please help me with my marriage.

catsandbabys10 · 07-05-2012, 02:38 PM

me and my husband have been married for just over a year now and is excpecting identical twin boys but my husband dosnt want to spend the last few months with me, he just wants to sleep all the time, as in he gose to bed at 8am and gets up at 4pm. im fed up of being on my own all the time and when i say anything to him we BOTH get too angry with each other and fight with fists and stuff, i need help with this problem like a bit of advice, i love him alot and dont want to leave him, i really want to work threw this and be alot more happier at the end of it all.i really do not no what else to do as we can not afford counsiling so advice is going to be really helpful. thank you for reading my post.

we both do not work, he is my career as i have mental health issues,we are on benifits at the moment but are manageing, money is not really that tight.

lamaga · 07-05-2012, 02:40 PM

Is he working nights?

sisters359 · 07-05-2012, 02:48 PM

If there is already physical violence, I would recommend separating first and working on the marriage after the safety of all 4 of you is ensured.

You need to give a lot more detail about your lifestyle--does he work nights? Are you working? Is money really tight? Someone sleeping through all their free time is a sign of depression, and that is a serious illness. He absolutely needs to be seen by a medical professional. He may be feeling all sorts of negative things about becoming a dad, esp. of twins, and esp. if money is already tight. Then he withdrew from you, you guys fought, and his depression got worse. Breaking the cycle is very, very difficult.

But again, one of you needs to move in with a parent, sibling, other relative or friend while you start figuring this out; do this first. Medical advice on his mental health is 2nd. Then you can start looking for books to read together (or separately) and start trying to rebuild something meaningful.

You could lose or cause damage to the twins if you are physically assaulting him and he is assaulting you. You could both end up in jail. That's why separating NOW is your first priority.

catsandbabys10 · 07-06-2012, 04:52 AM

no he dose not work, hes my full time career as i have bad mental health problems, so i dont work ither, moneys ok at the moment we are on benifits for my illness so where ok for that, my family help out as much as thay can, the twins are not here yet not till 25th september but i think hes worried for when they do get here, the violence is from both sides but is worse from him as hes stronger than me so i get help but i dont no where to go or how to get it, i dont want to leave him as i feel as guilty as he dose but really need the violence to stop this is y i need some help and advice if possible.

lotsoflove · 07-06-2012, 08:41 AM

I think Sisters359 is right. The only way to protect yourselves right now is to separate. The physical violence in your household from both ends is very concerning, not to mention the stress and danger for your babies. If you both resort to physical violence when you are angry, what will stop you from hitting your children? I am not trying to be harsh, but this sounds like a very unhealthy relationship.

I hope you can both get the help that you need, for yourselves and your little ones. You need to separate, yesterday.

Sorry for your situation.

sinnister · 07-06-2012, 12:21 PM

Your husband hits you while you're pregnant?

Ask your family for help seperating from him. Dont stay. Leave. You can't have help for your marriage if it's at the point of abuse. That needs to be resolved first.