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Old 07-22-2012, 11:42 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Compliments?

Is he passive aggressive for a reason? Is he angry? Or is he simply not capable of complimenting you? Like someone maybe with a personality disorder. Some personalities just don't do praise. They have to learn how to do it. Add in some childhood issues and you can see why some people would be like this.

Bottom line is he is capable of doing this if he really wanted to. At the moment he doesn't and only you can figure out why. For me personally I couldn't live like that. I NEED compliments from my husband.
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Old 07-22-2012, 06:19 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Mavash. View Post
Is he passive aggressive for a reason? Is he angry? Or is he simply not capable of complimenting you? Like someone maybe with a personality disorder. Some personalities just don't do praise. They have to learn how to do it. Add in some childhood issues and you can see why some people would be like this.

Bottom line is he is capable of doing this if he really wanted to. At the moment he doesn't and only you can figure out why. For me personally I couldn't live like that. I NEED compliments from my husband.
His P/A tendencies probably come mostly from the way he was raised. I have not spent enough time with most of his siblings to know if they have P/A tendencies too. I am not sure if this is just another one of those tendencies or if this is something else. I am thinking that his not complimenting me on cooking, since he waits until no one is around to say something . . . when he does is a P/A thing. It is just irritating and probably moreso right now since I don't feel we are at all in sync.

Most of the time he chooses to sleep in another room. When we have company, he is kind of forced back into "our" room. Unfortunately I have been sick and so I told him I would sleep on the couch so I didn't wake him. He said that was ok. So much for chivalry. . . .
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Old 07-23-2012, 11:26 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Compliments?

My husband is the same way. It's hurtful to me that all the things that I try to do for him, there's no thanks. To me a simple "thank you" is a compliment, and I rarely hear any words of recognition of the things I do. I don't expect it, so I feel I'm being unreasonable, I just tell myself that he is appreciative of me, he doesn't have to come out and SAY it, but it still bothers me. As far as complimenting, he's not much for compliments. He used to compliment me when we were dating but not at all anymore. I know he loves me, he just doesn't really say much to express his thoughts either positive or negative.
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Old 07-23-2012, 11:29 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Compliments?

PA tendencies means he's angry and punishing you for some reason or that he resents you. At least that's what I've read. So why he is mad?
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Old 07-23-2012, 11:29 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Compliments?

I was going to advise you to tell how you feel but it seems you already have.

I she passive agressive in other areas of your relationship? Does he never acknowledge anything you do?

Sit down and tell him you are serious about feeling hurt he doesn't compliment you.

My exH was this way. It was maddening. And if he complimented me, it'd be dripping in sarcasm at the same time. Like someone else said, it's an intimacy issue. I am sorry.
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Old 07-23-2012, 11:31 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by *LittleDeer* View Post
If you cannot compliment your spouse then you have real intimacy issues.


I once read that for every negative comment, there should be 5-10 positive comments to balance it out & make a healthy relationship. I think it's true.
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Old 07-23-2012, 02:35 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Most of the time he chooses to sleep in another room. When we have company, he is kind of forced back into "our" room. Unfortunately I have been sick and so I told him I would sleep on the couch so I didn't wake him. He said that was ok. So much for chivalry. . . .
Another room? You're both okay with that? Seems like the P/A behavior could be related.
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Old 07-24-2012, 11:09 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Jellybeans View Post


I once read that for every negative comment, there should be 5-10 positive comments to balance it out & make a healthy relationship. I think it's true.
Good share Jellybean!!!!
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