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post #31 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 01:47 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

I don't know if this will be able to help you at all, but I know that in a lot of larger cities (especially in the west) there are places to combat this very kind of situation. Since so many people are working off their laptops now, they can rent space in a cubicle farm to get away from the house, network with a wide variety of others, and provide an address and receptionist that can add an air of legitimacy to traditionalists.


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post #32 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 01:58 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

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Originally Posted by norajane View Post
This is an excellent idea. I work from home most of the time, but when I do go into the office or go to events, or for business travel, it has a refreshing effect and certainly helps strengthen business relationships.

He should be making some of his meetings in person instead of just on the phone or web conference.

I don't know if the OP is the one who should be looking for these networking events, though. But she can encourage him to find some.
I suggested that she look some up as a starting point. Once he starts to go he might just like them and start looking for them himself.
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post #33 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 02:00 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

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I don't know if this will be able to help you at all, but I know that in a lot of larger cities (especially in the west) there are places to combat this very kind of situation. Since so many people are working off their laptops now, they can rent space in a cubicle farm to get away from the house, network with a wide variety of others, and provide an address and receptionist that can add an air of legitimacy to traditionalists.
I rented in a place like that for a few years. Instead of cubicals they rented out offices. There was a receptionist, a mail room, a break room. There were also conference rooms that a person could use x number of hours a week/month. It was very reasonably priced.
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post #34 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 02:47 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

You both are spending ALOT of time together. Everyone knows that each other needs a little space and quiet time for themselves.
If you escape him you have the kids.
There is no room for you to breathe right now.
I think you need to take sometime and go out for a while by yourself, to a movie go eat somewhere read a book magazine. Anything that is solitude for you.
I dont see any problems with your marriage which is great!!!
Just lots and lots of time together.
I would like to say even that it bothers you, you are very fortunate to havea man that loves to be by yourside
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post #35 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 04:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

So many good ideas and advice! Thank you everyone!
Now I've got to find out how to communicate
this stuff to him. He gets so wounded and then angry.
Ugh! I'd love it if got a cubicle thing! Do they cost much?
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post #36 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 04:41 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

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So many good ideas and advice! Thank you everyone!
Now I've got to find out how to communicate
this stuff to him. He gets so wounded and then angry.
Ugh! I'd love it if got a cubicle thing! Do they cost much?
The cost depends on where you live. Do a google search on "rent office cubical space" and your city. See what comes up.
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post #37 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 05:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

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It's sort of funny but I feel bad for you too. I used to be like that with my wife at the beginning when we were on better footing. I just loved her so damn much and being with her, even just shooting the sht and talking was fun. But now that Im a little older I realize that was crazy. A woman needs time to just breathe. Especially in her own home.
So since you've been there and on the other side of it - if I was your wife, how could I communicate these feelings to you effectively without hurting you? I just want my husband to leave me alone during the day when I'm busy around the house, with the kids, etc. without this attitude that he's had in the past like, "Oh that's right, I can't talk to you right now." Pouting, guilt trip.
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post #38 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 05:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

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Yes, that's exactly his problem. He gets bored working alone all the time and has no one else to talk with when he needs a break. If he were in an office, if he needed a break, he'd
go get some coffee, run into someone and have a chat and then go back to work. Or he'd grab some lunch with a few people from the office.

You are filling in for the missing coworkers and the social interaction.

Could you maybe work out a scheduled break session for him, so that you can at least confine his roaming to specific times you can plan for? Like, maybe schedule a 30 minute lunch with him each day, and during that time, focus on him. Maybe even throw in a 15 minute coffee break with him mid-morning or afternoon. But then tell him you expect him to leave you alone the rest of the time so that you can focus on YOUR work.
You soooo get me! It IS the boredom thing! Plus, I think he's just kind of needy. I make the majority of the decisions and plans for our family. He is not exactly the leader in this family, which is another reason he just follows me around a lot of time. I resent that. I wish he was more independent. I would love to work out a schedule with him, breaks, lunch time, etc. I would love to just simply be able to talk to him about this stuff, but like I said, we did talk about it in counseling and then I got this attitude like, "Oh that's right, I can't talk to you right now. I'm supposed to leave you alone." I'll admit, too, that I'm feeling so resentful that I don't think I'm capable of communicating kindly right now. I'm thinking that going away for a day or two is a good idea. Even that is going to be hard to tell him. Guilt, guilt, guilt.
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post #39 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 06:53 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

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Is he fit? Staying around the house all that time and all? Tell him he is getting chubby and he needs to do some exercise. Buy him a bike and tell him to cycle up and down the state with it.
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post #40 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 09:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

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Is he fit? Staying around the house all that time and all? Tell him he is getting chubby and he needs to do some exercise. Buy him a bike and tell him to cycle up and down the state with it.
"Up and down the state..." OMG, that is funny! Thanks for the much needed laugh!

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post #41 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 09:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

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I don't think there is an easier way other than the honest truth..but talk to him from a loving place and not a resentful place.

Respect and love while you express your feelings to T him..I find that always works .

Worse comes to worst, write him a letter!
Funny you should say that as I am reading the book, "Love and Respect" by
Emerson Eggerich. Unconditional respect just like unconditional love. I like the letter idea, too. Thank you for the tips.
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post #42 of 45 (permalink) Old 07-28-2012, 07:03 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

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"Up and down the state..." OMG, that is funny! Thanks for the much needed laugh!
He is a couch potato then? No time consuming sports? No fishing/hunting/camping with buddies?
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post #43 of 45 (permalink) Old 01-22-2015, 04:14 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

I have the same situation...my husband was a truck driver and the a commercial pilot. He was gone anywhere from 4 days to two weeks at a time. Things worked great. Two years ago he got a great salaried job as a corporate pilot. He is almost semi-retired. Most weeks he is gone only a couple of days, but lately he's been home all week. He is very controlling. Wants me doing whatever he is doing or at least in the same room with him. A few years ago I would have just gone out to the barn and ridden my horses. The past couple of years my health has declined. I am fatigued, feel bad, and just want to be left alone. Sometimes I feel like he is sucking the life out of me. I love him and always considered him my best friend, but He is going to be the death of me!

Last edited by 2horse; 01-28-2015 at 01:35 PM.
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post #44 of 45 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 02:12 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

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Yeah, you are probably right.
I hope things have improved!
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post #45 of 45 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 02:17 PM
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Re: I feel suffocated by my husband.

Everyone who said they were in this situation, I hope you will update us! What did you do? How are things now? Thanks!
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