Originally Posted by estranged
I know it was stupid now... I spoke to 2 close friends about it before telling him and both said not to say- I see why now... yet I left it for a few days before I did and the guilt and anguish was eating me alive,
I do not at all agree that you were stupid telling him. I think you did exactly the right thing. The right thing would have been not to have done it at all, of course.
Honesty, honesty, there has to be honesty. Without that, you'll be giving him a false life - and that guilt and anguish would have taken its toll.
Having said that, I think this is good advice:
It sounds like you are bored and tired of the same old routine...so instead of seeking out the excitement of someone one else, work at putting the excitement back into your relationship.
I am a firm believer that the way to stop infidelity of any kind is to avoid going there in the tiniest bit. It is far easier to say "no", or run away at the first hint of even an inappropriate thought, than it is to stop yourself if you allow yourself to get "into the moment".
Please don't allow yourself to get anywhere near any kind of situation like that again. Just DON'T GO THERE!
If you need a reminder, just read some of the posts on these fora from the numerous people who's lives have been totally devastated by the selfish acts of their partner. Respect yourself and don't be that person.
I would do all it would take to concentrate working on an exciting life TOGETHER. That's what you promised when you married.