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Old 09-07-2012, 02:34 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do men look at other women? From a slightly different angle

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But many of you enjoy or appreciate when you are the object of a man's gaze. This is not directed at you, but how can a women be upset if her man does it, but appreciate or enjoy it when another man looks at her?

I am not sure why. Could be that it is attention vs. the stolen attention?
Most women compare them selves to other women all the time. Things like "wish my hair would look like that" or " Her legs are so wonderful." Might be part of the issue?
I think that there is a high chance that because we know men are visual that we think they are automatically checking "her" out because of some sex related thought. But there is that chance that like men are trained to hide it we are trained to be offended by it? IDK really.
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Old 09-07-2012, 02:45 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do men look at other women? From a slightly different angle

I love this topic. It's truly shows an INCREDIBLE double standard. I'm wondering how many of the women complaining about their men looking at other women were there on opening night of Magic Mike. Or the women who complain about their men looking at porn, were in 50 shades of grey book clubs.

I'm not a gawker, actually I rarely notice other women, not that I don't at all, but it's usually a very fleeting thing because I'm not, and have never been an ogler. My wife checks out other men more than I check out other women, but she's not a big ogler either. Both of us are discreet and frankly neither of us would ever notice that the other is doing it. Not being secret about it, we both just don't put a big emphasis on it.

I want to hear from the women who get upset that their husbands look at other women tell me that they don't check out other guys (in person or on screen). If you do then leave your husband alone, except for when he's disrespectful about it. Then address the disrespect not the looking.
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Old 09-07-2012, 02:52 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do men look at other women? From a slightly different angle

I honestly did not check out other men until there were issues in my marriage.

I will admit to thinking an actor here or there was hot but they might as well be cartoons "not real". And the thought of them never carried over into the bedroom or "solo sessions".

Thank goodness Magic Mike came out so that men now how have a platform to stand on. LOL Man that one movies measures up to the thousands of full nudity shots of women and the gross overabundance of female strip clubs.
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Old 09-07-2012, 03:22 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do men look at other women? From a slightly different angle

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I honestly did not check out other men until there were issues in my marriage.

I will admit to thinking an actor here or there was hot but they might as well be cartoons "not real". And the thought of them never carried over into the bedroom or "solo sessions".

Thank goodness Magic Mike came out so that men now how have a platform to stand on. LOL Man that one movies measures up to the thousands of full nudity shots of women and the gross overabundance of female strip clubs.
Well a couple things.

What's different about finding Brad Pitt attractive versus finding the woman walking in front of you at the supermarket attractive? Is it the availability? Then what you're saying is you don't trust your man, not that it's wrong for him to look. Looking is looking, regardless if the person is 5 feet in front of you or on a big screen. They are both human beings. The issue is in the insecurity of the person, because one is a zero chance to get while the other is a possibility.

I love how you dismiss the opposite side of the argument because Magic Mike is "only one movie versus all of the things men have". My issue isn't in Magic Mike. My wife saw that movie and I've never been to a strip club, so what do you say about that? My point is women have to accept that double standards are wrong and don't complain about your husband looking when you look. As much as a lot (NOT ALL) women liked Magic Mike for the obvious reason (checking out half naked men), they hate that it exposed that they check out half naked men. LOL

Now Hopelessly, I'm not saying a man who gawks is acceptable. It's not. THAT is disrespectful. Just like any woman who hooped it up at the Magic Mike showing was disrespectful in my opinion. Or any man who gets touchy feely with a stripper is disrespectful. THAT is bad behavior. But "noticing" someone is attractive isn't. It's what you do after the noticing that can be an issue. And I would probably agree with you more than you think about it.
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Old 09-07-2012, 03:37 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do men look at other women? From a slightly different angle

If you look at my first post there I pointed out a difference in noticing attractive people and recognizing them for that and making them into sexual objects, picturing them naked and using them to masturbate too.

When noticing it's usually just a quick observation, fleeting and no not really obvious. The OP (while i get he was speaking of himself) almost defined looking and noticing other women as seeing them in a sexual manner or an object of fantasy. Which opened up the gates to that discussion.

Yes, I will admit availability does play a factor in how my mind processes it. I think it kind of goes back to what another poster said earlier. We as women tend to compare ourselves to other women (no not all, some are just born with all the confidence and all in the world, GOOD FOR THEM) and if I were to notice him obviously oggling then I would probably assess her from head to toe recognizing what parts looked better than mine and vice versa.

