Husband was grilling burgers late yesterday and one broke...
so he comes over to me where I am sitting across the yard with the dogs and says to me
" a burger broke, do you want it?"
WHAT ???? hell no !
He looked puzzled and went back to his grill...
this made me realize my husband needed some straighting up
as in the morning he was acting strange too...
being very annoying, but the back to the hamburger...
I realized I had wained in my responsibility to keep him on track how to treat me...
and I told him later he is supposed to offer me the BEST OF THINGS, not the broken !!!
Man alive, I'm going to have to watch him and keep up with these little things before he thinks he can start walking all over me.
Ladies, pay attention, ignoring the little things can work against you. My husband later told me he thought about it and I was right. He should have given the broken burger to the dogs or ate it himself.
It may seem like a little thing but it's really not. Little things like this can open a new mindset of how your husband sees and treats you... You teach your man how to treat you, and
I am not the broken burger wife.
What you are asserting makes good sense, but (and a VERY big but here) it MUST be balanced with the idea of "picking your battles". You said:
---Man alive, I'm going to have to watch him and keep up with these little things before he thinks he can start walking all over me.---
Yes, oppression starts a bit at a time. But do you also want to be the wife who explodes over every little thing? He burns an egg... BAM, a day in the doghouse! He makes a comment you don't like.. SHAZAM, no sex for a month. He doesn't clean/perform a task up to your expectations... WHAP you berate him at the top of your lungs and tell him he is worthless.
Some of you are reading the above and thinking "he's exaggerating! It doesn't go like that". Here is the thing though -- that bit preso said about the little things, it works in the other direction too.
See, a very funny thing happens when people feel controlled by their partners. They REBEL, and they do it BIG TIME. if you assume that every little thing means your spouse is trying to control you, and you react in a manner that is completely off the scale with whatever he is doing (because you believe you are reacting to being controlled, whereas he believes he you are reacting to whatever the thing is) you will either push him completely away, or you will have world war 3.
To put it more simply, if you go looking for reasons to fight, you will find them. If you react to those reasons in an apocalyptic manner, you will have a very unhappy life.
Also, when you ex[ect the worst of your partner, they tend to live up to that expectation. Say you are trying to save for a vacation, and you are going out for the day. One of you sees some store that contains things you like, and the other thinks "oh crud, there goes our vacation fund" and vocalizes this opinion. You feel hurt because your partner assumes the worst, and now you feel justified in going right ahead and blowing through that money.
She also said:
---You teach your man how to treat you---
On this we can absolutely agree. Do you want your man to learn that you will explode over every little thing? As a man, I can assure you one of two things will happen.
1) He will just stop telling you things. Lying/hiding stuff in this case is worth the risk since you will be mad no matter what, so he might as well take a chance on avoiding one fight by keeping it from you.
2) You will have an enormous power struggle, and lay waste to everything you hold dear, unless one of you backs down (which means the "winner" has just won a lifetime of resent) or you end up separating.
Unless you call off the fight and reconcile, one of those two things will happen.
Another funny thing about these "red flags". EVERYONE will display a few in their lifetimes, no exceptions. While certain combinations, repeated, spell trouble, an isolated flag here or there does not mean in 5 years your man will be a cheating lying gambling alcoholic.
Again, when you go looking for trouble, you'll find it. You have to decide whether a broken burger is the hill you want to die on.
Thank you for your comment
but I did the right thing and more imprortantly the timing was
great !!!
I realized when he offered me that broken burger, his mindset was not where it should be. In my marriage, my husband is not going to bring me the leftovers, he is going to treat me like his queen....
and offer me the BEST, not the worst !
or I'd prefer to be single. thats just how it is.
Hopefully the situation made the point clear to him.
---In my marriage, my husband is not going to bring me the leftovers, he is going to treat me like his queen.... and offer me the BEST, not the worst !---
If you are a queen, then he gets to be a king. While I don't disagree with expecting the best from your partner, I SINCERELY hope that giving you the BEST does not require him taking the WORST.
