outinthecold

Dear: PineappleLady

It is out of my hands now,

I have made mistakes upon mistakes upon mistakes,

I hesitate to do anything, but do I want to do anything anymore?

She is with another man.

A hit from an emotional meteor for most men.

I have to let it go that the woman I loved is no longer there and the marriage I had is now gone.

My office wife told me that when a woman makes an emotional bond, she will head in that direction.

It is plain to me that is what happened.

Sure we had problems,

She opened her self up with a conversation she should not have had.

No involved woman should ever have "That Conversation"

Regardless of how I feel, it is for the past, love or no love the person is gone, long live the new person.

I can look in retrospect and say I don't really know the new person.

Nor do I care for this person.

Morally, she did something she would not approve of herself.

Emotionally, she left me for another man.

Physically, she gets hives now, something she never had before.

Marriage, she betrayed me.

Yes she looks the same,

Mentally, she is a different person capable of massaging her actions into plausible realities to justify her leaving.

I have no feelings for this new person.

I long for the old,

The innocent person I married,

So to answer you, I have no feelings for this new person, she just looks like someone I loved once before.

momentary lapse

Wow. Thanks for responding. You are a strong man and you are going to do great. I cannot imagine the pain and hurt you've been through....I hope I come out the other end half as strong as you, right now I feel I so guilty that I can never mend what I did. I just hope he truly realizes that I never meant to hurt him and that I want us to be together...I don't think I would survive otherwise.

outinthecold

Dear: momentary lapse

The only way to heal from anything when it comes to emotions is to tell all.

Truth is the only thing that matters and all the truth you can muster to tell.

Never let the other think there is more truth that is un-said.

Hurt happens when truth is told.

Hurt continues with un-spoken words.

To amputate an arm, do you cut off one finger at a time?

No, you tell all like a band-aid ripped from you back-side.

Otherwise, it is splinter, no matter how small, embedded deep in a wound that will never close.

outinthecold

Today was a day spent with monotony.

Round and round I go with the lawn mower.

Over and over I go in my head, divorce, lies, betrayal, ah ha

Then a moment of clarity,

My dog barked,

Someone needing directions near my lawn,

No matter how small the help I gave

It reminded me that I am not the only one in the world

I need to give more of myself to others who have real problems

Not the simple "Wife doesn't love me anymore, move on"

But, I did get my lawn mowed

momentary lapse

Hmmmm....very deep indeed.....I'm wondering....are you speaking from experience, or assuming that I haven't been telling the truth? I'm not judging, but I want you (and I guess everyone) to know I've told the whole truth....I hate what I did...realize it could be worse, but it's bad enough....

Had a very difficult, guilt-full day yesterday but today seems to be better. Who knows what tomorrow will bring...

OOPS!!! Not trying to turn this into being about me....sorry!!!

momentary lapse

You accomplished something, and you helped someone. What more can you ask for? And, you've helped me, too!

outinthecold

Dear: momentary lapse

Please do not read my meaning as anything but an attempt to help.

I neither object or accuse.

I mean by truth, is to play it again and again like an LP with a worn out needle.

After a while, it no longer sounds like it did.

The person you have hurt, will feel all has been spoken and they can move on in the healing or move on in their decisions.

Please feel free to speak here, my forum is your forum.

We all are here to help one another.

If you need a stranger to talk to, my name is Hugh, send me a message I'll give you my number.

I live in Lansing Michigan, probably thousands of miles away from where you live.

momentary lapse

Thanks for the help.....I appreciate it....

outinthecold

She came by today to take the kids to a movie.

After the incident at Sam's club, I have no wish to look at her.

I look down when I speak to her, she is no longer my wife.

She has moved on with a new man.

I remind myself of this to keep my perspective.

Ladies, picture a baseball hit out into center field, a an outfielder runs to catch it, at the last minute something gets into his eye and he looses track of the ball. His glove moves at the last instant and the ball breaks the shadow of the sun. A whish of air, he sees the stitching, too late to react, the ball impacts his brow making a sickening wet leather slap against his forehead.

This is how I feel.

I must keep moving, I most forget, I must never look back, something is gaining on me.

momentary lapse

Just remember that you need to take care of YOU.... and the kids.... What she has done is done and all you can do is move forward. I know, easier said than done. You will have good days and bad. Soon, hopefully, the good will outweigh the bad.

outinthecold

Beginning of another day.

It looks promising.

I woke up.

Got out of bed.

No coffee for me, smells great but can't stand the taste.

Going to concentrate on today.

It is almost school time for the kids.

The oldest went back to college.

outinthecold

I had a funny feeling, then I wanted to call my wife and tell her about it.

No one to call.

Sometimes the stark reality of your wife leaving you is heart pounding.

I'm shouting inside.

Corpuswife

I read your thread...poetic writing.

One of the things that has helped me in my grieving process HAS been to reach out to others. I have been volunteering lately and LOVE it. Try it. It will take the concentration off of you and your problems. I recommend this to anyone.

I read somewhere..."the way you gain happiness is through serving others."

outinthecold

Dear: Corpuswife

My life this morning seems full of regret.

outinthecold

I hope the rest of the day gets better