Personal experience shapes us all and mine I am sure hasn't helped this.

Added: Oh believe me we know double standards are wrong. You see alot of it on here coming from the other direction.

Last edited by HopelesslyJaded; 09-07-2012 at 03:41 PM.
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Old 09-07-2012, 03:40 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do men look at other women? From a slightly different angle

If we are going to go off on a tangent from my OP, I'd prefer it to be why it is ok for a woman to enjoy or appreciate another man's gaze, but not ok for her man to look at someone else.

Kurosity: I think you've made a few very interesting points. And Jaded took my comment about using the image for DYI too literally. There was a fair amount of intended humor or sarcasm in that remark. I don't look for the purpose of sex or to "record" an image for later use (forget which movie where he says "I'm taking snapshots"). I don't doubt that some men do that and specifically for that purpose.

But I think many men do it cause women are beautiful. They are "designed" to attract attention. Looking may induce an arousal, but that's not why some of us look, at least not consciously.

You said women compare themselves to other women, I think that is more likely the underlying cause for them being upset when their man does it. They compare themselves, so that assume men do it too. But men don't think like women --- that's why I used to toddler/baby analogy --- to give us some common ground.
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Old 09-07-2012, 03:43 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do men look at other women? From a slightly different angle

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I don't look for the purpose of sex or to "record" an image for later use (forget which movie where he says "I'm taking snapshots"). I don't doubt that some men do that and specifically for that purpose.
That would be Hall Pass and that is exactly what came to mind when I read your post.
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Old 09-07-2012, 03:44 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do men look at other women? From a slightly different angle

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If you look at my first post there I pointed out a difference in noticing attractive people and recognizing them for that and making them into sexual objects, picturing them naked and using them to masturbate too.

When noticing it's usually just a quick observation, fleeting and no not really obvious. The OP (while i get he was speaking of himself) almost defined looking and noticing other women as seeing them in a sexual manner or an object of fantasy. Which opened up the gates to that discussion.

Yes, I will admit availability does play a factor in how my mind processes it. I think it kind of goes back to what another poster said earlier. We as women tend to compare ourselves to other women (no not all, some are just born with all the confidence and all in the world, GOOD FOR THEM) and if I were to notice him obviously oggling then I would probably assess her from head to toe recognizing what parts looked better than mine and vice versa.

Personal experience shapes us all and mine I am sure hasn't helped this.
I'm sorry for any bad personal experiences, a lot of men need to get a clue. And I TOTALLY 100% agree with everything you say here.

I know that if my wife was an "ogler" and gave herself whiplash because some construction worker took his shirt off, it'd bother me too. As secure and confident as I am with my relationship, that would definitely get to me too.

PS on the movie issue, if you want a movie that puts Magic Mike to shame....Watch 300 LOL. It's got lots of blood and battle but it's got more washboards than the entire Mississippi River. One of my buddies was really bothered by his wife going to Magic Mike, and yet 300 is one of his favorite movies of all time. I said to him, "So you're bothered by your wife watching 5 or 6 guys getting down to their skivies but you have no problem when it's 300?" "Well that's different." "Not to your wife LOL, doesn't she usually watch that movie with you, and yet she's a pacifist LOL." The look on his face was priceless. He never connected the dots before.
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Old 09-07-2012, 03:47 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do men look at other women? From a slightly different angle

I have seen 300. LOL Not many testosterone fest movies get unwatched in my house.
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Old 09-07-2012, 03:49 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do men look at other women? From a slightly different angle

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If we are going to go off on a tangent from my OP, I'd prefer it to be why it is ok for a woman to enjoy or appreciate another man's gaze, but not ok for her man to look at someone else.

Kurosity: I think you've made a few very interesting points. And Jaded took my comment about using the image for DYI too literally. There was a fair amount of intended humor or sarcasm in that remark. I don't look for the purpose of sex or to "record" an image for later use (forget which movie where he says "I'm taking snapshots"). I don't doubt that some men do that and specifically for that purpose.

But I think many men do it cause women are beautiful. They are "designed" to attract attention. Looking may induce an arousal, but that's not why some of us look, at least not consciously.

