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Mandatory paternity tests

45K views 622 replies 50 participants last post by  Hopefull363 
#1 ·
I need opinions from you ladies. I stumbled across this idea when looking for some stats on bone marrow transplants where paternity must be established. The writer is a woman.

Should paternity tests be mandatory at birth?


By Jenna Myers Karvunidis, February 24, 2012 at 9:46 am

Every newborn in the United States is pricked on the heel at birth to test for Phenylketonuria. Do you even know what Phenylketonuria is? Probably not because, although it's a serious condition causing albinism and mental retardation, it only affects 1 in 15,000 American babies. Now guess how many people cheat on their spouse. One in five. Wouldn't it make sense to do a mandatory paternity test at birth if you're already poking and prodding for everything else?

Dear Abby answered a letter from a pregnant reader whose husband had had a vasectomy. The husband didn't believe the miracle baby was his and the couple parted ways. Situations like this could easily be solved if hospitals made paternity testing as routine as screening for obscure diseases. One may argue such a test doesn't medically affect the patient, but I think it should be a security measure just like ankle bracelets and identification codes.

Think how many problems this would solve! If a couple breaks up after the child is born, the father can't run from his responsibility. If the mother strayed, she can't put the wrong man on the hook. If the child ever needs bone marrow from the father, it could save a lot of time and pain down the road if the issue is cleared early.

I suppose problems that might arise would be disharmony in otherwise happy families. There's always home birth! I'd hate to think that dishonest mothers would be forced into home births just to avoid paternity tests, but considering the impact of paternity fraud I'm inclined to roll the dice. If a man learns a child is not his after paying child support, he does not gets refund. Besides, doesn't a child have the right to know who his or her father is?

I know my kids are mine. They came out of my body and I immediately memorized their faces as they were slapped with ID bracelets. But if we lived in another universe where, say, babies hatched out of pods, I can't say that I would decline a maternity test if it were offered. Maybe the whole thing can be phrased as mandatory "parent" testing to cover women who show up at hospitals with stolen babies.

I'm sure hospitals wouldn't mind turning an extra bucks anyway. See? Everybody wins.
What do you ladies think about this? Do you think it is a good idea? Would you oppose this, would you reject the test if it was offered to you and your husband/BF? If so, please explain why. I'm trying to understand why this apparently has never come into effect in no country in the world.
 
#2 ·
I think the idea is that if the man doesn't really want to know then it keeps the choice in his court. Relationships are more complicated than a disease you test for.

On the other hand, it wouldn't bother me one bit if it became the norm and men were rooting for it. I think a man has the right to know if he fathered the child and with modern science, doing it as a normal test, would take the stigma away from a man who might want to know but doesn't want to make his wife feel like he doesn't trust her.
 
#4 ·
I think one of the cruelest things a woman can do is convince her h to care for kids who aren't his and then divorce and refuse to let him see them. It just is so abusive and so wrong to him and the kids. And then women who don't tell a man she had his child until the kid is like five and then expect back child support. Same thing.
I highly doubt that this would ever fly, the Right would never allow it.
I think laws should change so that if a man takes care of a child and then finds out it isn't his he should still get visitation. And if a woman doesn't tell a man until later she doesn't get child support. And if a man pays child support for a child who isn't his, she has to pay him back.
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#100 ·
I think one of the cruelest things a woman can do is convince her h to care for kids who aren't his and then divorce and refuse to let him see them. It just is so abusive and so wrong to him and the kids.
In the USA the husband is presumed to be the father of a child born to his wife. It would take a lot of money and extremely good lawyers for a woman to do what you suggest her. The courts are not likely to switch fathers in the middle of a child’s life. It’s not in the best interest of the child to do this.

It’s even difficult for the husband to get his own name off of the birth certificate of a child who he later finds out is not his child.
And then women who don't tell a man she had his child until the kid is like five and then expect back child support. Same thing.
I have not heard of any cases of a man being ordered by a court to pay back child support for a child that he did not know was his child. Are you aware of any such cases? Do you have links to them if so?

