'm not in your shoes. Probably over-projecting from my own experience -- I came up with a million excuses, he wasn't ready, he'd been hurt and was afraid to commit, he was not good at social skills, whatever.
I can't say that he's not into you, but the behavior you're describing would honestly bother me even if it were from a friend. It's never good for a relationship when one person takes all the initiative. So, just stop calling and texting and see what happens. Maybe he'll pick up the slack. Maybe he won't. Either way, you'll know a little more than you do now.
And NO ONE is good at dating, no one...it's one of those things that doesn't really get all that much easier after doing it a lot
Seriously, do you think a guy would mistreat a woman who is willing to do all the work? Heck, he's probably fine with things the way they are! He's nice to you b/c he likes you enough and he is getting what he wants. What is the mystery with that? He may just be a nice person and find your company pleasant, w/o really being that into you. Who knows? But until you give him a chance to make the plans, he won't--and if he does not, well, you have your answer.
If he's getting what he wants with the way things are, why should he change his behavior? YOU aren't getting what you want, so YOU should change your behavior. He may or may not prove more interested. This is not a game, to "make him" call you. If you want him to initiate some of the time--1/2 the time, perhaps, and that lets you know you are valued, etc., then expect that. If it doesn't happen, well, you have an answer--probably not the one you wanted.
You seriously think he's not really into me??? why is he happy when I do go over then? if he really didn't care he'd be very slack about our interaction no?
I guess I'm so inexperienced at this whole dating thing, I can't even tell if a person likes me or not....just freaking great.
Don't be so down on yourself. I just think this isn't the guy for you right now. But back off a bit and see if he picks it up. Maybe you haven't given him opportunity to take initiative because you always call/text first.
You guys make a good point. And it's true what you say, and I guess I just don't want to know the answer if he's into me or not. But I will take the advice, I have to for my own sanity, and yes, I need to stop making excuses for him, he either wants to be with me or not.
I didn't text him yesterday at all to see him last night. I was pretty proud of myself. I was also disappointed that he didn't call or whatever. But then I caved and texted him this morning. I just have to learn to back off. He went to Florida for almost a week, and I did not text once, and he initiated when he got back. But it's feeling like a stupid game, and I'm not 20.
Don't be so down on yourself. I just think this isn't the guy for you right now. But back off a bit and see if he picks it up. Maybe you haven't given him opportunity to take initiative because you always call/text first.
Maybe I'm just a keener....lol
Yeah, I'm backing off now, we'll see what happens. One time I got stubborn and didn't text him for 3 days. I was almost going to mention that I am considering dating other people, but that's just too mean I think.
Yea...after 3 months, you shouldn't be doing this.
You are the cat in this relationship. You took the reins and now...this is the pattern and it's lame.
My advice would just be to find someone better suited for you and next time, DO NOT do the calling/texting. Be pursued.
Sometimes we think there's a rush to get somewhere where we can say we are in a relationship...that we HAVE to force it to work. If we feel that way, then it's not working.
Yeah, I'm backing off now, we'll see what happens. One time I got stubborn and didn't text him for 3 days. I was almost going to mention that I am considering dating other people, but that's just too mean I think.
Three days and you didn't text and he didn't either?
Is this a relationship or just dating? What do you guys have? Are you on the same page?
After 3 months, and no contact in 3 days and that's normal? Eesh...I wouldn't be exclusive with this one.
Yea...after 3 months, you shouldn't be doing this.
You are the cat in this relationship. You took the reins and now...this is the pattern and it's lame.
My advice would just be to find someone better suited for you and next time, DO NOT do the calling/texting. Be pursued.
Sometimes we think there's a rush to get somewhere where we can say we are in a relationship...that we HAVE to force it to work. If we feel that way, then it's not working.
You are so right about this, I have been the one pursuing and he is used to this, and it's easy for him. You are also right that I may be in a rush to get to the relationship part, and can't sit through the beginning part. I'm wanting something that's not there, and I need to figure out why.
Why is he being so passive though, is it his personality?? I should know though after 3 months.
grrr
Please don't waste a year trying to figure out his personality.
THIS is who he is. If you don't like it, move on. Don't be the person to want to fix him or change him. You know that doesn't work and you are not desperate.
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Trust Issues, or lack of Self-Esteem?? 
