First off me and my wife have been together for 13 years married for 2. We met as teens and have been together since. We can't talk about a disagreement without it turning into a full blown arguement. If I'm not always agreeing with her on situations in our relationship she gets loud and the talk turns into a verbal war. When we have company around I feel my wife blocks me out as if Im not there, Im not the biggest joker as some of the people we associate with, I do chat and joke with those I feel comfortable with. She on the other hand is a big gossuper and enjoys joking. Im starting to feel like I should avoid being around her and her people to avoid feeling blocked out by her. If im not socializing or smiling the whole time she gets upset. Normally when im mad I wont conversate with her and I tend to stay in another room away from her, that upsets her even more.
She had a historectemi 6 years ago after giving birth to my son and seems to have lost interest in sex, at least time to time anyway. Sometimes she is really in to it, and times I feel she just does it to keep me happy. Im NOT saying thats a bad thing but I dont enjoy it much when it seems that way. I have a problem with getting upset and ignoring her when we havent had sex for a while, and when this happens she gets mad and we argue. I honestly would like to not get mad when she falls asleep and we dont have sex, I admitt there I may be acting a little selfish ! But how do i no when the right time to come to her for sex is, she hardly ever makes the first step, and when we do have sex, it's at the end of the night just before she falls asleep.
I love her and dont want a divorce though I strongly feel that Im the only one making exceptions in the marriage to keep her happy, she's been telling me alot thats she's gonna leave me. I just bought a home for us 25 miles outside the town we grew up in and all Ive herd her do is complain about how far it is from everyone, she started this about 1 month after we moved in.
ANY ADVICE, good or bad !!
dude..tell her to go! sounds like she doesnt appreciate nothing you do for her...you bought a house... and she *****es about it... she should be showin you love and respect for that, thats something you worked hard for. GET OUT NOW! its only goin to get worse. My uncle was in this same situation... his wife sat at home all day.. didnt work, their sex life was crap...they had 3 dogs, and she wouldnt clean up after them... she nagged about everything, they bought a double wide trailer, brand new.. and lost it cause she would work and help pay for it.... they ended up livin in a camper next to my grandma.. he told her to pack her **** and go. You're not happy, and thats easy to see... maybe you should file for a seperation, take some time apart and maybe it will open her eyes up to what she has, and maybe she will learn to appreciate it.
sounds like some control issues going on...
learn about what that is and see if you and your wife can fix it yourself, otherwise if you can't seek counseling before it ends your marriage
As much as I dislike generalizations about women and their hormones, a woman who's had a hysterectomy kind of falls into a different category. Is she on hormone therapy? If so how long since her doc has checked up on her prescription? I don't envy you suggesting it might be hormones as most women take offense to that line of thought.
Has her personality always been the same? Or did that also change after the surgery? Just something to consider.
I just bought a home for us 25 miles outside the town we grew up in and all Ive herd her do is complain about how far it is from everyone, she started this about 1 month after we moved in.
ANY ADVICE, good or bad !!
You cad, you moved her a whole day's ride from her family on horseback. Oh wait, she can get in a car and be there in 10 minutes.
As much as I dislike generalizations about women and their hormones, a woman who's had a hysterectomy kind of falls into a different category. Is she on hormone therapy? If so how long since her doc has checked up on her prescription? I don't envy you suggesting it might be hormones as most women take offense to that line of thought.
Has her personality always been the same? Or did that also change after the surgery? Just something to consider.
I am one such woman as you describe, had a hyst ( a few years ago) and now in menapause. I'll tell you I can be plenty moody and the hot flashes are killing me but I refuse to take hormones as they cause cancer and have been proven to cause cancer.
I'm trying all the alternative therapy things, soy, vit E
but still no help. Have a appointment with a so called specialist doctor next month and maybe will have to try something new.
My personality hasn't changed.. I just have no patience
and when one of those hot flashes hits, look out... its like I suddenly came down with a 104 fever, get dizzy and sometimes want to puke, I fear going out alone because I get confused when having one. Like they say: getting old ain't for sissies.
Sounds like a "My way or the highway" kind of wife.
Although high school romances are "cute and fuzzy", as people grow into adulthood they change. Hopefully they become more wise, more insightful, and juvenile behaviors decline until they cease.
The juvenile behaviors I noted as you described behaviors in your wife are: A) gossiping, B) threatening to divorce when you wants to work out relationship issues, and C) constant arguing, D) need for controlling others; just to name a few.
You sound to me like have outpaced your wife when it comes to mature adult behavior. If you have issues, you need to be able to express them to her without nonsense behaviors.
I would insist she seek counseling with you, and I think you should seek counsel alone.
If she makes repeated and extensive excuses for not going to counseling then tell her:
"See that highway out there, it is yours. Now that I've grown up I don't like the girl I dated in high school".
Sorry, I've GOT to interject this here, even tho it is off topic a tad -
Quote:
Originally Posted by preso
....I refuse to take hormones as they cause cancer and have been proven to cause cancer.
Oh, sweetie, sweetie, sweetie! Please do not give ALL HRT a bad name!
Not ALL HRT has been "proven" to cause "cancer". Please don't do the "sky is falling" when it comes to HRT just because of PREMARIN!!!
There are various kinds of HRT and you needn't suffer the symptoms of low estrogen levels, which is what hot flashes are. Hot flashes in general are created by low levels of estrogen. FAT in menopause is caused by your body TRYING to make its own estrogen after menopause (fat makes estrogen).
