I love how you said, "he is not the person I thought he was." Seems obvious now, doesn't it? But SO many of us make the mistake of believing what we want to believe, rather than the reality before our eyes! Don't feel bad about it, just learn from it. Look at how the men you meet treat others, what they do in situations that require judgment calls or ethical decisions (does he return money if a store clerk gives him too much change?). At least you will know what is what and will get a chance to see the imperfections and help you stay grounded. You can love someone who is not perfect, but you cannot perfect someone you love.
Location: Wherever the military takes us, United States
Posts: 35
Re: Why can't I hate him??
Girl, seriously. Dont let yourself get screwed over. If he makes more than you youre not giving him spousal support. Im not saying be rude or a gold digger by any means, just split it evenly you deserve it.
You cant hate him because youre a good person and it sucks that he is a douche. When youre a good and caring person you just want to accept all the damage someone does to you to the point where you even blame yourself for things or think its your fault or you can still fix it or change him or any excuse you make up. I know this because Im the same way and its wrong. Try to step back and see the situation from an outside view. Or sit down and talk to someone. I know a lot of times I accept thing or convince myself to think a certain way but then I talk to someone for two second and I dont even try to bash him but I find myself trying to make excuses for him or something and he sounds so wrong and that says something
Hate is a strong emotion, there is a thin line between hate and love between a man and a woman.
You need to head for ambivalence.
Feel nothing for him. Give no ammunition.
Anger is also an emotion derived from other feelings. You can't be angry at someone who you have no feelings for.
Do some birds eye examination of him. See him for who he really is, leave your feelings for him down below.
See the bully he is, see the masochist he has become. He is no longer the person you married.
Remember marriage is the cause of divorce and every marriage will eventually lead to divorce.
I say this only because it takes two to tango, it takes two to make a life, it takes two to keep it going, most people can't make it forever so they drop off, drop out.
It's no one's fault, it's everybody's fault
You will find love, you find the forever person, you just have to get rid of your dead weight right now.
Thank you all for your responses I am trying to take this as a learning experience and I know now that I'm not going to settle next time, I want someone that's honest, doesn't play video games for hours everyday, would rather be intimate with me then watch porn, isn't a douch bag... I could go on, but thanks for the words of encouragement that I will find love again... it means a lot. I love this site because it helps me see what other people are going through and how they handle things and I'm not alone. Ok... I have a question... it's been a year and a half since i've had ummm sex, so do you think it'd be ok to just have that without a relationship (just to get it out of my system), I've never been that way, but do you think it would help to have a rebound or should I just wait till I meet someone nice and date them for a little bit...
I agree...I don't want to change my values, I suppose I just need to go get a new battery operated "friend"...I like water...not a big fan of deserts... wish I lived on a boat hee hee
I agree...I don't want to change my values, I suppose I just need to go get a new battery operated "friend"...I like water...not a big fan of deserts... wish I lived on a boat hee hee
you'll be glad you made that choice, no doubt.
as i said, i've been where you are and am back there again, but this time i know who i am.
luquillo beach in puerto rico is my favorite beach, but i also like the desert. i knew some people in las vegas a few years ago and they flew me out there a couple of times a year for business/friendship. it was a wonderful experience.
OK, I need you to listen to this. When I was getting divorced, I tried to be nice to make it as easy as possible for him. He pretty much did the same thing to me as your ex is doing to you, but add kids to the mix and a flase report to CPS (they declared it unfounded by the way). I was soooooo mad!!!!! Look what I get for being nice.
The deal is though: you can't let it get to you. Judges will appreciate you if you are mature and overlook all the other person's crap. Infuriating and unfair as it is, lol. You need to be reasonable, and mature which in the long run will make him loose all credibility with the judge. Ask for what is fair. Explain that if he wants the house, that you do not want your name on the loan because of credit issues. Nobody gets everything they want in a divorce.
My best advice to you, do not play his game, or stoop to his level. It could easily backfire. Be true to yourself. Be pissed, vent, etc......divorce judges have seen and heard everything, they can spot an idiot a mile away. Explain your side and your reasoning and let your ex make an ass out of himself. It will work out.
Recent cloud- I was using your metaphor regarding the desert... I actaully don't have anything against them Vegas sounds like fun... I'm going to need a vacation.
Scarlet- thanks for your advice... I know you are right. I would like to get through this with my dignity intact and he's doing a fine job of being an idiot so hopefully the judge will see that too, I mean I gave him a lot and I'm asking for very little and he still put in there that he's "supported" by me... he's just feeling sorry for himself i suppose. Court in June 25th, I will update everyone on what happens.
dcrim- I'm going to make a run to costco and buy them in bulk
Blonddeee be fearless, you already gave up the one thing holding you back (this jerk). Maintain dignity and be ruthless, there is no love in front of you only a business transaction which is the last step before you are truly free to having anything/everything you want.
Recent cloud- I was using your metaphor regarding the desert... I actaully don't have anything against them Vegas sounds like fun... I'm going to need a vacation.
then allow me to change my response: vegas was fun, but the desert sux. now, living on a boat....very nice.
when your ordeal is over you'll be glad you started from a position of kindness.
but mymy your husband must be a piece of work because he propelled you from 'why can't i hate him' to 'does anybody know how to hire a hit man' in record time.
Re: Why can't I hate him??
Re: Why can't I hate him??
Vegas sounds like fun... I'm going to need a vacation. 
