MsStacy

Hello friends. I am about to completely explode and thought I might seek some advice here instead of letting it out on my husband at the moment.

Some quick background....life has been INSANELY busy and crazy for the last two months...

• We had a (less than relaxing) vacation

• death in the family

• lots of exhausting travel to take care of one thing or another

• in the process of adopting our second child (which means literally TONS of paperwork, social worker visits, background and homelife checks, and did I mention paperwork?)

• a complete, and totally unexpected remodel of our master bath

• and my in-laws decide they want to come visit for three and a half weeks

I've been home for just over a week now, which is nice. At least I'm not all over the place like I have been. Our master bath is a construction site and useless right now and my in-laws are in from out of state so I can't exactly tell them this isn't the best time and come back later.

I was stressed to the max before they got here. Now, I try to be respectful, these are my husbands parents. But I'm about to totally lose it. My MIL is a very large woman...obese doesn't quite cover it. And (sssooooo trying to be respectful here) there is an odor that doesn't seem to go away and often times gets worse and worse. Personal hygene is difficult because of her size and isn't often. They are staying in my 3 year olds room and I usually have to do a major cleaning and deodorizing when they leave. I can't even get into some of the things that happen, it's just so gross, and even though I'm just dying to b*tch, I shouldn't go there.

Anyway...this last week has been tough. I am a person who is quiet, I like my time home alone when hubby is at work and daughter is in preschool...it gives me time to recharge. Contractors and workers have been here for two weeks and it just stresses me out a little. Hubby was on vacation from work but of course scheduled it so he went back to work the day his parents came into town (gee...thanks!). In addition to everything else I have going on I am now cooking for everyone and constantly trying to clean and deodorize. MIL sleeps most of the day and doesn't have a problem sleeping on my couch in the living room even though we have workers here. And My Couch SMELLS!

Well, this is all just the very tip of my iceburg right now but I don't want to bore you too much. I looked past when they can't clean their dirty dishes, leave stuff all over....I clean it thinking they will be leaving and only come once a year. They have been using my towels in the shower, so I take my personal towels to my bedroom and hide them. They are using my car instead of my husbands so there is another thing with the odor which has to be cleaned and sanitized. I started our laundry yesterday and they took mine out to do theirs...ok fine...doing mine today. They were using my laptop to check their email and play card games and after I had gone to bed I got up and found FIL was on my computer and some personal files were on the screen. He didn't even try to hide it. Nothing too personal, I don't really care that he saw it, but to just go into my computer and snoop around in the documents?

What really has me in an uproar right now.....SOMEONE USED MY TOOTHBRUSH!!!! Not even my husband would do that. Besides, he's working swing shift and wasn't even awake till after I found it used.

I'm just beside myself. I don't know whether to yell and scream, sit and cry, or just start drinking to get through this day. I gave them freshly laundered towels when they arrived and those towels are still sitting in their room. Why do they have to use mine? AND NOW MY TOOTHBRUSH? WHO DOES THAT?

Two and a half weeks to go. Please, help me get through this.

amberlynn

omg... thats just nasty... your toothbrush..thats disgusting.. fabreeze has some new air freshener out.. not sure on how bad the smell is.. but im sure it would kill the odor for a little while... i am so sorry you're having to deal with this... and your husband is just wrong for coming off his vacation when they come visit.. you have a right to vent..

MsStacy

Thanks amberlynn. It actually helped a little bit just to get it out in writting here.

Yes, I am stocked up on Lysol, Febreeze...you name it, I have it. All day long I have candles burning, many fragrance oil reed diffusers in the house....it can all do only so much. It really rubs me the wrong way when she comes out of the bathroom (after she's been in there for a half an hour...and remember we are down to only one right now with the construction) and tells me I may want to go light a candle in there! Um...hello....? I have multiple candles in there right now with matches and a lighter in plain sight just for that purpose. I keep putting the deodorizing spray actually ON the roll of tissue paper so the hint wasn't too subtle. Good Lord!

I've been bitter and b*tchy for a few days now and I know I'm not much fun for my 3 year old (yeah...hubby can just deal with it!). So I'm really trying to pull myself out of it. Can't seem to get there....

amberlynn

my MIL smells like smoke due to her chain smoking all the time.. but she lives 6 blocks down the road, so i dont have to worry about her wanting to come stay a few weeks.. i go visit with her atleast 3 times a week, i have to hog-tie my husband and make him go, he had such a bad child hood with her, shes bi-polor and on the brink of killing herself smoking the way she does. I do feel your pain tho, i lived with my MIL for 2 years.. it was hell in so many ways i cant even start to explain. I tied into with her idk how many times.. we lived there while i was pregnant.. and finally moved out when the baby was about 4-5 months old... i broke down and told my hubby that we either moved out on our own, or i would move to my moms until he found us our own place. I get along with her just fine as long as we're not under the same roof, and so does the hubby.

maybe things will get better for you, just keep venting.. tell them to use their own toothbrush and their own towels.. hell, hide your toothbrush if you have too... your husband should step up and be a man and put his parents in their place.. sounds like they just took over your home.. and shes just nasty goin in the bathroom and tellin you to light a candle.. id make her use a 5 gallon bucket outside some where...

Sandy55

My first thought was: "Wonder if you could find her a baby pool and park her in it?" I know, not much help...

I know the odor you are speaking of, my heart goes out to you.

I THINK I would be talking to my dh about how that odor makes you ill. AND that from now on: "They don't come to us, we go to them, and we stay in a hotel (he can stay with Mum and Dad if he wants) but you all just spend 3-4 days in hotel and visit as needed.

The other thing you could do is pop for 1/2 hotel costs for them. Why not just be HONEST and talk to your in laws? This could go on for years, and why DREAD it each year.