Usually back payments can only be collected if there was a court order for the child support to be paid. And court orders are usually not for future payments, not back payments in cases like this.
I highly doubt that this would ever fly, the Right would never allow it.
The right would never allow for paternity testing of every child? Why do you think republicans would not allow it any more than democrats would not allow it?
I think laws should change so that if a man takes care of a child and then finds out it isn't his he should still get visitation.
This is the way the law works right now if the man is on the child’s birth certificate or the form taking responsibility for the child has been signed by the man.
And if a woman doesn't tell a man until later she doesn't get child support. And if a man pays child support for a child who isn't his, she has to pay him back.
It’s about the child, not the adults. Say a man goes 10 years raising a child then finds out that the child is not his, what kind of man would walk out on this child? It’s his child. I can see him having the legal right to sue the mother and the sperm donor for putting him in this position financially…. But to encourage him to walk out on a child… that poor child. And what if the bio dad had no idea that he had a child all these years?

In a case where everyone is suing everyone about who did or did not pay child support, etc., the child will find out. Can you imagine the devastation to the child when they find out that all the adults are trying to disown him/her and push him/her off on everyone else. What a rotten deal for a child.
None of my children are my biological children. It makes no difference. They are my children. I would never do this to a child who thought of me as their parent.

This is one reason that testing at birth is a good idea. If it’s important to a man he should do DNA tests when the baby is born. After 6 months to a year, if he has not challenged the paternity of a child born to his wife, it’s his child legally and he’s accepted responsibility. Once he’s accepted responsibility it’s for life because the baby is a human, not a commodity that people own.
 
#6 ·
Both of my children came out looking EXACTLY like their fathers. ;)

That was paternity test by nature. They still look EXACTLY like their dad. Hard to deny.

But this is an insult to many faithful women. I know i would be upset if my husband wanted a test at birth. I'm not a slvt, I don't cheat.

The guy should have the option though, if he suspects it.
 
#10 ·
I don't think our kids look like either of us. There are traits like hair and eye color but that's about it. I just don't see the resemblence. I'm watching a kid today who is the exact replica of her mom. My neighbors daughter looks just like her dad. My niece also looks like her dad.

I almost feel cheated. LOL
 
#11 · (Edited)
I've come across too many cases where a man has reared a child as his own, only to learn much later down the road that it isn't, to put up any objection to such mandatory testing.

I know a woman who, naturally, gained the sympathy and support of her entire family when her H had an affair. She divorced him and he was banished from the only family he'd known for well over 30 years. His ex didn't look quite so squeaky clean, however, when it was later discovered, by chance, that their eldest son wasn't his...
 
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#17 ·
I wish I could post pics of it here. I wish they looked more like me. lol.

If he really had wanted a test, I'd let it happen, then laugh when it came back 99% true. We could have a Maury moment. ;) IN YO FACE! :rolleyes:

If you are that suspicious of your children's paternity, maybe you're with the wrong woman (the universal you). Even with my first, when we were not even in a committed relationship and I was pregnant, he never questioned it and he could have--- he suggested abortion, why not question paternity?
 
#23 ·
Suspicion doesnt make an honest person a cheater, but lack of suspicion doesnt make a cheater honest either. And there is no such thing as a 'right woman' or a 'right man', only circumstances, and human feelings.

That's just one story. And perhaps he ignored HUGE RED FLAGS that suggested she was less than faithful.
Maybe, but thats just speculation. We all have to learn what red flags are before we can act on them. This guy learned 30 + years too late apparently.
 
#21 ·
If my husband had wanted a test I'd like to think I'd rise above and be okay with it. Truthfully I probably would have been offended. Believe it or not we had this discussion when I was pregnant. Just in a theoretical sense.

But like that girl said there is no denying they are his. My son has hair just like his, same blood type, same head shape, same smile, etc. You can lay pictures of them at the same age side by side and THEN you see the obvious resemblence. My girls actually thought the pictures of my husband as a kid was their brother.

My girls look like my mother in law and they have the same white blonde hair my husband used to have when he was a kid.
 
#27 · (Edited)
some people dont want to know if they are the father of the child their SO is giving birth to? I doubt that highly.

If you mean some people dont want to ask or that they trust their SO enough that they dont need to ask, i can agree.


The people who parent the child are its parents, not the sperm or egg donor.

correct, but I dont think this was the OP's point.


Mandatory paternity testing would certainly help catch "cheaters," but would also then contribute further to the decline of society as we know it. I don't know if that is a good or bad thing;

Anyway, interesting question.
How would mandatory pat. testing contribute to the downfall of society? would it suppress womens sexuality?
 
#26 ·
The people who parent the child are its parents, not the sperm or egg donor.

Honestly, if you think about this from an historical/evolutionary perspective, men have never really known if the children were theirs. An ancient African king explained this around the 13th century, and his culture practiced matrilineal inheritance--because the only guarantee was that the child belonged to the mother whose body s/he came out of.

