Originally Posted by WHATDIDISAY
We seem to argue the most the day before a major holiday or my birthday?
WDIS, welcome to the TAM forum. Are you suspecting your W has moderate to strong traits of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)? I ask because you attempted to leave a post in Maybe's thread, where I describe typical BPD symptoms and behavior at My list of hell!
In this thread, you say very little about your W's behavior. I therefore have no idea whether you are describing strong BPD traits or not. I will only say, then, that the inability to trust is one of the many symptoms of BPD. Like your W, my BPDer exW was frequently accusing me of thinking or doing things I had never done.
As I explain in Maybe's thread, BPDers are unable to trust others because they never learned to trust themselves. Moreover, they never learned how to intellectually challenge their intense feelings -- with the result that they are convinced that every strong feeling MUST be true.
As to the fights always occurring BEFORE a holiday, I note that with BPDers the worst fights usually occur DURING or immediately AFTER a holiday. Indeed, with BPDers, the very worst
times usually follow immediately on the heels of the very best
times. Because BPDers feel suffocated and engulfed during intimacy, they typically will create an argument over nothing immediately after a great weekend or an intimate evening spent together. They do it to push the spouse away and give themselves breathing room. I also discuss that behavior in Maybe's thread.