You say you'd rather be single if you don't get the best? Believe me, he will come to the same conclusion.
Winning (being treated like a Queen because you DEMAND it or else)
is a hard position to hold, because the change and behavior is coming from YOU and your position of power (the or else) rather than from him and his love for you. Just my opinion.
If you want your husband to treat you like a Queen, act like one - and treat him like a Prince Most men would relish the thought of treating a 'lady' like a Queen. But ladies remind their lovers gently of their faults - with love and tenderness and understanding.
Hey, snix! I wondered what happened to you. Are things OK now, or did you leave your husband? I don't want to hijack the thread, I'm just curious.
That Dr. Phil quote preso used about how we teach people how to treat us also supports the idea of acting like a queen (not a princess) to get the message across. If you teach people that you are prickly and will overreact, they will learn to avoid you and treat you like a grenade with the pin pulled out.
Hi chop, see my other threads I think preso is unhappy and upset, but not about hamburgers. There are bigger issues here and it's coming out as food wars.
People marry for different reasons and also people vary greatly in their lives. In my situation, there are no financial problems, cheating problems, drug or unemployment problems...
it is only a matter to make sure my husband does not begin to take me for granted.
There is no underlying time bomb waiting to explode... the hamburger situation is more for the younger or inexperienced readers on this forum, to illistrate how this "take your spouse for granted" can creep in.
My husband and I are not young or inexperienced in relationships...
but we are human and it is an easy thing to do to start to take your spouse for granted. It's up to us to make sure this doesn't happen as I did not marry a "take advantage of his wife" kinda guy.
There is a lesson to be learned from the broken hamburger, not only for my husband, but maybe other readers of this forum.
I did not marry for desperation or for many of the reasons some marry. I married to be the queen of my marriage...
and my husband knew it when he married me. I have to keep him on track.
I think you are both right--and it's about how you do it, not the ultimate goal. You should treat your spouse lovingly and like the BEST thing in your life, always, and you also need to expect to be treated that way. I started our marriage like that and lived it--my husband insisted that your spouse should be the person "you can be yourself with" and that in the home, you can relax your standard of decency. I guess that sums up the problems of our marriage right there--I got tired of being treated that way.
I think you are both right--and it's about how you do it, not the ultimate goal. You should treat your spouse lovingly and like the BEST thing in your life, always, and you also need to expect to be treated that way. I started our marriage like that and lived it--my husband insisted that your spouse should be the person "you can be yourself with" and that in the home, you can relax your standard of decency. I guess that sums up the problems of our marriage right there--I got tired of being treated that way.
Thats right that you should treat your spouse well.
I have no intention of being taken for granted as happens in many marriages... my husband married me because I'm intelligent and beautiful and he should continue to treat me
well even though I married him. He should bring me only the best of things, not the worst.
I was happy to have the hamburger as an example and it wasn't over something bigger to drive my thoughts to him.
Little things like this is how a couple starts to fall into a bad way of taking each other for granted.
I treat my husband well, like a king, and he should treat me like his queen.
If this was not the way its going to be, I'd just assume be single as when I was dating, I was treated super well and I did not marry to be taken for granted.
If my wife got that upset over a hamburger, I'd probably tell her to go take a crazy pill and calm the crap down.
yeah maybe...
but think about this. Not all men are kings and people usually hook up with their match or equal...
so maybe this would never even be an issue for you.
I am not your average woman in many regards, so average marriage, average relationship and average men are not for me. I only married because I found a man who was emotionally mature. A man like this is about one in 20 million...
so I do have something to work with and my efforts do not fall on deaf, dumb or immature ears
I agree most men and I would not get along. I've dated enough of them in my life to know. Only the very best, the cream of the crop for me and the only reason I married.
the broken hamburger !!!???!!! 
Most men would relish the thought of treating a 'lady' like a Queen. But ladies remind their lovers gently of their faults - with love and tenderness and understanding.