Cultures that emphasize patriarchy will do whatever it takes to enforce control over female sexuality. This leads to all sorts of abuses of women. Think "burqa" in the parts of Afghanistan controlled by the Taliban--the most extreme example that most Americans know. But in the interest of controlling access to their women, many cultures have created legal and moral codes that are an abomination to the Western mind.

Matrilineal does not mean matriarchal. In other words, inheritance through the mother's line does not mean female rule. Instead, property moves through the female line and men's property descends to their nephews and neices (if the society is more patriarchal, only nephews will inherit, but that turns out to be a fairly rare occurrence). Typically, certain types of property tend to descend in particular ways--sheep to women, other types of property to the men, for example, among the Lakota nation (again, historically speaking).

In such societies, people also usually practice serial monogamy--staying together a year or two, then moving on to new partners. Such groups may be matrilocal (couples living in the woman's mother's home) or patrilocal. Men have relationships with their children, but are "legally" responsible for their neices and nephews.

As 21st century Americans, we have such a narrow view of what is possible. We try to argue that our social organization is based in biology, but there is really no evidence to support that argument. Our brains are incredibly malleable and we can accept a wide variety of social constructions, believing them to be based in what is "natural."

Mandatory paternity testing would certainly help catch "cheaters," but would also then contribute further to the decline of society as we know it. I don't know if that is a good or bad thing; I can envision equally successful social organizations but obviously could not predict if that is what would emerge to replace the "nuclear family" of the modern world. And if you are not an historian, you might be interested to know that the nuclear family emerged slowly, beginning as far back as about the 11th century. It has not been the predominant social organization of civilization for most of history.

Anyway, interesting question.
 
#28 ·
Omg. Pick my words apart :rolleyes:

Some people TRUST that the child is theirs from the moment the test says "pregnant" or "+".

Perhaps some men would even be offended as if the doctor didn't think the child was theirs, etc.

And I don't think the mother should be kept out of the loop when it comes to testing the child. Whatever I do to my children, I pass by the father first. I'd never get the child poked or prodded without my husband's consent as well.
 
#30 · (Edited)
Don't wish to ruffle any hen's feathers, but a DNA test isn't the only way to determine who fathered a child or children.
My wife had two children she purported to be mine and the way I discovered the truth was when it was determined that neither child had the same blood type and neither had the same blood type as my ex nor me. They were fathered by two different men, neither of whom my ex has the knowledge of what their names are. She was pulling some pretty long trains while we were together and had plenty of time to do it since she was giving me hardly any attention when I wasn't at work.
Those of you who think it's a cakewalk to raise other men's children as your own when you think they are yours really don't have a clue.
 
#29 ·
I don't agree with it, because of my personal situation. When I have a child, I know it will be mine and my husbands, and my husband knows that as well. We don't need anyone to tell us this child is ours, and even if there was a doubt do to rape, or resolved infidelity, we wouldn't want to know if the child wasn't his. He would raise the child as his own, because the DNA isn't what makes the man a father.

My father was a dead beat, abusive, manipulative man-*****, who didn't have the right to be in my life. My mom made the decision at my time of birth, tht she didn't want him to be a part of my life. If the testing were to be mandatory, it would also automatically put the father's name on the birth certifiate and give him rights that he was too much of a dead beat to fight for. If he would have been on my birth certificate, I am sure that my life would have been effected is a very negative way. The only thing that was effected was that my mom did not get child support, which she was fine with to keep him out of my life.
 
#34 ·
I'd be suspicious of any woman that objected to fathers getting paternity tests for their children.
Why? Why would I need to have a paternity test, when I know who the father of my child is, without a doubt? If my husband were to question whether or not a child is his, or requested a paternity test, I would leave. He wouldn't have to worry about whether or not the child was his, because I would raise the child as my own. I would see it as a sign of guilt and a complete lack of trust, and would not force him to raise his child.
 
#36 ·
Well, I know two males that went through this.

I had a good friend back in high school. I remember one day, he came to school, saying his parents were up late last night, fighting. I tried asking him about it, but he didn't go into it. I come to find out through the grape-vine, that his mom had cheated on his father, told his father that the baby (him) wasn't his, and the dad just filed and left. Never said anything to the family, or sent any money. And who can blame him?
Sadly, I haven't seen my friend in years. His mother couldn't support him (she was a stay-at-home mom), and he had to move. I think he joined the army, and disowned his mother. I remember how angry he was. He hates his mother, and doesn't know his father, and the father he thought was his isn't.

