If your husband asked for a DNA test...
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Old 05-25-2009, 08:46 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default If your husband asked for a DNA test...

how would you feel?

My hubby and I talked last night. Because his ex cheated on him and he didn't find out about it for years, he wants a DNA test done on our 1 yr old son. Granted he has blond hair and blue eyes and my husband and I have brown hair (I have blue eyes) but still.

At first i was like, ok, whatever. I don't have anything to hide. Then I realized that if he does go thru with it I might just be really pissed off about it for the rest of our lives. Knowing me it might just be decades before I ever let him live that one down.

I don't cheat, never have and never would. I'm the kind of person that would tell him "look, you don't want sex with me anymore? fine, i'm gonna go screw Joe (whomever) then"

But i wouldn't sneak and I wouldn't cheat. But you could tell he doesn't believe me. His jaw was jumping in anger like mad when I said that.

So... if you went thru with the DNA test, could you ever forgive him for it?
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Old 05-25-2009, 09:01 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: If your husband asked for a DNA test...

Oy vey...

If it were me, I would get the DNA test, scream I TOLD YOU SO in his face.. then leave and file for child support.

The fact that he even mentions it screams in volumes about his lack of trust. Which to me seems unrepairable. If my H were to even suggest it, I would run to my lawyer so fast, his head would spin.

My H jokes around saying our kids look nothing like him, and asks if the mail man is their daddy. (my H is native american, I'm blonde haired and blue eyed, both of our kids our blondies) Considering our mail "man" is a woman.. I know he is joking.

In your shoes, I would go through with the DNA tests.. that way any doubts in his head will be cleared up. However if it were ME I wouldn't be able to forgive him even questioning the fact that his children are his.

My H recently suggested he thinks I am having an affair. Truth be told, I can't even stand the man I'm married to.. why would I want another friggin headache?!?!?!?!

Sorry kind of went off topic.. random thoughts rolling in my head lol...

I would sit down and tell him... if you go through with the DNA tests you are going to have a hard time dealing with the fact that he even SUGGESTED the kids aren't his, and are unsure if you could forgive him for even thinking it. See what he says...

Then again, when the kids come back as his, maybe it could be a turn around in events for your marriage. Maybe he'll suck it up and give it a shot for his family.. who knows what would happen.
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Old 05-25-2009, 09:49 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: If your husband asked for a DNA test...

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Originally Posted by snix11 View Post
My hubby and I talked last night. Because his ex cheated on him and he didn't find out about it for years, he wants a DNA test done on our 1 yr old son. Granted he has blond hair and blue eyes and my husband and I have brown hair (I have blue eyes) but still.
Go ahead and have the DNA test done. You have nothing to lose but a lot to gain. It will help your hubby build trust. True, you aren't the reason for his mistrust--you can blame that on his ex. I put up with a cheating spouse, and I know where he is coming from. It is hard to be trusting again. After the DNA test results come back, just be reassuring to him. And ask what else you and he can do to rebuild his trust. I'm afraid I will eventually have this issue arise in my future relationships. I just hope I find someone who will be loving, reassuring, and patient with me.
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Old 05-25-2009, 10:34 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: If your husband asked for a DNA test...

I am someone who believes in this age of technology, all
children, when born should have a DNA test to prove paternity.
and....
fathers of the children should be held in all ways half accountable, as set up by some new laws to
provide certain aspects for children until age 18 ( no further than age 18 unless child is w/ sever handicaps).
I believe ALL children should get DNA tested.
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Old 05-25-2009, 11:02 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: If your husband asked for a DNA test...

Well I'm starting to get really pissed off about the whole thing. Honestly I think he wants the kid to be 'not his' so that he can get a clean break from me, he's been trying to do this breakup with me now for a year, but never ends up going thru with it.

I have half a mind to let him think what he wants, let him think the boy isn't his, just pack his **** and let him leave. I may not get child support but I wouldn't have to deal with visitation, divorce, the new woman, or any of that BS.

I have been SO damn patient over the last year, helping him with everything, trying SO hard to help us get back together. Then to be insulted to this magnitude twice in two weeks? it's just too much.
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Old 05-25-2009, 11:14 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: If your husband asked for a DNA test...

