I apologise in advance for the long post.
I'm just so confused…so down..so lonely..
I'm tired of trying, being the only one who seems to care about my marriage. We've beeen mariied over four years togetehr over 6 years.
My husband has mood swings and carries around a lot of anger with him, he's not a talker so makes things very difficult.
He lost his mum when he was 13 and his dad when he was 15 so he's had a rough life in care etc.
I blame myself all the time for why he is unhappy, he's constantly complainign how s**t his life is
He loses his temper breaks things, smashes things , swears a lot etc...
He only seems happy when everything is going right in life, but when we have struggles i.e money etc he doesn't cope well he pushes me away gets angry etc.
We have sex twice a month if that I'm 26 he's 37.
I have a fairly high sex drive which makes this diifcult, he never gives me any affection.
He never approaches me for a kiss or a cuddle, I am a very kissy/cuddly perosn so this is hard too.
He says he loves me and can be kind but the lack of affection is driving me insane.
Its been this way for a long time.
We've gone to hell and back in our marriage lots of problems with his stepson, money, family, he smoked weed for years, infetility, his depression etc.
Most of the troubles he sails through locking me out and givin me the silent treatment.
It hurts really bad
Im so lonely I nearly kissed another man the other night whilst I was drunk, I was cravin just for a hug…some attention and someone to listen to me.
My husband and I don't communicate very well, he withdarws and I feelin like I'm nagging him to talk, he gets frustrated with me very easily, blows up and then we don't speak.
Hence the reason why I won't talk to him right now about how I feel I don’t think I can deal with the hassle or the cold shoulder.
I love him but I feel like a stupid love sick puppy waiting around for any scrap of affection he'll throw me
He is a very awkward man but when he is good he is amazing he's kind caring and funny my fmaily love him but behind closed doors he's a depressive angry monster.
I feel lonely and unloved I don't want to beg or nag for love and affection
I want affection and love not necessarily sex just cuddles and kisses even
I want I don't want my heart to hurt anymore I'm a good wife to him and have been more than patient with certain sitautions over the years.
He knows his actions hurt me and sometimes apologises althought that is rare and that’s what hurts me the most
All I want is to be loved... His reaction is normally- 'if you're not happy then go'
what do I do go? No suggestion that we work it out...
Is it me expecting too much?
DO I mean anythign to him?
When there are days…weeks that go by and he shows me NO affection at all is it any wonder I feel the way I do
Im attractive I'm well dressed, make an effort in the bedroom when we do it, he's always fully satisfied!
I on the other hand get oral sex maybe three or four times a year if I'm lucky
When we have sex it is fab so why doesn't he want is more often? Confused….
Lots more to this story but he knows how I feel about him I just wish his a**hole behaviour I wish I could not let it affect me so much
Shall I justy pack up and go
Six years I've been with him and given him my heart and soul
He denies any responsibility for anything its always someone elses fault, he'd never got o counselling I know if I suggested it...