Masturbating instead of sex? - Page 2

ronnieswifey1120 · 02-08-2008, 06:21 PM

Toward the end of my previous relationship, my partner resorted to masturbation versus coming to me for the real deal. I would always initiate it and he'd kinda just go along with it.

Has your husband lost his sexual attraction to you? It seems like you both have been experimental so maybe you need to focus on another aspect in your regular life. Consider getting professional help. Sometimes a third party POV is what it takes to see both sides of the situation and figure out a solution together. Stay strong, OREO! Good luck to you!

bipolarswife · 02-22-2008, 03:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by demora

A thought, you said that generally when you do have sex, it' lasts for 2-3 hours. Sometimes, it's exhausting or feels like a chore when that expectation is there. I tell my husband we could sex a lot more often if it wasn't always this big 2 or more hour production. Don't get me wrong, I love the sessions - they are a lot of fun, but there's a lot to be said for a morning quickie before work, or just being close before going to sleep.

Maybe his masturbation is a way of satisfying himself without the pressure of a lengthy session.

My thoughts exactly! Sometimes I just want to "do it" not the whole long drawn out candles, music, lingerie, it's exhausting. I'm up for all of that on a Saturday night but on a regular basis it's just too much.

jeanette · 03-08-2008, 06:56 PM

i can relate to your problem, because i am having the very same one, my husband would rather do it hisself than be with me, and i have got to the point that im about to loose it. I really wish i could give some good advice, but after reading what everyone else has said, im still not sure what to do. I have tried acting like i dont care thatwe dont have sex, and he really loves that, because we would go months at a time without it. complaining doesnt do any good, talking doesnt work. so i dont know what else there is to do, im seriously thinking of leaving him after 5 years of marriage. i wish i had more advise for you, but i to am looking for answers

Immortalone · 03-10-2008, 07:08 AM

Something else you might want to ask him. What are you thinking while you masterbate to the porn. It could simply be that he has a fantisy that he is affraid to share with you. guys are not real good about that stuff. He may be simply living out a fantisy in his mind that he is ashamed to tell you about. Some of the advice I see I don't agree with like holding back cooking and stuff. That ends up leading to keeping score on one another. Score cards are a fast track to a divorce.

Just my 2 cents worth in this.

BladeRunner · 04-16-2008, 05:57 PM

Sorry about the late post... I just joined the forum. I am a man who has done his share of masturbation. In a reaction to historic moral condemnation of jerking off, the modern approach is to say that there is nothing wrong with it. This to is incorrect. I don't think that it is morally wrong. I just think that when you are in a relationship, you owe your spouse ALL of your sexual energy. If there are relationship problems, get them out in the open. I am over 50 and went through many distant and disconnected years in my marriage. We only had sex a couple of times a year for a period of over 10 years. My thinking is to issues out in the open and deal with your problems. Otherwise, your life might just slip away while you didn't have what you could have had from your marriage.

wickedlittletown · 04-17-2008, 11:47 AM

I really like immortal's response.

I am a woman and had similar issues. What I am talking about is I had fantasies that I was not sure my husband would be down with and was a little embarrassed by it. I also kind of felt like he was doing more sexually and was expecting things of me in return. Which he should. But I don't deal well under pressure to 'perform'. It was easier for me to keep my little fantasy to myself and take care of myself alone. I have talked about it with him since then. He didn't react how I thought he would and is willing to work with me on my fantasy thing to an extent. If this is what's going on though it would be best to let him bring it up. I wouldn't have wanted to tell my husband about it before I felt ready. Like a few of the posts said maybe you are coming on too strong and he is intimidated. You set your standards so high and maybe he just wants a quickie every now and then.

qq49h · 04-18-2008, 06:55 AM

My wife and I have a good sexual relationship. There are still times when I take care of myself because we are too busy or I am just home alone. With 4 kids it is difficult to carve out some time. She is cool with it and she does it too. I still very much prefer the real thing.

carmaenforcer · 04-18-2008, 02:47 PM

My Wife never takes care of business, comes to me for that, but even then it's not that often. I on the other hand am a horn dog and if possible would enjoy sexual release 4 or 5 times a day.
The math says it all, I need to take care of business from time to time, but it's something not talked about and dirty to my Wife.
I am having to live a double life of sorts because of it and I hate hiding my porn and feeling like I'm lurking in the shadows.
Some year I hope to have a more open and open minded sexual relationship with my spouse like some of you guys have.

In this relationship I obviously have to masturbate or just go without, but I was in a different situation with my previous partner.
Sex was great and my girls friends appetite was as strong, if not stronger than mine and we still both took care of personal business on a regular.

I say do what you want and bonus if your partner is cool.

GAsoccerman · 04-18-2008, 11:26 PM

we are like QQ, we have three kids, often either to tired or they are around when we want to play.

We both do self pleasure and it's fully acceptable.

Plus my wife has confided in me, she really enjoys her days off home alone and she can play with her toy for HOURS. I have no problem with that.

Cooper · 04-28-2008, 06:36 PM

My guess is it's just eaiser for him to pleasure himself then go thru a two hour love session. Sometims a guy just wants a release to help him get to sleep. I know that isn't the politically correct answer but from my years of experience and talking to my buds this can be the truth. I will say that looking at porn is something I don't agree with. I believe it just moves you one step closer to cheating and one step further away from being truly commited to your spouse. JMO