luckeydime

Hey Everyone! I'm new here and just feeling down with how I've been treated. I don't know who else to talk about my husband with because i have few friends. If anybody has any suggestions of what i can do I'd very much appreciate it! well here it goes. I've been married for 4 years now and we have a 4 year old daughter. i work part-time and my husband works full-time. i stay at home during the day with my daughter so we don't have to pay for daycare. Problem is I'm the only one who takes care of everything. All the chores, paying bills, waking up early with my daughter. My husband works overnights and i usually don't mind getting up early when he's gone. two months ago he was sick and was out of work for a week. well that week turned into two months. and for the two months he hasn't helped out, sleeps in till two. then complains that he's tired and goes and takes a nap. At night I've asked him if he'd be willing to get up and he says yes. but when the time comes, he's sleeping. there's no appreciation. I'm just hurt by the fact that he cannot help me even though he's been home for the past two months. i've tried talking about this with him, he just gets defensive and starts telling me he's not like my dad who's a loser and has his wife support him because he can't work. every argument that we have it leads to him pointing out all of the things he hates about my family. one other thing i don't understand is when it comes to birthdays and holidays, he has no problem getting his mom, dad, sister, and uncle something for their birthdays, mother and fathers day, and christmas. but when it comes to me, he does nothing. and its really hurtful when i search for things for him. I've given plenty of thoughtful gifts, but why nothing in return? i know gifts aren't important. but putting forth the effort for someone else is. i continue to do that but receive nothing in return. anybody know what i'm going through and what did you do to help yourself feel better?

Sensitive

Perhaps your hubby is depressed about being unemployed. Perhaps he feels incompetent with caring for his child. A lot of men aren't helpful around the house. Everything you mentioned, my hubby has done worse. About that gift giving thing, my hubby's ex-wife gets better birthday gifts than me, and his mother gets $50 flowers for Mother's day, and I get nothing.

Welcome to the site.

sisters359

It sounds like he might be depressed; is he seriously ill? Why has 1week become 2 months?

Because you are unhappy, you need to get his attention before you reach the point of no return, or the marriage will likely suffer and perhaps fail. Insist on counseling. If he won't agree, then he's not willing to make any efforts at improving the relationship and you should not allow that. Nor should you allow him to take advangtage of you. Some things have to be non-negotiable--like treating each other as equals, sharing the load at home as well as outside of home, and being respectful. If he is unwilling to make any effort, you have to decide if this really is a marriage or just some type of care-giving relationship.

Work on your marriage, but don't lose yourself.

luckeydime

Well he's not unemployed. his time away from work was always one thing then another. he got sick, then strained his back. i think now he's just afraid to go back to work. he did this twice last year and the year before. I have talked to him multiple times about this and his response was "That's your problem, not mine." being treated like this the last four years is hard. but everyday that there is always something new that he has to bring up. thanks for your suggestion of counseling. maybe that's my next step to take since nothing else has worked. thanks sisters 359!