Please take care of yourself. It is almost too painful to read your words. I think you need a total distraction. What are you doing over the Memorial Day weekend? Are you seeing any extended family or friends? Promise me you will go out and socialize and have some fun.
Thank you everyone for the kind words, I feel much better now. I got some much needed rest after I drove back from Escanaba at 4:00 in the morning.
Eight hours with a diesel truck, I've probably lost some hearing.
It is less hurt today, she wants me to go out and date. This just seems so impossible right now because for one, I'm hurting still and I'm not really a whole person yet.
I am a passive aggressive male person. Like you ladies have not heard that before. I have to overcome this.
I'm classic PAPD, dominant mother raised me, no praise or approval. I misdirect emotions onto other people. I do PAPD like a pro because I am one.
I'll be much better in a year, I am taking everyone's advice. Working on myself and my four daughters. Two of them are going to run the San Francisco Marathon with me. We went out today to get new running shoes. I ran this once before, with my wife of all people. Well she won't be joining us on this adventure.
I'll keep posting, but thank you one and all for all the good advice and good feelings I have received from every one of you.
I wish I could hug all of you, because it has meant so much to me.
And congrats on the marathon .. whew.. I'm winded just thinking about it!
Good job on working on yourself too.. it's hard to do when you've spent so much time focusing on two and more people for so long. Take care of yourself, and the rest will fall into place. And hug those four beautiful girls often!!
It is weird being alone, I have not been alone or thinking about my wife for 24 years.
See I'm tearing up already. I was ok. All day today, I actually got mad a few times thinking about it.
I can't blame her, some advice I have received is no one is at fault. We are at fault, both of us. We both wrecked this marriage. We both brought no tools to build a life with.
I can remember so many good times with her, trips, camping, baby's births, Christmases, birthdays, dates. She says she can't remember any good times without thinking about a fight or crap I did.
I'm a real piece of work, I robbed myself of "True Love" and steped on her heart one mean word at a time.
My only role models when I was little was My Three Sons, Gilligan's Island, Lawrence Welk, Mannix, Cannon, Marcus Welby, Sheriff Andy Taylor. I spent a lot of time watching TV, I walked home alone everyday since I was 5. I stayed by myself until 5:30 everyday when my mother would come home from working at the U of K. This explains my parenting, I'm a great father. I never saw a show on how to become a great husband.
I have no one to blame or accuse, it is just my circumstance.
Just that I know I need to work on myself and somewhere down the line I know I will be ok.
My mother-in-law said that one day you will wake up and say to yourself, I'm Ok, I don't feel it anymore.
Although everything I am says, "You want her back", but truly I have no chance from everything I have read.
I am dead to her.
Difficult as it is, sometime I'm going to write, "I'm Ok"
I can only imagine how you feel, I'd be the same way if my wife ever got up and left.
We have been together since we were 19, have been married almost 10 years, and we were both each other's firsts (religious/moral reasons) on our wedding night. If she ever just got up and left, I'd be devastated, I love that woman with all my heart.
Let people know what you're going through. Keeping it in will rot your core self. People need to know how you're doing so they can be supportive.
We all need someone. We all need support one way or another. Heck, most of the posts on this forum are cries for help and understanding! Not to mention advice.
I'd be happy to take you out for a beer (or two), uh, without the kid, though. Anything to get your mind off the brooding. I know the feeling.
Take the little one to McDs or something. Get out, enjoy the traffic. Don't sit and think, brood. Plan a weekend trip to the zoo, or the museum. Heck, go to toys r us and get something for the little one!
Don't sit home wondering. It'll make her wonder, too.
You're not pathetic...just hurting. It's called life. stuffit happens.
Just don't live for HER, live for yourself. That's the best thing you can do. Live for your daughters. They need you even if "she" doesn't.
I know it hurts...and I'm looking forward to a year from now, too. It will happen. I'm counting on it!