btt

my wife and I have been married for 16yrs. and can count on one hand the real fights we've had. I mean fights where only words were exchanged...nothing physical. I've never touched her to harm her and never will.
She was raised in a very abusive home and at times seems to chose harsh forms of discipline for our two daughters (14 and 9).
Whereas, I was raised in a very laid-back and at times overly loving home. She has even admitted to resenting my childhood.
Very simply, when it comes to our children and punishment/discipline, I always opt for punishment. Like my wife, I received spankings and whippings; but nothing like the abuse my wife described receiving. Even small offenses now seem to equate to a pop of my younger daughter from my wife.
About three weeks ago, my 9yr old got a bad grade on a project that she and my wife worked on....my wife refused to listen to my daughter's explanations....instantly labeling it all as excuses. When I went to join in the discussion, my wife told me to "SHUT UP" and that I didn't know enough about the situation to have a comment. When I pressed she cut me off and left the room with the comment, "...and she's going to get a whipping for this!" Which instantly seemed like more a response to my intervention and attempt at offering alternative views on the matter than just, fair and compassionate parental action.
I jumped up before thinking about it and stood between her and the door,pressing the door closed. I kicked a small stepping stool out of the way to do this which shot across the smooth floor and stuck the nearby wall. Even I was shocked by the move..but stood my ground and pleaded with her to listen to what I had to say. I asked her what would she tell my daughter was the reason for this whipping and she replied,"I don't know....will you move?" I responed sternly, "Then this whipping is not going to happen." She asked me again to move and said I never agree with her ways of dealing with them and that it was going to ruin them. I moved and she hasn't spoken a kind word to me since....no lovemaking....no "how are you and how was your day"....nothing.
After a week, I apologized....saying my actions were wrong and that I was sorry and wanted us to get back to normal. She smiled and said OK. Four days later, I made a romantic/sexual
innuendo and was told," I'm not at the point yet?" Nothing has changed since the incident or the apology and it will be a month on Tuesday.
Now I'm angry that she's taking this long to come and talk or adjust her behavior...am I wrong to be expecting this to be getting better? How long should I wait?

yazito

I myself come from an abusive family. I can understand what she is feeling. I my case when something was not done at the moment I say it I get a rush of anger and sometimes thats what I react to. You were right to stand up to her and you have to understand that the fact that she was not talking to you and that she sexually punishing you is just the tip of the iceberg. What is going to happen when something wost happens with your kids? you have to take her to teraphy so she can learn to control herself. Talk to her when she is at her best and get her to realize this is for her and all her family as well.

Country Girl

This is just wrong! Here I am in the South and we still believe in spankings. However, you wife's mindset is bordering on abuse. Discipline and abuse are two different things. Can she even tell the difference? Your wife really needs to go to counseling. But, she probably won't go--she doesn't see a problem. I recommend you go to individual counseling to learn how to best manage your situation.

You really had nothing to apologize for. You were protecting your child from abuse. That's what a responsible and caring parent is expected to do. Is your 14 year old well adjusted? I imagine at this point he/she has learned to "hide" everything from your wife in order to avoid the "discipline". Not a good thing....

pickles2009

your completely focused on the wrong issue. You need to get your wife AND your girls into counseling. it's not acceptable, it's abuse. you protected your kids, bravo!

GAsoccerman

get her help, she needs counseling.

I have three small children, serious offenses due get a spanking.

Most "crimes" get something else such as No computer, no Nitendo DS, no playing with friends or they have to do extra chores, etc.

My son who is 9 thought I was going to spank him the other day and I told him, he is to old to be spanked now, that he lost the use of the computer and his other electronic devices for a month, he asked if he could be spanked instead, I said nope.

Your wife has issues and is losing control, get her counseling, hitting is the only thing she knows on how to resolve something. there are better ways

revitalizedhusband

My oldest is 7 almost 8 and he's getting to the point where spankings are not the right thing.

He'd choose a spanking over getting grounded from TV, his Nintendo DS, or his skateboard.

It literally broke my heart one night when he did something pretty serious (don't remember what) and I gave him a choice, no skateboard for a week (his favorite thing to do outside) or a spanking. He choose the spanking, and I literally cried afterwards because I didn't want to spank him (I hate it but realize in certain circumstances its needed/warranted).

preso

Are you sure of the details of why your wife wanted to be so severe with daughter as there seems to be a peice of this story missing. Perhaps the daughter defied her ?
Let me tell you if you have a daughter, daughters are often much harder than sons as I have a stepdaughter who was not spanked much and she has grown into a very immature, demanding young adult who is abusive, most likely because her disipline was not very severe when she was young.
I think if you have differences with disipline of the kids you should seek help for that, not to improve her ( wifes) affections for you because if the real problem is worked out ( disipline of the kids) the rest will follow, in a natural way.