Worst thing that could happen is that she could be so insulted she'd never come back!

My MIL does not come into our space. For various reasons. My dh just had to understand I could not take it. Too much stress!

Hang in there!!! If your dh won't agree to some change up next year, then YOU go on vacation next year, while HE has a nice little visit with his parents at your house, then come home and have it cleaned by someone else.

amberlynn

MsStacy

I would love to do that! There is no way she could get down into it, let alone get back out again. We actually have one filled up and warm water in it right now. DD has been playing in it the last couple days. The 100+ degree heat around here isn't helping the odor issues.

Thank you ladies for commiserating with me. It actually helps to know I'm not this awful and disrespectful (albeit disgusted) DIL.

My husband really is doing the best he can. I don't blame him for not wanting to be here. Since my family is all local, he does put up with a lot and I only have to do it twice a year (and only once at my house). He has had many conversations with his father about some of the major problems we have encountered in previous visits (I just can't even tell you...it would totally disgust you beyond what you can imagine). It seems to fall on deaf ears because nothing is done or changed. We have talked about the hotel room idea, but the inlaws don't have the money (not even half), and we really don't have the extra to foot the whole bill.....they come out for too long!

Because of MIL's health we don't expect that the travel out here will happen for too much longer. Neither of us have the heart to insult her. It's just so hard to live with while they are here.

I felt insulted and incredibly disrespected last year due to some things, but never in my life have I had someone come into my house and help themselves to my toothbrush! With everything so built up...just kinda pushed me over the edge.

I do believe I will be scheduling my vacation away from home for their visit next year!

Sandy55

MsStacy

You ladies are fabulous. I can't vent much about this to my friends and family because I don't want to change the way they feel about my inlaws. The inlaws are truly nice people, just the standard of living is quite a far way down below mine. And it just makes my husband feel helpless and stuck in the middle. He has tried.

Some of the grotesque things that happened last year are starting to happen again, as of today (and NOT the toothbrush). It's too awful and I don't feel comfortable posting it for the universe, but I just really don't know how I'm going to make it two and a half more weeks. Although I overheard a conversation where I think they are taking a little road trip to visit some friends who live a couple hours away in a few days. So I'm thinking I am going to get a couple days with my house back (should be just enough time to clean and sanitize). I'm hoping that happens 'cuz it sure will help. Of course we will be down a car because they always use one of ours when they do this.

As for getting away while they are here, I could...there are a number of places for me to go...my parents live only 5 minutes away. But the inlaws only get to see my daughter two times a year and it is important that they get to spend a lot of time with her while they are here. DD is just now at the age where she remembers them from 8 months ago so it's not like meeting strangers everytime. I want her to have a relationship with them. Both my husband and I agree that we cannot leave daughter alone with them because of safety issues....and truly, we don't trust that they will do what we ask. We have seen with our niece and nephew that they will purposely do something the parents ask them not to.

But...tomorrow is a new day. Daughter has a playgroup, and I have some errands so we will get out of the house and on our own for awhile. I "may" have a number of errands to run this week and just sneak away to my parents for a little break.

As for the toothbrush....I left it where it was....afraid they might go hunting if it wasn't there. I had a new one (which they could have ASKED me for to begin with and I would have gladly given it!) that I have taken to my bedroom...along with my towel....and a growing pile of other items!

Thanks again. So far today, everytime I reach a boiling point I've been able to come here and cool down a little. You might be seeing a lot of me in the coming weeks.

MsStacy

Well, I'm hiding away in my bedroom now. Daughter is asleep, hubby is at work, and the inlaws are snacking on my couch watching tv. I could not take the smell that has overtaken my living room. I have a very large living room, vaulted ceilings, lots of (open) windows, skylights, and doors, and the smell is overpowering. I'm really afraid I won't be able to get the odor out of my couch when this is all over.

amberlynn

you should cover your couch in plastic... okay maybe that was a little mean... have you got any Clorox disenfecting spray? (think i spelled it wrong LOL) that stuff works wonders. just think... what if they sneak in naps on YOUR bed while you're away... oh i would so have to hurt some feelings.. just keep venting.. it will all be over soon. I get a good giggle out of the way you word things.. but i so feel your pain.

Sandy55

"As for the toothbrush....I left it where it was....afraid they might go hunting if it wasn't there. I had a new one (which they could have ASKED me for to begin with and I would have gladly given it!) that I have taken to my bedroom...along with my towel....and a growing pile of other items!"

OMG. I have this mental image of you in your bedroom with this MOUNTAIN of "stuff" standing GUARD before this two weeks is over!!! Am sorry, I feel really bad for you, but this is just getting hysterically funny...gulp. Sorry...

Sandy55

OMG, Amber, don't tell her THAT! Now she is going to lose sleep, she'll be laying there thinking about whether they've been napping on her bed! She'll have to cover the bed in plastic too!

MsStacy: You sound like such a wonderful DIL, and your inlaws are likely good people. I feel so bad for you, and your DH must feel so helpless. Hugs.

amberlynn

we shouldnt laugh.. it isnt funny but seriously... WHAT IF they actually do that.... thats like so wrong.. i would really think about puttin plastic on my couch tho.. would help with the smell..

haha they used the toothbrush... next thing you know someone will be tryin to wear your undies... okay okay im done.. im sorry... just tryin to cheer you up... might be maken it worse tho..

oh oh oh go buy a box of soap and wrap it up and tell her you bought her a gift..give it to her then run like hell... okay... im done now... my evil lil devil is sittin on my shoulder tellin me to say more...

dcrim

Come on, Amber...get it all out of your system!

I can't imagine using someone else's toothbrush...that's just sick to me. I once watched one of those hidden video shows where someone roomie was using their brush to clean the toilet! Both are equally disgusting to me!

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