help305

I have been faced with sexual harrasment at my previous job which my husband claims it was my fault. I didn't tell him when it occured that the man grasped my ass. My husband has anger problems. I am very pretty and this has happend to me at other stages in my life, being without him. Now he thinks twice about everything that I do and questions everything, It has come to the point that yelling and pointing out each thing I do wrong, is a daily routine. I have found myself saying sorry for everything that I do or not do. He b@*chs about eveything as to calling him back, you said, I said, why this why that etc.... Now, he feels everything I say and do is a lie. I don't know if this is a sign of my 17 yr marraige ending, but the abuse just goes on and on he doesn't even want my sorry's anymore. I find myself thinking twice of each step that I may make or say. I don't have any friends for he is very controling and abusive. I find myself afraid of what to say to his questions because he reacts to everything by yelling. I have said to myself I would never accept my man to hit me and it has gotten to the point that he has hit me once and even harrased that he will kill me. I hate myself for accepting this. for which he says he love me too much, and I'm the problem always lying. But even though I don't lie anymore and promised, he still thinks that I'm lying. We are the kind of relationship that are always in contact with each other you see me working and on the phone with him in lunch and on the phone with him, no time for friends or hobbies, he doesn't even let me breathe my own air somtimes. I don't know what I should do. Is this an abusive relationship or am I really the problem that doesn't do anything right and always find myself feeling guilty for everything. He says I always have and excuse and never take real responsibility for what I do, and end up doing it again. Now he wants to leave me and I somehow feel releif but sad for about to loose every effort that we have strive to keep things together.

diwali123

Let him go. Get some help, go to counseling, get back with your family and friends. I'm sorry you are going through this but you can get out.
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Prodigal

THIS. You have been around the abuse for so long that you have built up a sort of tolerance to it. You get the he!! out of there. You go to court. You get a restraining order.

And you don't let him know where you are.

Take it from a former battered spouse. It doesn't get better unless you get some support and get the legal system involved.

Does your husband ever leave the house? Plan a getaway. You work. You can earn a living. You can make it on your own.

I got a restraining order, and three BIG men to move my stuff out of the house. My husband didn't dare make a move. I also got a p.o. box to use for my new address so he wouldn't be able to find me.

Granted, your husband knows where you work. But that is the importance of a restraining order. I specifies he cannot call you, text you, email you, or come within 100 feet of you. I carried my order with me at all times, and had my cell set to auto-dial 911.

Get this sick man out of your life. For good.

__________________
I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

teewhy

Just my opinion, but it sounds like him wanting to leave is the best part of your story. I understand your sadness as all of us who are separating/divorcing feel some sort of sadness, but at least you do have a way out. Him refusing to leave would be much worse. I say take your way out while you can!

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Go where you're celebrated, not tolerated...

help305

I feel that this has been my fault, I try to be perfect but when I feel I'm doing the right thing he tells me otherwise, we don't go anywhere if its not together, he says he can't live without his kids. He treatens that he will shoot himself and he has tried but I end up stopping him. He has a very controlling way of being as to he thinks he is perfect and does not like mistakes.

wiigirl

Counseling....go from there. Seriously....Counseling.

occasionallybaffled

Pack his things for him. It will be difficult at first, but the sooner he is gone, the happier you will be. Don't let him abuse you any more.

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The world is full of too many people... for two people to remain together... if one/both are truly unhappy and unwilling to change.

FRANC

I once worked for the criminal prosecution service in the UK (like your DA's office), and worked on numerous domestic violence/abuse cases.

We had many prosecutions started only to have the victim try to get out of being a witness because the man had come back, apologized and said he really loves her, but she kinda made him do it...

Statistically speaking, in the UK, women will have been physically abused at least 7 times before they seek help.

You ARE in an abusive relationship and you should take the advice given by Prodigal.

What you are receiving from him is not what real love is. It is control and abuse. So sorry you are in this situation.

You need to act to save yourself and protect your children. Dont become a statistic...

FRANC

And trying to be perfect all the time, and thinking about his reaction before you do or say anything...very very unhealthy and unsustainable...and you know it. Please get some professional and legal help to assist you in dealing with this.

I wish you good luck...please keep posting if you need support and a push to move forward.

jlock111

Is he an addict or alcoholic?

lamaga

Okay, stop right there. That is the classic sign of an abused woman.

Get help now. Get counseling, get help, get whatever you need, but stop this kind of thinking.