So this testing doesn't just affect the father. It affects the child. Because a man he had come to know as his father for 16 years, suddenly after one night, is no longer "Daddy," but a stranger.

Another guy I knew in college, moved out to California. I found him on facebook, and I saw he became quite the player.
Well, 3 years later, he gets hit with 3 years of child support plus interest from this woman. He was surprised, and went to court about it. Come to find out, this women never made any attempt to find him, and it never had to proved that he was served the papers so he knew he was the daddy. So she had the papers to tell him that he was a daddy sent to the bar he met her at. Never sent to his home address. Interestingly, I found out the only lawsuit that they don't have to prove they served you papers in California is for child support.
Well, he did a paternity test, and come to find out, IT AIN'T HIS! But guess what! He still has to PAY! Because he didn't do it in the time limit (one year after birth, until that kid hits 18) and California doesn't care. So he is paying child support, on a kid, that is not his, for some women that he hasn't seen in years to parent a kid. And he has no idea on how she spends that money. It could be spent on food and clothing for the kid, or beer and designer clothes for mommy.

So who thinks that is right?
 
#480 ·
Well, I know two males that went through this.

I had a good friend back in high school. I remember one day, he came to school, saying his parents were up late last night, fighting. I tried asking him about it, but he didn't go into it. I come to find out through the grape-vine, that his mom had cheated on his father, told his father that the baby (him) wasn't his, and the dad just filed and left. Never said anything to the family, or sent any money. And who can blame him?
So he parented your friend through high school and then just abandoned him. I blame him. What a truly horrible person. Why would you even think that behavior is defensible? He ABANDONED his son. Nearly 18 years of parenting meant NOTHING, but one sperm would??

I sure hope most men don't feel this way.
 
#37 ·
I am not a hen, thanks, hook.

I WAS raised by a man who wasn't my father....but I considered him my daddy :eek:

My bio father was a deadbeat drug addict who came back into my life while he was dying of cancer in my late 20s.

I wouldn't tell my husband NOT to have a paternity test, but i would be hurt if he did. It's basically saying he doesn't believe I've been faithful to him.
 
#39 ·
I'll never forget a Dateline program I saw many years ago, it was about a man who married this woman...they had 4 kids in 13 yrs....got a divorce... then learned yrs later only 1 of those children was HIS .... Story here - Dad Blood - Reason.com ..... He would have never learned if one of them ddin't fall sick....a blood test followed, questions raised, then the paternity tests.

She was off & on again cheating with another Sperm Doner while he was working.....Then he was denied access to any of them when he shared this information - while he was dishing out 1/3 of his income.......

The sheer injustice of this SICKENED me. The outright betrayal and lies of that mother, and she got NOTHING. WHY WHY WHY - I was so angry watching that. And this other man....her lover... he got off scott free- cause this man's name was on the Birth certificates!!

Article said >>>
Such men are victims of a gap between law and technology. The law basically presumes, as in ancient Rome, that a woman's husband is the father of any child born during the marriage. While a court may rule in favor of the cuckolded husband, what legal precedent exists is not on his side. Rulings in Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, and California have also held that if the husband acknowledged the children as his for the duration of the marriage, he cannot deny paternity afterward.
It is always about ...what is in the best interest of the Children...

Personally, this is how I feel >>>
surely a good portion of the blame for such tragic situations rests with mothers who cheat and lie. The men who fight back don't necessarily believe, as some critics claim, that biology alone makes you a father; often, they are reacting to being deceived and used.
When I watched that show, My heart was for the Deceived Father, I had zero regard for his Ex wife whining about "what about my children?" ....she disgusted me, no accoutability at all... she caused that ...Let her pay him back !!

Every man should have the right to the test. In this day & age with so much cheating, casual sex the norm... almost seems crazy to me...for some men to not be asking for this Test..


Men need to be very very careful of the character of the women they engage sexually with....like Juicers example below...

Another guy I knew in college, moved out to California. I found him on facebook, and I saw he became quite the player.

Well, 3 years later, he gets hit with 3 years of child support plus interest from this woman. He was surprised, and went to court about it. Come to find out, this women never made any attempt to find him, and it never had to proved that he was served the papers so he knew he was the daddy. So she had the papers to tell him that he was a daddy sent to the bar he met her at. Never sent to his home address. Interestingly, I found out the only lawsuit that they don't have to prove they served you papers in California is for child support.

