I know you asked for it the other day, but I have a joke-
So this polar bear walks into a bar tells the bartender he'd like a rum...(pause)..and coke.
The bartender ask- what's with the pause?
The bear says- I don't know- I've always had them...
ha ha ha
Its time to disconnect.. Start doing things you enjoy. It's the only way to move forward. Sitting in the past is doing no good for you. It only hurts more.
It's great that you are a deep feeling person, a man with a romantic heart and capacity to love but it is also important to learn the art of tuning out. As Loving Husband stated, start doing things that you enjoy, hobbies, hang out with friends but leave the drama with the person that causes it for you.
When your with your friends, it's ok to talk about things that are bothering you once or twice but you do not want to alienate your self by overly dwelling on it.
When My ex-wife and I divorced, I was devastated, the closest I have ever come to trying to take my own life, but instead I lay in bed all day, lost like 70lbs over 2 1/2 almost 3 months while just laying there I guess because I wasn't eating much.
Finally a girl cousin of mine came to my folks house where I was staying and kidnapped me and took me to live with this other cousin of mine that's all reclusive, there I just hung out and he let me talk for hours about all the drama I had just been through, but then my cousin, probably sick of hearing it, made me a deal, lift weights with him and he'd let me keep talking about my ex. Needless to say I kept talking and got in great shape in the process, it also changed my attitude because it was kind of funny that my ex-wife eventually saw me because we had a baby daughter together and fell in lust with me again, but by then I was already with someone else.
Now, 16 years later I have been through another break up of a 10 year relationship (Not married), I met someone else and married them and have a beautiful little boy.
My current Wife and I have love each other but we have some serious issues too. I hate her guts sometimes and she tries to do things that should bother me, but I'm almost 40 years old now and I am a different man, more able to step back and asses the situation.
I've finally learned how to "disconnect" too, I used to always stress and get angry but now I ignore, play a video game, watch a movie or a show I missed on-line, play with the baby, watch football FINALLY.
This year I've even taken up a hobby that is going to have me hiking the great out doors and my Wife is not interested in it because she says it's nerd stuff, so she wont be there.
I hate hearing how the kids get affected by these drama's us adult men and women have with each other.
A friend of mine is going through a break up, not divorce yet but going that way I think. He has two children 9 and 7 or something like that and it's just so sad that their Mom couldn't get past her "needs" long enough to let them have a home with a Mom and Dad in it.
Some will argue that it's equally damaging if not more so for the kids to be in a house hold with two people that don't love each other but this woman broke up their relationship because she got all hot and bothered with a married ex-boyfriend from high school on Facebook. Selfish stuff that should have been left behind when children came into the picture.
There is a special place in hell for these people I hope.
You are right outinthecold we are just human beings, no one is perfect. I've hurt someone in pursuit of my own desires and I regret it now. She is still a good friend and our individual lives have flourished in some aspects. She is Chinese and would always tell me that her grandma would tell her growing up, that there is no right or wrong, there just is. I would always argue that there where lines between right and wrong (since I was raise christian) but now as an older adult, I can see that, even though there are lines drawn trying to separate, right from wrong, good and bad, they ultimately don't mean anything because we are all good and bad, right and wrong, just depends who's judging you.
There are some clear lines of right and wrong but not when it comes to the heart.
Through all the heart ache, I blame no one
I look to no one for the answers, because no one has them
I have a real optimistic outlook on life now, something my X gave me as a parting gift
So many people have reached out to me at work, old friends, new friends, and people I never knew had so much pain themselves.
As I said, my story is simple, I did not have what she needed, she left, get over it.
This forum has helped me move on, i've made friends here, I met someone here who is very special.
I never thought I would, I enjoy my phone conversations with her and one of these days I am going to visit her. My beautiful new friend.
Getting to know someone by the sound of their voice and hearing her thoughts is the ultimate blind date.
I look forward to talking with her everyday.
The heart has no rules, let it be written
Good luck
Wow, congrats. I'm happy for you. Divorce is hell, but you know you're not alone. I've been reading so many depressing posts the last 2 days and realize how lucky I am compared to others.
Relationship: damned if you have one, damned if you don't.
I know, like they say, "Man can get along with any woman so long as he is not in love with them"
Do you think so? Is that why we have issues, cause he's (was) in love with me?
I was insecure throughout our marriage, he rarely complimented me and was very critical of me. And he loved the attentions he got from women online and his exes and our sex life sucked big time cause he loved virtual sex and masturbating to porn. I always wondered if he was really attracted to me.
But then I am told, it's him and his low self-esteem is the problem. He sucked the self-esteem out of me too in the process. Now I'm working on it with the help of my coach.
At this point I am okay either way, if he's back it's good, if he's not I know I can find a better and more compatible partner who appreciates and deserves me. No more longing from me. I'm done feeling miserable and pathetic.
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Re: It hurts sooooo bad right now ... 
