i think women are much too hard on themselves about their looks.
more so than a lot of men are towards women.
^^^ We clearly are... hell someone could be super model hot and still think they aren't attractive. Either way like 2nd and many others stated... I believe men focus more on personality then appearance... at least... some men?
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
looks only go so far.
confidence and personality are what draw me to a woman.
i think women are much too hard on themselves about their looks.
more so than a lot of men are towards women.
if i am attracted to the woman herself, then she is beautiful to me.
Both of my marriages were to what I'd call less than stellar women in the ways of physical beauty. But both possessed an element of intelligence, caring, and spirituality on a plane equal with mine. They both had the inate capability to make themselves physically attractive, and I was most appreciative of that. But what really won my heart over was their seemingly caring quality, their being so very easy to talk with, and the size of their heart.
Just don't let the negative attributes intercede. If you have any, work on them because their presence alone can make the most physically beautiful/handsome person an ugly duckling by comparison. My exes now have very damning attributes of deceit, that make them both as unattractive and untrustworthy as Salem's most despicable witches.
Reach out with your heart, reach out with the soul, cry a little, and laugh often. Love God first, then love yourself, and love others with your whole heart. Despite your perceived physical attributes(or lack thereof) and at the end of the day, it will truly be your heart that will come to win them over.
Attractiveness is a package deal. Use the totality of that package to your advantage, as God has so richly intended for you to do!
I believe men focus more on personality then appearance... at least... some men?
Very few. You've got to have looks to get noticed. After that, other criteria may come into play. Or not. Depends on the guy. That's why you see intellectual dweebs like Arthur Miller with girls like Marilyn Monroe. He really had no criteria beyond looks.
Confidence, education, achievements, etc. don't really count as primary attractors. High income can be a strong attractor...for the the wrong kind of guy. Those are often things women are looking for, but not most guys.
OP may or may not be overstating her facial issues, but there are guys out there who would be interested in her. I have a cousin who had quite a few physical attraction challenges she had to overcome (plus an ultra-violent bastard son), but she has been married for 15 years. The thing is, though, her husband also has some pretty big facial attraction features of his own. If my cousin had not been willing to accept a guy on her own level, attraction wise, she would still be single. No question.
After another rejection by a man I really liked, I have come to the conclusion that it is, and always has been me. Everyone else in this world can attract a partner, but me. I know I am ugly, but I have seen women more homely then me who always seem to have a loving boyfriend. Then of course there are my friends who are all very beautiful women who have never had to spend a second alone because they always have a line of men who are dying to be their boyfriends.
What are some things that could make a woman completely undesirable to men like I am? I take good care of myself, I am educated, I have a nice, athletic body. I wear just a little makeup, I have a decent car, have my own home, I smell nice. I am friendly and open, strangers are always starting conversations with me when waiting in lines or what have you. I have a truly wonderful life, but the only thing missing in my life is love and companionship. I am so, so lonely, I literally feel like its killing me. Soon I will be past my child bearing years, and then I feel like I will really be worthless to men. All I want, just once, is to know what its like to be appreciated and loved by a man. Even if its just for a week. How on earth do I make that happen? Ladies, help me out here please!
Why are you asking the ladies???
It's odd to hear someone be so positive about so many things - and then so incredibly negative about just one. Had I skipped the first paragraph I might have wondered if you were conceited!!!
Beauty is more than just one body part - I know I look at more than just a woman's face when determining beauty.
As you sound very - concerned - is it possible you may be coming off as needy or desperate?
confidence is sexy, but to much is not. for me an outgoing woman will get my attention even if she is so so. Also if you treat me with a sweet attitude you will instantly hook me. I like to be nurtured thats the boy thats still in me. some men need to be the savior as well. thats me. A damsel in distress will also get my attention. I,m just weird like that. So evven if you dont need help and can handle yourself be a little helpless to the guys sometimes. this info probably only applies to the nice guy types though. Posted via Mobile Device
I do appreciate your palliative care. I know that no one has the answers for me, and that these kind of cliche sayings, are just what people tell people like me to keep us busy and try to distract us from our loneliness. See, I like myself, I really do. Like I said I know I am a strong, capable woman who takes care of herself and gets stuff done. The ONLY thing I hate about myself is that no man has ever valued me. I have gone though times in life feeling at the top of the world, like nothing could bring me down. I didn't give a **** if I had a man or not. Things are always the same for me, no matter what. Its just so hard to keep telling myself that I am ok, when the feedback I get, tells me the opposite.