If you do not have a uterus, HRT CANNOT cause uterine cancer. If you don't have ovaries it CANNOT cause ovarian cancer.
The HUGE HRT scare (years ago...) was due to PREMARIN, an oral HRT which has PROGESTERONE and could possibly cause cancer. If you are susceptible to certain forms of cancer to begin with - such as breast cancer in the family it isn't wise to take PREMARIN (progesterone) and you don't NEED PREMARIN if you do not have a uterus.
PREMARIN is THE form of HRT therapy that is controversial. PREMARIN is made with PROGESTERONE and is made from the urine of female HORSES. PREMARIN is in oral tablet form, this MEANS the dose via an oral PILL is 10 times stronger than what would work if you didn't need to have the drug go through your digestive tract and liver. Your liver "clears" drugs, so the drug dose has to be high enough it all doesn't get cleared before it gets to receptors that stop the hot flashes
SO - to SOLVE your hot flashes you ONLY need to take ESTROGEN via a SKIN PATCH.
One good one is: VIVELLE DOT. It comes in various doses but it is low dose and has ONLY bioidential estrogen. it does not have progesterone in it (progesterone is the hormone that keeps your uterus healthy and IF you don't HAVE a uterus.
I hate to see so many women suffer due to being scared to death of HRT because of PREMARIN giving ALL HRT a BAD name.
You have all these hot flashing, low libido women out there because of this scare!
If you want sex from your wife Be a real man about it and take her like you want her! read a good romance novel. please note i'm not tellin you to force your wife by anymeans. but maybe you could grow a spine and be a bit more manly about initiating sex. Cause boy you'll be waiting the rest of your life for that one. All women really beleive in men should take charge and have confedence. I'm telling you Confedence is not only sexy but hot as hell. Then after f***in her and you both get your pleasure, oppen up the lines of comunicat5ion and don't let her get out of talking to you about your feelings . IE: I feel as though ......
= All women really beleive in men should take charge and have confedence. I'm telling you Confedence is not only sexy but hot as hell.
Well, it is probably safer to say, MOST women like a man to take charge SOME of the time. . . but yes, confidence is always sexy, in a man OR a woman. . . Guys like it when a woman initiates, too, but if either one is ALWAYS doing the initiating, there may well be problems down the road.
I didn't initiate with my husband b/c at first, I wasn't really attracted to him all that strongly and then, he never made it worth my while so why would I initiate--it was all about him. And PLEASE don't assume that it is all about intercourse--most men make this mistake, I always found. Intercourse may well be the least important sex act for a lot of women--yes, it can be very satisfying but that takes lots of learning about one another and practice, and many other forms of gratification work better for a woman!
Good luck; I hope you find something that works for you. Treat her like a sex object for a couple of days and then really come on to her--I mean, let her know BEFORE you initiate love making that you think she is hot, by telling her things or even giving her backside a rub, whatever, with a "um, um, you look good to me!" Teasing is often wonderful to a woman, too, a bit of a touch here and there in a playful way, with the promise of more later "when we have time." Get her thinking about it and feeling turned on a bit before the time comes and you will find her more receptive. Making an effort to pitch in around the house and buy a surprise gift for her is nice too, but do NOT demand sex right away as though you are paying for sex with gifts--very tacky! Surprise gifts are a way of saying, "I'm thinking of you" and the sex should come later, a couple of days at least, if you are tying to restart the romance. . .A great time to admire her body is while you are washing dishes side by side or doing another chore. . . when all you can do is admire, and be suggestive, but not able/willing to 'follow through' til later--prime the pump, so to speak. I would have loved for my husband to have come up from behind, put his hands on my breasts and pulled me to him, saying something suggestive, kiss my neck, and then walk away. . . if this is too much, too soon, try little bits of this and build up, then make it a regular thing so she knows you think she is sexy. Does wonders for a woman's self esteem! Just don't EVER make the mistake of treating her only like a sex object, esp when sex is NOT the object--when you need to show her respect and courtesy, like about family matters, or world issues, or whatever. That will make her hate you!
I do appreciate the responses you all have given. 90 percent of the time Im the one to make the first move towards sex, not aggresively either, last mothers day I bought her a sexy nighty outfit, lit 3 candles around the jetted bath tub, dimmed the lights and started off with a full body massage in the tub, this was all after taking her out for dinner. I no how to be romantic and make it more than a porn flick ! I do feel after the hyst she seems to have two personalities, one day she acts like she appreciates the man I am, the next two weeks I would believe I am invisible to her. I do believe in good and bad days, space, stress and all the other issues of life but damn, why can't she be a lil more consistant with the things that make a man feel good ? And as far as taking her like I want her and being a man about it(GOMEZ) Im more of a man than most, its not that she waits for me to make the first move, I have no problem doing that, I dont like making her do something she doesnt wanna do, I can tell when she's doing it for her own pleasure as well, and when she's just doing it to satisfy me. Theres nothing realistic I wouldnt do, for my wife, to make her a happier women. We both work, I do my part around the home as well as help her with dinner, dishes , laundry, cleaning and anything else I feel might take some pressure off her, and still when we argue she's quick to wanna end things rather than having the heart to try and understand what im going threw !
Ladies I need your advise 
Re: Ladies I need your advise 
