outinthecold

I don't know how the morning could have gotten any worse but it did.

outinthecold

I think what set my mood off was watching this depressing movie.

Then, the X brought the little one back this morning.

The little one told me her mom was going to a funeral.

Of course I asked, I should not have.

Her mom’s new boyfriend’s father died.

I didn’t know what to say.

I don’t know what to feel.

I should feel bad, someone died, someone I didn’t know.

I felt strange, I felt,

You wanna know what I really felt and it is terrible, I’m gonna tell you it is terrible my thoughts.

I felt, he deserved, to take my wife, you deserve any crap that comes your way.

I know, this is a horrible thought, so un-human, so un-caring.

I couldn’t help it

Now she gets to go to the funeral as the other woman, the woman in waiting, what is the family going to think? What are his kids thinking? What happens when old wife meets new girlfriend?

This is so negative of me

I have to get out of this mood.

I wish that stuff with the memory drain and kill could really be done.

I’d sign up to forget her.

outinthecold

It is better now

momentary lapse

Good for you! Hang in there!

outinthecold

I apologize for always talking so down in the dumps.

I need to talk more about when I'm UP.

I'm UP now, sort of.

I received two beautiful plants from a friend at the office.

She is my garden buddy.

We trade potting stories.

Looking forward to the walk home from the office.

It usually takes me about 30 minutes to get home.

It will be good in the sunshine before the fall leaves get me.

outinthecold

Looking forward to Altus on Thursday.

Ethopian food, really good stuff

momentary lapse

Don't apologize! That's what this forum is here for, I believe~someplace to come when we're feeling both up AND down!!

outinthecold

Al right so I walked home, it took me about 30 minutes

I worked out for an hour

my usual routine of push-ups, curls, roller ball, roller wheel and ax chop

I made dinner for the girls, they loved it

I am a okay

Maybe I'll go out for ice-cream later

Thanks for hanging with me

Dark Angel

I know exactly what you mean. Something happens in your day, whether it be good or bad and you want to share it with someone.

problem is you turn around and no one is there.

I'm really struggling with that too. Going to take some getting use to. Not that I want to share my day with stbxw anymore or that she would listen before anyways.

It would be nice for someone to be there to listen. Perhaps one day.

Hang in there brother. Everyone of those hard days will all fade eventually and the world will be right again.

Rhea

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

I found this quote today...I'm trying to remember it as often as other thoughts intrude on me. One day at a time. Time does heal all wounds. They just never tell you exactly how much time it's going to take.

Saw pics of what I consider MY inlaws the other day on my ex's little gf's page stung a tad...yucks. But that's what I get for looking I suppose.

__________________
"Cause I'll be there, in the back of your mind, from the day we met to the very last night, and it's just too bad, you've already had the best days, the best days of your life..."

dcrim

OITC, I know the feeling...wanting to share and no one is there! I lost my best friend and I'll never know why. I still have family to talk to...but it's not the same intimacy.

We're here for you, Hugh! Just keep posting. You do have an interesting style!

DA, I'm hoping for that, too. Someday...

__________________
It ain't illegal until you're caught!

outinthecold

Dear Dark Angel

I am there man, having someone to talk to seems so important.

I'm glad my friend from Hawaii called, I have not talked to her in 10 years.

It sure was nice to hear her voice. I was at her wedding 10 years.

I can only share so much with my daughters, they have their lives which I should not be intruding on.

You want to reach out and touch someone feel their face, stroke their hair.

No one there.

One of the last things my X said to me was, "I know I need that (i was rubbing her back) but I don't want it from you".

I have to constantly remind myself of the course I am on.

I have to keep going on a train with tracks that only head forward.

One day,

one day

I'll be there at my destination,

my stop,

somewhere I can change trains,

ride beside a special passenger.

outinthecold

Dear Rhea

Happiness is over rated.

There again,

Somehow you arrived at the Happiness Platform,

I'll get off my train there,

Disembark here I come.

I've had enough bitterness and hurt

outinthecold

Dear Dave

I know Dave,

one of these days you and me,

big steaks,

big brew,

you introduce yours to me

I'll introduce mine to you

We'll eat,

We'll drink

We'll be on that Happiness Platform

I know we will.

outinthecold

I'm sorry I didn't mean to leave Dark Angel and Rhea out

The four of us with our special passengers

Riding the train to the "Happiness Platform"

In the dining car, champagne, burgers, steaks, Oh My.

Sitting at a huge round table, all glasses high

"Here's to you all, your spouses and I"