Its the same for beautiful women too. I know beautiful women who's lives are constantly total messes full of drama and bad times, and yet, they have a whole string of men hoping they will be picked, just waiting their turn for some abuse. I read on here that beautiful women always have a line of men wanting to be with them, and thats a fact.
Yes, maybe I am needy, I do feel needy. I have a need for affection, for warmth, and for support (emotional). Its a cold and lonely world out here. I can't help it. I don know how to not want to have companionship. I can't just turn that off. Its not even about sex, my loneliness has completely killed my sex drive (no point in having a sex drive after years without sex). I have been told "YOu need to let him know how you feel!" I have been told "You need to play hard to get" and "Just be yourself and do what feels natural." No matter what, its all the same outcome. I am doomed to wander this earth alone.
I take good care of myself, I am educated, I have a nice, athletic body. I wear just a little makeup, I have a decent car, have my own home, I smell nice. I am friendly and open, strangers are always starting conversations with me when waiting in lines or what have you.
I'm married, but if I was back out there...you sound pretty damn good to me. My W is gorgeous. We met in our early 20's, and looks were important to me. Now, at 45, again if I was back out there...I would go more for a woman who treated me right vs. just chasing the best looking ones.
The next time a stranger starts a conversation, take the lead and ask him out for coffee. Guys love that shyte.
I have been told "YOu need to let him know how you feel!" I have been told "You need to play hard to get" and "Just be yourself and do what feels natural." No matter what, its all the same outcome. I am doomed to wander this earth alone.
Yeah, that's all bad advice. Guys get told the exact same stuff and it never works.
. See, I like myself, I really do. Like I said I know I am a strong, capable woman who takes care of herself and gets stuff done. The ONLY thing I hate about myself is that no man has ever valued me.
Here's where I see the difference. You like yourself. You need to love yourself.
I am quirky, rude, crude, cynical, not bubbly, pessimistic, and eccentric. I am overly assertive and forward when it comes to topics I feel passionate about, and I have the sense of humor of a dirty old man. I'm messy, not always well kept, I like to get dirty I could list a million turn offs I have going for me mainly because I excel at turning people off. They either don't get it, are offended by it, or I am too weird for them to deal with.
The list of things that make guys walk away, is the same list of things I LOVE about myself. I simply am,and I love it. I know plenty of people with lines of guys waiting for them, plenty of girls who have men whenever they want, I am not that girl I never will be, and I could not be happier with that thought.
If i were to end up alone for the rest of my life, I would be perfectly ok with it. The only person who needs to value me, is me.
It seems like you lack that feeling. get it back. Self confidence is so important and does take effort. I just told my brother the other day that it was amazing to me that I actually have confidence, I can't remember ever being able to say that.
sincerely worry about being the interesting amazing person you really are. Don't bother with worrying about being attractive or interesting to anyone else, if you have to try that hard, its not worth it anyways because the "person" they value at that point isn't you, its the person you painted yourself to be.
I'd suggest getting involved with an activity group like the AMC or go to ballroom dance classes where you'll be partnered with a variety of men in a low-stress low-commitment atomosphere or start vacationing by joining activity groups like rock climbing trips or bike trips, treks, etc. I think men will find you more approachable in these settings, and these settings will also let you strut your stuff, and you do have stuff. I think if you bypass the usual curb-appeal filtering that potential dates can do by getting right into the doing-things-together stage things will go a lot better for you. Of course, this requires strategy, but you can manage that. You're actually doing the men you're interested in or the type of men you would be interested in, a favor...you remove some of the risk but not all of it, and help them over the hurdle created by your scars which are of course a part of you. The truth is, no matter who we marry or fall in love with, a simple accident can transform their physical being. The guy you eventually marry will not be concerned with outer beauty, he will only know how he feels when he is around you, which is good, and that's a lot more noticeable than looks, trust me on that one. I fell in love with a guy who really didn't have much curb appeal. He snuck up on me in one of those group activity settings, over time, and then one day I realized holy cr*p I fell in love with my buddy. lol.
thin thick tall short blond brunette redhead bald doesn't matter. I love them all. Wash your hair and get it done, put on your face, wear something you think is hot. Tell yourself you're gorgeous because you are. Then crank up that smile to 11.