You'll get child support either way.. he signed the birth certificate. He is legally the father regardless of a DNA test.. and he could tell his lawyer he wants a DNA test.. but if the child turns out to be his when you've told him over and over again that it is, then he will be forced to pay for the DNA test.

I don't blame you.. I would me pissed too. No one should put up with half the crap you have.

Sorry things suck right now.. but keep b*tching here.. we're here to listen.. and b*tch along lol
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Old 05-25-2009, 11:35 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: If your husband asked for a DNA test...

I think you are overreacting. Yes, you could take this request as a slap at your fidelity, he doubting you. But it really has nothing to do with you.

It has to do with his baggage, result of having cheaters in his past.

Women do not have any doubt as to the parentage of their children. They bore them, carried them around for 9 months.

Men do not have anything like that. A significant percentage of husbands are "father" to children that are not theirs.

We have to rely on the word of our wives and our perceptions of their faithfulness.

Cheaters are very good at deception. A man can have no clue whatsoever for a long time that his wife is cheating.

Once the cheating is aired, it is devastating. It calls into question the validity of everything a man's trusted. Is nothing dependable?

Anyway, like I said, this request for a dna test has nothing to do with you. And it is no skin off your nose to have the test done.

The positive take away is that he has proof of your faithfulness.

Does it suck if your perception is that he thinks you were screwing someone else when you got pregnant


Sure, if that is how you perceive it. But as I described above, it really is not about you.
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Old 05-25-2009, 11:37 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: If your husband asked for a DNA test...

Sorry Snix11! I had no idea he had other motives here. With all of the other issues, I'm not sure I would have the test done. I can see your issue. And I know all too well how it it to give to a relationship until you have nothing more to give.
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Old 05-25-2009, 11:52 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: If your husband asked for a DNA test...

Ive had my fare share of DNA tests ! id get the test done to prove that he is the father He must have his doubts to even ask you in the first place !
If you have nothing to hide get them done
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Old 05-25-2009, 12:14 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: If your husband asked for a DNA test...

Quote:
Originally Posted by snix11 View Post
So... if you went thru with the DNA test, could you ever forgive him for it?
Given that, (having been a long standing veteran of your other threads) you will probably be splitting up soon anyway... is it worth it?
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Old 05-25-2009, 12:22 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: If your husband asked for a DNA test...

Well i'm sure as hell not going to pay for it. He wants it, fine.

But I don't ever see it as being something that is helpful to us.

Frankly, I would prefer if he's going to leave for him just to do it thinking the kid isn't his.
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Old 05-25-2009, 12:29 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: If your husband asked for a DNA test...

michzz -

Don't take it personally? If I shouldn't then who should?

That's like saying - Prove you were with your dying father last night rather than out screwing someone.

Sure I could prove it, but by the time you end up doing that, why on EARTH would you want to be with someone like that?

When I got pregnant this time, we had already had two miscarriages. He wanted another baby, I didn't. My doctor advised against another pregnancy - five c-sections are tough on anybody, not to mention on me, who has complications with pregnancy anyway.

Couple that with getting a 17 inch vertical scar on my stomach, totally ruining whatever looks I might have had and everything else that happens with pregnancy, it's a complete INSULT to me.
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Old 05-25-2009, 12:29 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: If your husband asked for a DNA test...

Guys s a 15$ saliva swab test is out there in drug stores (not a court one) but is an indicator if a legal one is required.

Simply swab child mouth or cup drank from, you do the same place in sealed pouch off it go answer can be responded to at your chosen location or email.

NO NEED TO ASK GGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Country girl excllent post.

I guess hubby not up on technology.
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Old 05-25-2009, 12:34 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: If your husband asked for a DNA test...

Here ya go, and you don't have to discuss it again.

Matter of fact, he can do and live with the results

DNA Sample Collection Kit | DNA-IDcheck | Walgreens
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Old 05-25-2009, 12:35 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: If your husband asked for a DNA test...

if you think he is going to leave you then get the tests done ! it could be the differents in child support claims etc .
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