I am a workaholic. I have been "sober" (home before dinner) for three years now. But the damage to the family has been done.
My wife goes out with her Mom every Saturday night and stays out until 3-4 am. Her mom has been depressed, they say, and needs the time with her daughter. So my wife goes with her to a dance bar; most times with no wedding ring. She wears min. 6" pumps, and fancy clothes, plenty of perfume. Her mom says she keeps all the guys away. I think she is feeding off the attention anyhow, at best.
She is often at her friend's house 2-3 nights a week.
I work full time but if the kitchen isn't spotless when she comes home from her outings she is furious.
Once, twice, five times; I said nothing, but it's been 3 months and it's at LEAST once a week.
Last Sat. night she stayed home.
Sunday we fought and when I told her what we used to call those kind of heels, she lost it. She hasn't spoke to me since. It is Friday. She was out until 1am Sun, Mon., Tuesday, NOT with her Mom. No comment on where she was. No conversation at all.
In the last three months we went out on one date--for 1.5 hours. With me she's tired.
She also keeps her phone locked (since I checked it three years ago and found secret messages-she went nuts but she was spending a lot of time txting and none talking to me) and gets a lot of texts late at night. Am I a fool for thinking she is just angry?
Ladies, if there is hope, please show me how to get back in. We have kids; I don't want to put them through hell, but I'm there now.
I work full time but if the kitchen isn't spotless when she comes home from her outings she is furious.
Now this scene is from the 50's, only you're the man... So man up dude. She goes out and you're left to clean the kitchen? The hell with that.
Quote:
Sunday we fought and when I told her what we used to call those kind of heels, she lost it. She hasn't spoke to me since. It is Friday. She was out until 1am Sun, Mon., Tuesday, NOT with her Mom. No comment on where she was. No conversation at all.
In the last three months we went out on one date--for 1.5 hours. With me she's tired.
Is your past alcohol problems making you put up with this? After 3 years of being clean? Come on man.
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Sorry you and the children are going through this. Does your wife work outside the home? How old are the children?
Clearly, what your wife is doing is unacceptable. Before you have a talk with her and set your boundaries, you need to do some detective work. There are plenty of threads giving advice for gathering evidence over in the "Coping With Infidelity" section. I seriously doubt she is out dancing with her depressed mother all those times. My husband used to claim his mother, father, and brother as alibis all the time. BUSTED!
I work full time but if the kitchen isn't spotless when she comes home from her outings she is furious.
Is she a SAHM?
Does she expect you to clean up a week’s worth of dishes and kitchen mess? If she’s a SAHM, then she’s being unreasonable.
Or is she expecting you to clean up after yourself on the nights she goes out? If this is the case then her expectations are reasonable. She’s not your maid.
My guess is you won't be willing to be as tough as you need to be to put an end to this. Just based on how you sound in your post. So, welcome to chumpville.
Prof, don't want to hurt your feelings but if you're sending your wife out with *** me pumps and minimal clothing, what exactly are you thinking is going to happen?
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Wife Gone Wild 
