It hurts sooooo bad right now ...

outinthecold · 06-26-2009, 09:02 AM

Dave, metaphorically, I can see it.

In real life, I feel like a drag queen at couture week.

Nothing fits,

Nothing feels right,

Nothing looks good on me,

I made it thru last night.

She kept saying, "I have no where to go", it didn't feel right to force her to leave.

I made an emotional decision based on what she said.

Someone said earlier in this thread, making decisions while emotionally involved is always a bad decision.

Yes it is.

Reflecting on it today, I have to let her go and/or rather I have to get her to go.

outinthecold · 06-26-2009, 09:38 AM

I'm at work

I'm in a fog

I'm breathing deep

I'm about to take the keyboard and break it over my head

dcrim · 06-26-2009, 09:51 AM

I know, OITC.

I was the same when I returned to work after I found out xgf married (and my 3 day binge

).

Fortunately tech support kept my mind somewhat busy most of the day.

On the plus side, you could see this coming (I was blindsided), you can begin to get used to the idea of life without her. On the down side, there is life without her, but you still have the kids.

Just hang on.

outinthecold · 06-26-2009, 09:58 AM

Dave, honesty is best, but blind-sided is tough.

outinthecold · 06-26-2009, 10:08 AM

She said she wants to pursue this relationship.

An emotional bond with the "other".

From her words, they seem to say the relationship is almost a non-starter. I've said she must tell the girls just in case they ever run into her or the girl's friends run into her. Her response, "Are they going to see me talking on the phone?"

Everyone here knows how difficult it is to find someone, too tall, too short, tooooooooooooo insert answer here >> _ _ _ _ _, let alone in the middle of two crisis es.

From her words, I say there are issues yet to be resolved and a relationship yet to start.

I still care for her, no more hurt needs to be spread around. There has been plenty already.

outinthecold · 06-26-2009, 10:12 AM

Thanks Dave, that little boost sure did get me going. I have problems to solve and people to lead.

dcrim · 06-26-2009, 12:31 PM

OITC, just in case...

She may well find that the grass is not greener. If/when she does learn this...she may want to return to her fallback plan. YOU! Do NOT let her!

If you do want her back when she says she wants back...make HER date YOU and rekindle the relationship. And she stays at her own place.

And no sex until you both decide to make another go of it. And before there is sex, she must get tested (for your health and peace of mind).

Anent the boost...you're welcome, of course!

Rhea · 06-26-2009, 12:55 PM

If you do want her back when she says she wants back...make HER date YOU and rekindle the relationship. And she stays at her own place.

OITC your way w/words still amazes me man, you should write a book then turn that book into a movie. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. Keep talking and posting, I can and do feel your pain as many other's do here. Wow...

Hugs
Rhea

tobeamiss · 06-26-2009, 02:18 PM

She has no where to go? Isn't that too bad. Doesn't the other guy have an apartment? I know it hurts to think of it but I think she should go and see how green the grass really isn't on the other side. How dare she even talk to you about the other guy and an emotional bond with him...and then cries "I have no where to go" oh boo hoo.
I think she has alot of growing up (some call it growing) to do and I agree about her dating you and rekindling the relationship if she ever wants back in. That is if you ever let her because you would really want to be sure next time around...
What on earth is she afraid of? Just go already. I would be totally pi**ed at this point if I were you. If my husband were pulling this crap, it wouldn't last very long.
She knows at this point that she has you wrapped around her little finger and she's using you until she can make it on her own. ugh!!!

outinthecold · 06-26-2009, 02:37 PM

It sure does seem that way doesn't it.

Wrapped around her finger.

Did I tell you she took her ring off a while ago.

I took my mine off, she said it would be a freeing feeling.

It's not, there is still an everlasting impression on my skin.

In India, they train elephants when they are little with a cuff around their leg, as they get older they continue to cuff the elephant and leave them tied to a tree. Sometime when they reach adolescence, they remove the cuff, the elephant remains next to the tree. They do not try and escape for the elephant never looses that sense he's trapped.

So as me and my ring finger.

Rhea and ToBeAMiss

I appreciate how you are both in harmony with your remarks. Must be we are all like minded people only separated by electrons.

I have to control something.

The kids are adjusting well, she was not there all that much anyway, work and school.

It really affects the little one, I know she misses her, she's 7.

A friend of mine asked her the other day, "So, how's your mommy", she replied, "Don't know, she's not around much". He looked at me with very sad eyes and gave me a long shoulder hug.

I'm doing better now, solved some serious problems at work.

As for getting back together, only forward is the way now.

I know very little about her, she is a stranger to me. Some things seem familiar, like you meet somebody that reminds you of someone else, she is that now.

I start my volunteer job at the hospital in a few weeks. My journey.

I'm also thinking of going to "Burning Man" The Burning Man Project :: Welcome Home

Anyone want to join me there?

tobeamiss · 06-26-2009, 03:03 PM

Burning man sounds awsome. I would definitely go if I lived closer. I haven't read up on the whole thing but it sounds nice and laid back....anything goes, so to speak. Love it.
I'm glad you're going. You'll have a great time I'm sure. will you go alone or with the kids?

outinthecold · 06-27-2009, 06:46 PM

She is moving out on Monday

Just down the street

We have apartments and duplexes near us

She took the two younger kids down to see the apartment

They seem ok

The little one wanted to visit often when she moves

A good sign

outinthecold · 06-27-2009, 06:47 PM

My wife always wanted us to be best friends, weird we have to get a divorce to become friends

outinthecold · 06-27-2009, 07:03 PM

I felt good today, I know why

She was here all day

We talked

We hugged for a little bit because she was upset

I was able to take in her essence

Now she went shopping with the little girls

I miss her again

What next?

What should I do?

Where should I go?

My feelings are so interrupted

I'm lost

dcrim · 06-27-2009, 07:29 PM

I just tried to call you... got voice mail...left a message...

OITC, hang on, dude! I know it's rough. your stbx wants her quality time with the girls. Let her. It will soon be you and them... sigh...