I am a newbie here. After reading some posts, I realize that I am not alone in the "sexless" marriage department. I haven't done the deed in probably 2 months and I personally have 0% interest in it whatsoever. I'm sure that is due to my husband being an alcoholic, financial issues, etc. I am just curious to see what percentage of members here are in sexless marriages. If you are, is it you or your spouse that isn't interested or is it a mutual agreement?
My "sexless" marriage is due to my husband. He says he is stressed/tired/not in the mood, etc. I even had him go to the doctor. He was perscribed viagra, but he hasn't tried them. I think it had a lot to due with trying to have our ds. We tried for 2 yrs with lots of different fertility treatments & scheduled sex(who likes to be told when to do it lol) then he felt weird when I was pregnant. Our ds is 13 mo. old & we've maybe had sex 12x since he was born.
I'm a newlywed and I'm one of the tons of people here going through the same thing. I'm extremely sexual but my husband isn't and I'm suffering. I know that he is a sexual person because I know he owned porn and watched it before we got married and I've caught him a few times masturbating. I just can't understand why he just won't touch me. He's a great person and cares about me but I do believe that loving someone is not just providing for them. I'm SO depressed.
The drinking has been an issue since we've been together. You could say I was the stupid one for even sticking it out and then marrying him! I'm at a loss for what I will do. I want to keep it together for my 3 year old's sake. I can't imagine the heartbreak my son would have. I endured my parents divorcing when I was 7and it was the worst thing of my life. I don't recall my parents bad relationship, but I remember clearly the void of not having both parents. Hubby quit drinking for about 1 1/2 years and then we decided to have a child (I was nearing 37). My clock was ticking I guess. I lost complete trust in husband after he started drinking again when I was 4 months pregnant. I regret staying with him and cannot get over it completely. I was stupid enough to believe him that he was done that time. Right now, I am just dealing with a husband not coming home and left with my 3 year old son asking me where daddy is. He's a great father when he's around. He's a terrible partner. He has no interest in this relationship being a partnership. Sometimes I don't blame him though because I have issues with the lack of interest in sex. It's been that way after about 6 months together. I surely don't know how to fix it at this point.
Sex before we got married was amazing. My H was the first man to give me an orgasm. At first we just couldn't get enough and we had sex about 8 times a day. I'm not asking for so much sex now but at least once a week. I'm wondering if he just doesn't feel attracted to me anymore. Yesterday I talked about it with him and he told me that just because we hadn't had sex on the weekend we had to HAVE sex and later i fell asleep but caught him watching porn, so i guess that it's not that he doesn't want to have sex he just doesn't want to have it with me. I didn't tell him anything about it but I had trouble falling back asleep thinking and crying about what went wrong in my relationship and how it hurts to feel rejected and undesireable. I haven't put on more weight or changed a lot since we got together so I just can't put my finger on what is going on and why this is going on at such an early stage of our marriage. I feel like we've been married for 25 years now and its only been 3 months!! I don't think I can spend the rest of my life feeling like this. Thanks for replying, any help now is so important to me.
I found that when the sex diminished (his idea) it was because he was having an affair. He was being satisfied (emotionally) elsewhere and tried to find reasons not to be with me so he wouldn't feel so guilty.
I'm a newlywed and I'm one of the tons of people here going through the same thing. I'm extremely sexual but my husband isn't and I'm suffering. I know that he is a sexual person because I know he owned porn and watched it before we got married and I've caught him a few times masturbating. I just can't understand why he just won't touch me. He's a great person and cares about me but I do believe that loving someone is not just providing for them. I'm SO depressed.
I have been married for 17 years and although we never had an overabundance of sex to begin with, it completely died six years ago. Granted, we were intimate (during these last six years) in other ways, but after a while, that just doesn't cut it. Porn has been an issue since the time we started dating (I never agreed with it), and he's blamed the last six years on his weight gain/ED issues. He, too, is a wonderful, wonderful man and a great provider, but there's more to a marriage than that. I struggle with how lonely this leaves me as a wife.
I have been married for 17 years and although we never had an overabundance of sex to begin with, it completely died six years ago. Granted, we were intimate (during these last six years) in other ways, but after a while, that just doesn't cut it. Porn has been an issue since the time we started dating (I never agreed with it), and he's blamed the last six years on his weight gain/ED issues. He, too, is a wonderful, wonderful man and a great provider, but there's more to a marriage than that. I struggle with how lonely this leaves me as a wife.
hi tigger ~
I realize that you posted this in a fairly old thread, and hope that you will come back and look at responses.
Is your husband doing anything about the ED? If not, why not?
Is he doing anything about the porn? If not, why not?
And most importantly, what are YOU doing about this? Do you just go along and not rock the boat? If so, why?
This type of a situation can be crushing to a person's self-esteem as you have likely found out. The following is an excellent book on self-esteem just for women that you may be interested in:
In the meantime, get out there and start doing things for YOURSELF. Start a new hobby, get a new 'do, get some new duds. Invest in YOURSELF.
Also, have you ever considered going to IC so that you can gain some perspective and clarity on your situation and try and determine what the best way to move forward is?
I have been married for 17 years and although we never had an overabundance of sex to begin with, it completely died six years ago. Granted, we were intimate (during these last six years) in other ways, but after a while, that just doesn't cut it. Porn has been an issue since the time we started dating (I never agreed with it), and he's blamed the last six years on his weight gain/ED issues. He, too, is a wonderful, wonderful man and a great provider, but there's more to a marriage than that. I struggle with how lonely this leaves me as a wife.
This is my relationship minus the ED(I think, but haven't had sex(with him) in 2 years, so I wouldn't know if he has ED now or not) and intimacy of any kind has been very sparse before the 2 years prior to no sex.
He is a wonderful man, great provider, best Dad ever. But we have grown apart and share nothing, no emotional or sexual connection of any kind, and it has left me very, very lonely. He never was an aggressive type, but if I initiated it turned him off. Which left me resentful when he never acted or showed any action towards me, but yet found him looking at porn. I needed an alpha type, more aggressive male who appreciated me(in person, not porn) and I found it, unfortunately, outside of the marriage, in a long term affair with a married man, going through the same thing as me. Husband caught me cheating and we went thru counseling and he would do anything to keep me, but I do not find him attractive anymore or have no desire to have any type of intimate relations at all with him. But, yet, am afraid to leave the stability he provides me and my kids. We are a great functioning family other than the husband/wife connection. Sucks bigtime, but now more understanding of why people do what they do, as far as straying in a marriage and trying to stay descreet about it, but what I have learned is that it hurts many people, any you may THINK you can do it with no strings attached, but you fall in love and end up on one hell of an endless emotional roller coaster ride.
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