Why can't I hate him??

Blonddeee · 04-29-2009, 10:31 PM

I put up with his drinking, lies, and porn addictions for 6 years, we were married for 3 years and I finally got to the point that I knew I needed to move on and find someone that is ready to take on adult responsibilities. I finally filed after him not coming home one weekend with him out drinking, i got a text that he wouldn't be home and that was it. We don't have kids- thank goodness, I can't imagine how much worse this would be if we did. It's been a couple months and our court date is the end of June. We have been civil in person, when I filed I told him all i wanted was half the debt... which he has...tv...stuff in the house. I thought i was being fair and nice- well last week he went and filed a counter petition against me and he's asking for spousal maintenance- temp and permanent... he makes twice as much as i do so i know it's not going to happen, but I gave him everything, he also wants me to pay his legal bills, and give him all the keys to the house even though he wants to leave the loan in my name instead of refinancing the house.He has most of the stuff in it. I'm starting to get really angry becuase I put up with all his lies over the last 6 years and I'm still trying to be nice... I need to stop being nice- he's trying to screw me- having me take all the debt and support him... I just don't get it... I want to hate him, but I can still remember good things about him and feel bad about hating him... this sucks... i can't wait till this is over. I know from the way he's acting that I made the best decision ever by leaving... he's not the man i thought he was.

martino · 04-29-2009, 11:30 PM

With no kids involved, you will both be complete strangers in a few months. He will move on to someone else and you will. Toughen up and get what is your's. You will regret it if you don't.

Sensitive · 04-30-2009, 12:20 AM

Go ahead, and hate him. It sounds like he is taking advantage of you. Don't back down.

revitalizedhusband · 04-30-2009, 07:38 AM

Like martino said, in a few months you 2 will be strangers.

Have your lawyer play hardball and get as much as you can. File for spousal support yourself and go after everything you want, not just "half".

martino · 04-30-2009, 04:41 PM

Yes Blondee, take out the emotions and get what's your's. Like a business transaction.

Blonddeee · 04-30-2009, 09:36 PM

Thank you- He's not going to walk all over me anymore... I'm going to be mean!!! Grrrr. I cried the week I filed and I haven't since... so i'm getting stronger. Thanks for the support!

preso · 05-01-2009, 07:17 PM

I think maybe why you have not come to hate him yet is just a matter of time. Sooner or later there is that straw that breaks the camels back and that camel may have a very strong back, but sooner or later, it will break.

Maybe your just very strong... which could be a bad thing as
the straws will get more like tree logs over time.

martino · 05-01-2009, 07:27 PM

Because of no kids, all Blondee needs to worry about is an agressive lawyer for her half.

1nurse · 05-02-2009, 07:25 PM

Hey there,

I know how you feel. My soon to be ex and I share no children either. When we first split up last October/08, I was very sad, depressed and upset. I still do feel that way sometimes but now it's like good riddance loser! With no children involved it's easier to make a clean break. I also don't know how people who share kids after a split are civil. Life will get better. There's always tomorrow. At least we have our health and our morals. Not everyone does. Be good to yourself and you stand by your convictions. Get what is coming to you!!

Blonddeee · 05-05-2009, 02:05 PM

I'm just going to let the courts decide what is fair... he should have just taken my first offer because I was giving him a nice deal, but oh well...
This is an ad he posted for a roommate on craigslist- It made me laugh and very glad I don't live there anymore...

I am a young professional that is seeking like minded individuals (male or female) to rent out one or two rooms in my large house. I have plenty of storage room for extra furniture and a two car garage that will be first come first serve. The monthly rent will be $600 which includes all utilities, internet, and cable. I dont allow pets so dont bother asking. You will be responsible for cleaning up after yourself and your guests, I am not your maid. Interested applicants can send me an e-mail for more information; however, if you cannot meet at a neutral location near Olathe or Overland Park area to discuss the lease terms and to put my mind at ease that you are a real person and not a scam artist, then dont bother even replying because that will be the first question I ask. I am a pretty easy going guy that has a steady job, Im just looking for a way to reduce my expenses.

preso · 05-05-2009, 02:25 PM

so I take it he's going to rent out rooms based on his gut feelings and not pay to do credit and background checks?
haha
he should watch that old movie: single white female.

lol

Blonddeee · 05-05-2009, 02:33 PM

I was also thinking that maybe someone that is interested in renting would... I don't know... maybe want to see the house... before they go over a "lease". Trust me... I'd never call him a maid... he needs one though

1nurse · 05-05-2009, 08:27 PM

I think the ad says it all.

Freckles · 05-14-2009, 07:42 PM

I know it's hard to let go of something that meant so much for so long. You wouldn't have put up with him for so long if you didn't love him that much. So it's only natural for you to have a soft spot for him in your heart now. Your use to him not being considerate - so the fact that he's doing it now isn't much different from how you lived your life with him.

But if you are going to make a stand and divorce him - you need to hold onto that mentality and continue forth as strong as you can be.

Don't give in to him now. It won't make things better. You will have regrets and you can't go back once things are in writing!

Get yourself a good Lawyer it will be sooo worth it and that lawyer will not let you get railroaded!

Blonddeee · 05-27-2009, 12:32 PM

*UPDATE* I hate him... I can't stand him and if he thinks I'm going to be nice now he's got another thing coming. He filed and seperation of property thing and he thinks I'm going to let him take me off the title on the house and stay on the mortgage...I've been gone for 2 months and he's already had the gas turned off because he didn't pay the bill... so staying on the mortgage isn't really going to work for me and after the other thing he filed against me I'm going to ask for 1/2 of everything ie. the big new flat screen tv... it's only fair and I don't feel like being nice anymore. I feel kinda impowered hating him, I'm not going to waste much time with this hate because he isn't worth my energy, but it sure is helping me get through this.