Well, he did a paternity test, and come to find out, IT AIN'T HIS! But guess what! He still has to PAY! Because he didn't do it in the time limit (one year after birth, until that kid hits 18) and California doesn't care. So he is paying child support, on a kid, that is not his, for some women that he hasn't seen in years to parent a kid. And he has no idea on how she spends that money. It could be spent on food and clothing for the kid, or beer and designer clothes for mommy.
The Player got bit in the ass on that one. Really, men should be more careful who they stick it in...see what can happen!@#$%^&

Still ain't right though!! Terrible injustice in my opinion.
 
#40 ·
The big difference here between mothers and fathers:

A father can not, (unless he is extremely lucky, and has a lot of resources) trick a woman into raising a child that is 100% his, and 0% hers.

A woman can, (and apparently it seems that some do) trick a man into raising a child that is not his.

Also, to anyone who says parenthood is about who raises the children:
Let your wife try to cuckold you, and see if you can raise that child, or let your man go out, have an affair, and bring home a baby in 9 months. See if you can still love that child.

For women that feel testing means an issue of trust:
You know that the child is 100% yours, because it came out of your body.
A man has only your word to go on. And since we know various statistics, like I guess now 20% of kids aren raised by men aren't biologically the dad, and since 50% of women cheat, would you be willing to take those odds?
Because I know I sure wouldn't.
 
#44 ·
Also, to anyone who says parenthood is about who raises the children:
Let your wife try to cuckold you, and see if you can raise that child, or let your man go out, have an affair, and bring home a baby in 9 months. See if you can still love that child.
My mother did. My half brother was a part of our family while I was a baby(our mothers stopped talking when my dad ran off in an effort to keep him from finding us. The theory was if he found one, atleast he hadn't found both). My mother would take care of him, and treat him as her own child, knowing full and well that he was still sleeping with his mother behind her back. Same with my brother's mom. They didn't blame us because our father was a dead beat *******.
 
#46 ·
I don't believe in mandatory testing of newborns at all. I'm in Australia, the heel prick test is certainly not mandatory, although nearly everyone does it. Both my girls were tested, but we refused a lot of other routine tests and procedures we felt were unnecessary or harmful. I certainly knew exactly what the heel prick test was for, not only PKU, but other genetic conditions such as cystic fibrosis.

I'm not interested in more governmental intervention in what happens to my children.

And I would be totally offended if my husband wanted a paternity test. It's laughable to think about, actually.

On the resemblance front, my older daughter looked just like me at birth. My younger one looked just like my husband. One each. I have known lots of babies who look startlingly like their fathers at birth and I've even read it's an evolutionary advantage, as it bonds the father to the baby from the start.
 
#49 · (Edited)
trust does not equal truth.

I guess that I wouldn't be able to trust someone that would deny me knowing for 99.99% surety, just as they do, that I am the father.

I can see the point that asking a woman for a paternity test could be construed as insulting, depending on your perspective.

But this has to be balanced with the statistics that a lot of people cheat, and that somewhere between 5-20% of children born are raised by men who believe that they are the fathers of those children when in fact they arent.

This is by far a bigger insult than saying, I would like to have a paternity test, just to be sure.

Those men trusted their women too.

My step son had a child with his then gf. a while after he broke up with her, he found out she had been cheating on him while he was at work, with a guy that had similar physical characteristics to him. Her bulldog DA tried to take him to court for child support and he requests a DNA test. She withdraws child support requests.
funny eh?
 
#57 · (Edited)
you misunderstand, I mean that the option to have one should be mandatory for at least the father.


5-20% of children being raised by the "wrong" father means that 80-95% are NOT.
So when are you likely to be 5-20%?

If it comes down to the fact that you do not trust that the child is yours, then why are you with your wife?

I can see if it was a gf/bf or a ONS or a booty call who said she got knocked up. Fine. The test should be done and that should be done BEFORE she can collect moneys.

But within a marriage, and my husband wanted a paternity test, I'd laugh. If you can't trust that I won't eff around on you, then why are we married? given the correct circumstances and conditions anyone is capable of cheating.

But thankfully, I know I'm an honest woman.
And there are those who aren't. and you cant tell the difference by looking at them. and by the time you can tell the difference, its way too late.


What this sounds like is a way for men to question their wife without the wife realizing it.
why would someone with nothing to hide object to a man wanting a paternity test?

look at is this way. You have a baby at a hospital. this hospital has had incidences for mixing up babies and sending parents home with the wrong baby. is it wrong to ensure that yo uhave the right baby before you leave?
 
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