You said women compare themselves to other women, I think that is more likely the underlying cause for them being upset when their man does it. They compare themselves, so that assume men do it too. But men don't think like women --- that's why I used to toddler/baby analogy --- to give us some common ground.
In regards to enjoying a man's gaze versus having their man be the gazer at other women..well that's easy. Another man is just that, a stranger, anonymous person who you'll never know. Their man doing it hits the security issue. It's harder (for some) to feel secure when their SO is checking out other people (man or woman).
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Old 09-07-2012, 03:52 PM   #26 (permalink)
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In regards to enjoying a man's gaze versus having their man be the gazer at other women..well that's easy. Another man is just that, a stranger, anonymous person who you'll never know. Their man doing it hits the security issue. It's harder (for some) to feel secure when their SO is checking out other people (man or woman).
I will add to this. Because they re strangers we don't know if they are married or not. If we find out a guy that was oggling us is married it turns from a confidence boost to disgusting. So I guess it only works if we assume they are single. LOL That probably didn't make sense to some of you but I know I have friends who think this way.
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Old 09-07-2012, 03:56 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do men look at other women? From a slightly different angle

I will add though that there are many women out there whom this doesn't bother. They actually notice their men noticing other women and don't flinch. The majority of the times those women have never felt betrayal in their marraige or had trust broken. So those thoughts don't naturally occur to be upset.
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Old 09-07-2012, 04:05 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do men look at other women? From a slightly different angle

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I will add to this. Because they re strangers we don't know if they are married or not. If we find out a guy that was oggling us is married it turns from a confidence boost to disgusting. So I guess it only works if we assume they are single. LOL That probably didn't make sense to some of you but I know I have friends who think this way.
It makes perfect sense, but only when combined with the term "oggling". And I think everyone here agrees, including me, is that oggling is not appropriate behavior for a married man. Oggling and looking are two different things. I mentioned that my wife called me out (long ago) for oggling, not for looking, and she was correct in doing so.
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Old 09-07-2012, 04:08 PM   #29 (permalink)
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It makes perfect sense, but only when combined with the term "oggling". And I think everyone here agrees, including me, is that oggling is not appropriate behavior for a married man. Oggling and looking are two different things. I mentioned that my wife called me out (long ago) for oggling, not for looking, and she was correct in doing so.
I say oggling because we probably don't notice the ones who just notice. Rare is it you have that split second eye contact from someone "just noticing" you.
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Old 09-07-2012, 05:57 PM   #30 (permalink)
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I love this topic. It's truly shows an INCREDIBLE double standard. I'm wondering how many of the women complaining about their men looking at other women were there on opening night of Magic Mike. Or the women who complain about their men looking at porn, were in 50 shades of grey book clubs.
I am not a double standard woman, I fully understand my husband enjoys a quick look - and heck, I am visual too. I see this as just being human, and it shows our hormones are working as they should, nothing more -unless we take it over some threshold in oogling -as is being discussed here.

We are so open with each other on this sort of thing..... some women might CRINGE.... but in this -it gives us freedom and even acceptance of each other, if that makes any sense at all. Neither one of us has ever felt "disrespected", so for us, we are good.

We also enjoy some porn together (never watch it alone), I so enjoy a HOT R or Unrated amorous scene, a steamy lusty romance novel too. These things make the world go round...a little fantasy...it's all good....I wouldn't down myself for it.


He downloads Playboy Bunnies, whatever floats his boat, he ironically doesn't get off to any of them ...but waits for me every time, he has been this way our entire marraige...... so how can I complain. Love him for that.

My husband went with me to see Magic Mike...Of course I enjoyed that more than him -but he thought the plot was decent.

Was another thread with this very subject....alot of the men got chewed out in it. >>> Is this the way men really think...?

I think Unbelievable's answer (page 12) was the most balanced of how a Man thinks...what automatically goes through his head... I asked my husband , even our oldest Worship Leader son, they both had similar views as to this....Unbelievable said >>
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I have already said that fixating on a woman (ie, imaging an actual sex act with her or fantasizing about her stripping) is a bit creepy and, of course, that is a choice. My point is that there is an immediate "yes", "no", "Maybe if I was drunk" sort of selection going on for the briefest of nanoseconds in every male brain (at least the straight ones).

Having been male for nearly 50 years, I have been "listening" to "yep", "nope", "no way in hell", etc every day for at least 40 years. Of the thousands of guys I have worked and lived closely with, they all seem to have the same thing going on. Naturally, only a creton would attempt to act on those thoughts and one would be sort of a perv to dwell on the subject and create disgusting mental scenarios.

I'm a Christian and I'm married. Neither experience rendered me blind or oblivious to my surroundings. The OP asked how men thought and I've given the most honest answer I can
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