Newly Seperated

wanthimback · 07-02-2012, 06:09 AM

Hi, looking for advice. I'm newly seperated, not by my choice, and desperatley want my husband back. We've been together for 12 years and have 3 young kids. Recently we lost 2 houses to floods and he told me he didn't want to be together anymore, I was completely blind sided. He's been working away for 18 months and has now rented a house there permanently. I want to try to work things out, but he doesn't, what can I do.

okeydokie · 07-02-2012, 07:58 AM

can you tell us why he might not want to reconcile?

wanthimback · 07-02-2012, 04:32 PM

He'd been working away for a while, only coming home on weekends. I guess things got a bit stressed as he was travelling a lot and I was stressed from having to do everything for the kids on my own. It appears he turned to another woman, also going through a seperation, to talk about his problems (although I don't think he was totally honest with her). Then it seemed to him like I was the one causing all the problems in his life so if he got rid of me his life would be good. In short he has moved 400 kilometres away and thinks that running from his problems is the answer. Unfortunately we have 3 kids now caught in the cross fire. I am no longer arguing about the seperation, but desperately want to save my marriage and my family. Also there's a lot of extended family where the kids and I live, which have caused a few issues (but also our houses are here and we have a huge mortgage). I have considered moving the kids and I to where he is, but would have no support there and at this point he is not even willing to give our marriage another try, so I'm not sure this is the answer. Also it would kill me to see him with anybody else.

This is me · 07-02-2012, 05:22 PM

Don't move there. I highly recommend you read the book Divorce Busting. This helped me a ton though 4 months of seperation.

If he is going through a mid life crisis, you will need to show patience. They cover this in the book very well and give advice how to respond and what to do.

The unhappiness of an MLC makes the foggy spouse point their blame right at the other spouse. If you can make minimal waves with borders, you have the greatest chance. They cover this in the book.

Learn the 180, also in the book. This will help strengthen you and mitagate the damage of the marriage.