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post #16 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 11:55 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by costa200 View Post
Doesn't he have hobbies to occupy some of his time? Man stuff, sports, watch races, something in the open air...
He golfs once in awhile, otherwise no.
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post #17 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 11:55 AM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

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Ughh...I hate that.

My ex, that was a confidence thing.
Yeah I've discovered suffocation = low self esteem
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post #18 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 12:05 PM Thread Starter
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Do you have a room of your own in the house, where you can lock the door and keep everyone out when you need an hour to yourself?

Can you send him out of the house WITH the children sometimes? Maybe he can take them to the park or something so you can squeeze in some time alone? Even taking them out to the back yard for an hour and playing with them could work.

I wouldn't be able to stand being smothered like that. I'd probably have a very candid conversation telling him honestly that I cannot function when I feel smothered. Tell him you're reaching nervous breakdown levels and need him to take you seriously.
Thank you! Yes, it is at the nervous breakdown point! Plus the guilt from sounding ungrateful for having a great husband. It's a DAILY struggle! I hate the constant and unpredictable interruptions! I want to lock HIM in his office and say, "Stay there until 5 oclock (like most normal marriages) when I NEED you!" Then I'll take my hour to myself. But to have him wandering around the house all day, every day trying to get my attention just drives me crazy! He's more emotionally needy and draining than the kids! Thank you for understanding and for your advice.
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post #19 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 12:41 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

Omg. I am just baffled why a spouse would want to bother their husband/wife like that!

I LOVE being with my husband. LOVE his days off. LOVE when he home. But I can read him, and he can read me and we know when to chill or let the other chill.

I'm surprised you haven't gone off on your husband. I'd probably get mean (I get mean when I feel like people aren't listening to my needs) and say something like, 'WHY ARE YOU UP MY ASS ALL DAY!?'
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post #20 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 01:03 PM Thread Starter
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Uh yea. This!

How is your house set up - it sounds like there needs to be a little more division with a little "his" and "hers" space. You've heard of a man cave, can you make yourself a woman cave somewhere?

Truthfully if this was my life, I would absolutely no problem shutting the bedroom door and hanging out in bed for an hour with the laptop and the TV just chilling by myself. I'd just tell everyone - see you in an hour, this is mommy time!

Also, I know your kids are a little older but DH and I have a big division of chores and caretaking duties that helps us to get some space. DH always handles the bathtime and bedtime routine with our two kids...which takes about an hour total. During that time I am left alone because he is occupying them. I always handle the chaotic come-home and cook dinner routine while watching them, so DH has about an hour to unwind as soon as he gets home from work. He generally prefers to spend his alone time tinkering around in the yard or in the basement so he is not anywhere near us.

I don't think you can ask someone like your husband for space, you've just gotta set it up so you can tell him that you are taking it.
Yeah, I can take Mommy time. He even offers that when he can. It's the hanging around the house ALL day long that drives me crazy! He's in his office sometimes then comes downstairs and wanders around, looks for me, asks the kids where I am, finds me and just kind of stays there. That's when I walk out like I've got laundry or dishes or whatever makes me look busy just to be away from him. Nevermind what I was doing that he intruded upon yet again. It's like he's bored and so comes to me. That is my pet peeve! I'm not interested in curing others boredom!
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post #21 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 01:08 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

It's sort of funny but I feel bad for you too. I used to be like that with my wife at the beginning when we were on better footing. I just loved her so damn much and being with her, even just shooting the sht and talking was fun. But now that Im a little older I realize that was crazy. A woman needs time to just breathe. Especially in her own home.
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post #22 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 01:20 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

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Originally Posted by ohmaggiemae View Post
Yeah, I can take Mommy time. He even offers that when he can. It's the hanging around the house ALL day long that drives me crazy! He's in his office sometimes then comes downstairs and wanders around, looks for me, asks the kids where I am, finds me and just kind of stays there. That's when I walk out like I've got laundry or dishes or whatever makes me look busy just to be away from him. Nevermind what I was doing that he intruded upon yet again. It's like he's bored and so comes to me. That is my pet peeve! I'm not interested in curing others boredom!
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Yes, that's exactly his problem. He gets bored working alone all the time and has no one else to talk with when he needs a break. If he were in an office, if he needed a break, he'd
go get some coffee, run into someone and have a chat and then go back to work. Or he'd grab some lunch with a few people from the office.

You are filling in for the missing coworkers and the social interaction.

Could you maybe work out a scheduled break session for him, so that you can at least confine his roaming to specific times you can plan for? Like, maybe schedule a 30 minute lunch with him each day, and during that time, focus on him. Maybe even throw in a 15 minute coffee break with him mid-morning or afternoon. But then tell him you expect him to leave you alone the rest of the time so that you can focus on YOUR work.
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post #23 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 01:21 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

I think i'm the odd one out here lol

I was married to a man who never spent any time with me.It was like living alone but married.
I'm VERY independent,have my own hobbies,have my own interests and so forth. However,my SO wants to do everything with me and I love that about him.

It isn't always a confidence or self esteem issue.I simply love spending as much time with him as possible.He embraced my hobbies and interests,I embraced his and now we do them together.

For the situation of OP though I think I'd get annoyed not about the fact that he wants to be around her but by the fact that it seems it isn't about her,it's about his boredom.

oh and the nap thing for the other poster,i think it's wrong to guilt another person into spending time w/you.It's rude and immature,it sucks your wife manipulates you like that.
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post #24 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 01:27 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

Have a chore ready for your husband when he hovers.
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post #25 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 01:29 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

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Have a chore ready for your husband when he hovers.
Nice.

Or why not ask him: You don't think I'm being to clingy do you? Huh? Do you? Huh? Reverse that thing.

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post #26 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 01:30 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

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Nice.

Or why not ask him: You don't think I'm being to clingy do you? Huh? Do you? Huh? Reverse that thing.
sounds passive aggressive to me. why not outright communicate the issues and leave sarcasm out of it?
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post #27 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 01:31 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

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Originally Posted by ScarletBegonias View Post
sounds passive aggressive to me. why not outright communicate the issues and leave sarcasm out of it?
Or that. Wait, you can do that?
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post #28 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 01:36 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

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Or that. Wait, you can do that?
lol

sadly with most people you can't.
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post #29 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 01:42 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

How much time do you spend away from home and away from our child?

Plan outings with your child a few days a week.

Join a home school association. They have things that you and your child can do with other people, like field trips, classes give by other parents, etc.

Find a mother's day out program. This will give your child a chance to socialize with other children and you some time by your self. Many churches have programs like this. Then either plan something you want to do by yourself or with friends. Or go to a friend or relative's home and just spend some alone time.

You can significantly decrease the amount of time that you are available for him to bug you by you being out of the house.

Since your husband works at home he need to network with others in his field and with customers. So find events that allow for this and make him go... just tell him that he needs to network and be honest that you need some house time alone.
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post #30 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 01:45 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

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Since your husband works at home he need to network with others in his field and with customers. So find events that allow for this and make him go... just tell him that he needs to network and be honest that you need some house time alone.
This is an excellent idea. I work from home most of the time, but when I do go into the office or go to events, or for business travel, it has a refreshing effect and certainly helps strengthen business relationships.

He should be making some of his meetings in person instead of just on the phone or web conference.

I don't know if the OP is the one who should be looking for these networking events, though. But she can encourage him to find some.
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