Sexy pictures, women being less visual, and long distance relationships.
My girlfriend is spending the summer a few hundred miles away from me. It's been tough, no question. I've visited her and she's visited me, and we skype, but...it's not easy.
Anyway, I thought sending her some pictures in various states of undress (and making clear I wanted sort of a sexy exchange...) would be a way to keep some sort of passion/sexual tension going.
I'm in very, very good shape. I'm not internet bragging but I've got lots of lean muscle, a prominent six pack, that V thing, etc. I'm 28 but in better shape than I was as a 22 year old collegiate track and field athlete.
She used to come across as very visual; she'd check me out all the time, point out my physical features to her friends, make lots of comments ("I hate to see you leave but I love to watch you go..." and that sort of thing), etc etc.
Over the course of our 1.5 year relationship, that's sort of cooled off a bit (okay, a lot) although I look exactly the same, AFAIK. I compliment her looks all the time, maybe too much (smothering?)
When I emailed her some pictures, she replied with a curt "Nice." And that was it. And she ignored my request for pictures in return.
I hinted again, a few days later, that I'd love a sexy picture of her. She played it off as a joke.
She's put on some weight over this summer - probably 10-15 lbs - and is very self-conscious about it. I personally think it looks great on her, as it seems to have just resulted in more curves, but she ignores my compliments or says "Ugh, I'm so FAT! Gross!"
So I guess what I'm asking is,
does being more self-conscious about your own looks diminish your attraction to your partner?
Or does that work indirectly by making you feel less sexual overall?
and/or
do women become less visually stimulated by the same old, same old after a while?
and/or
is there a possibility that she's just not that visual in the sense that women stereotypically are, and that she was just being flirty/friendly in the early stages of the relationship?
I just feel a little bit like she's not into me anymore, physically, but I realize that it might just be part of an issue of self-image.
Sorry if this comes across as ridiculous or egotistical or something and thanks for the help.
Re: Sexy pictures, women being less visual, and long distance relationships.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoWhat
So I guess what I'm asking is,
does being more self-conscious about your own looks diminish your attraction to your partner?
Or does that work indirectly by making you feel less sexual overall?
For me, it's the second thing. When I feel fat and ugly, I do NOT feel sexy, period. It diminishes my attraction to EVERYONE, not just my partner.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoWhat
and/or
do women become less visually stimulated by the same old, same old after a while?
Sure we do. But that doesn't mean we don't want to flirt and stuff. Hubby and I have been together about 16 years now I guess and he still gives me little chills up and down my spine sometimes. Not ALL the time like at first, but sometimes
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoWhat
and/or
is there a possibility that she's just not that visual in the sense that women stereotypically are, and that she was just being flirty/friendly in the early stages of the relationship?
.
I suppose.
It's hard to say - she could be not as into you as she was, if so, that's fine, you can move on. Or it could be her self esteem/weight gain. Talk to her about it.
Re: Sexy pictures, women being less visual, and long distance relationships.
Also, try phone sex. Just listening and imagining can be better than skype, whose time delay can be slightly weird. Hubby and I were long distance for 5 yrs. when dating. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Sexy pictures, women being less visual, and long distance relationships.
I think she played up the visual thing a bit more because her friends were around AND you were there to see, smell, touch. Very few women appear to find pictures all that stimulating.
As for her not returning a pic, two thoughts: Yep, she's unhappy about the weight gain (and nothing you say will change it) and/or she has heard enough horror stories about what ex boyfriends will do with pictures to think, "I am *never* going to do that."
I doubt she isn't into you--she's just not feeling great about herself. I think the phone sex idea is worth trying, and maybe check to make sure you are keeping romance--not just the sexy talk--alive.
Also, if you need to hear "words of affirmation" (from the Love Languages book), let her know. In a good, kind way. She may just not know how her words affect you, esp. if she has different love languages.
Re: Sexy pictures, women being less visual, and long distance relationships.
You asked a lot of questions! It really depends on the woman, if she is telling you she isn't comfortable in her own skin with that, what are you saying to reassure her? My hubby has said aw come on, you look beautiful please give me a peek, however, pictures on teh phone some women will not do period, or email because it simply isn't a secure connection... she may be worried you will share?? Most women are not very visual in terms of getting majorly turned on by a photo the way a man would be.... like if I send my hubby a provacitive picture he can get off to it, I would not be able to a pic of him, just imagining him is fine, a picture wouldn't make a difference. However, it is important for her to come out of her comfort zone to keep you happy so I would just simply ask her what you can do in return for her.
Re: Sexy pictures, women being less visual, and long distance relationships.
Sisters:
Thanks for the advice. I think it's good.
FWIW, she used to send me sexy pictures often. I don't think it's a fear of me spreading them around to friends.
Re: Sexy pictures, women being less visual, and long distance relationships.
Well then it seems like you just have to make your request plain and simple and say I need something to release to.... can I please have a picture of you????
My husband did this once when I was going on an extended trip and I was shy (we were dating) and wasn't into pictures... however, that statement alone got me thinking do I want him to release to a pic of me, or someone else....l promptly took a pic with my webcam and emailed it... (this was before cell phone cams)
Re: Sexy pictures, women being less visual, and long distance relationships.
She knows you think she is sexy--she just doesn't see herself that way right now, for whatever reason. Keep doing what you are doing, and show the love. Other than the picture, does she seem any less loving to you?
Sounds like you are doing a lot right, and she just needs to work on herself. Make sure her time with you is fun, with a bit of serious thrown in (not the other way around). Having fun in your chats, visits, etc., will get her "out of herself," and that may help her get perspective. Besides, it is just FUN!
Edit: if her verbal reassurances that you are still smoking hot are important to you, be sure to tell her--"I really like it when you check out my bod and make comments. I would love to hear more of that; I just need to know I'm still attractive to you." If you need to hear those words--called "words of affirmation" from the book, "Love Languages" or something like that; can't remember--then tell her. If she doesn't respond, remind her--and have her read the book (you should, too). Words may be important to how you receive love. A loving partner honors that.
Re: Sexy pictures, women being less visual, and long distance relationships.
Thanks, guys.
Have had some nice skype convos with her lately. She seems to be feeling better about herself. With very little prodding, she tried on a new skimpy swimsuit for me! Danced around in it, etc.
And then she told me I had to strip.
And, yeah, Sisters... it just got back to fun. Being flirty, like the old days.
Glad I'm not hideous to her! Glad she feels sexy again! Hooray!
Sexy pictures, women being less visual, and long distance relationships. 
