Does he really want to get married?
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Old 07-09-2009, 05:19 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Does he really want to get married?

I have been dating my fiancee about 4 and half years I thought love at 1st sight he tells me he loves me all the time and I love him with my whole heart but I dont think he wants to get married. I think he doesnt want to get married but he doesnt want to break up either. He lives over an hour away and he has the opposite schedule than I do. he works 7-330 I am in retail so my hours are all over the board. It is really hard to get together. The reason I dont think he wants to get is 1. I basically gave him ultimatum about getting married (dated over 3 yrs when told him, he waited til the "deadline" so that took a lot romance out of that didnt want to give ultimatum waited as long as could. the way he proposed was almost like "u wanna?" We have not set the date he wont told him have to set date his reason is that we need to make more money and his parents are dependant on his income. He lives with his parents and has mininum wage job. Im in the same boat except my parents don't rely on my income He has asked me to move in but there is no way I could live with his parents. they smoke like chimneys and very overbearing(when visit I sometimes feel suffocated) When it me and him alone or with other people that is not his parents. its wonderful. another reason I don't think he wants to get married is that he is a high school drop out and he wont get his GED I didnt want to be a nagging girlfriend but he wont study unless I tell him. He refuses to find a job that is literary in his hometown. andasked gim for pre marital counseling he says no. I am busting my butt trying to find a job near him but his hometown is really really repressed job-wise I know everywhere going through economic challenges but he lives town that closed all steel mills and never recovered. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one in this relationship. Am I being too demanding, a doormat? any ideas please
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Old 07-09-2009, 06:20 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does he really want to get married?

With so many issues BEFORE you are even married, I can't imagine why you want to get married!

He makes all sorts of excuses and doesn't sound enthused. You seem to be making all the "adjustments" for him and it isn't being reciprocated.

And he lives with his parents. BIG RED FLAG.

You need to move on before he does marry you. Scary.
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Old 07-09-2009, 07:53 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does he really want to get married?

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Originally Posted by sweetgal View Post
I have been dating my fiancee about 4 and half years I thought love at 1st sight he tells me he loves me all the time and I love him with my whole heart but I dont think he wants to get married. I think he doesnt want to get married but he doesnt want to break up either. He lives over an hour away and he has the opposite schedule than I do. he works 7-330 I am in retail so my hours are all over the board. It is really hard to get together. The reason I dont think he wants to get is 1. I basically gave him ultimatum about getting married (dated over 3 yrs when told him, he waited til the "deadline" so that took a lot romance out of that didnt want to give ultimatum waited as long as could. the way he proposed was almost like "u wanna?" We have not set the date he wont told him have to set date his reason is that we need to make more money and his parents are dependant on his income. He lives with his parents and has mininum wage job. Im in the same boat except my parents don't rely on my income He has asked me to move in but there is no way I could live with his parents. they smoke like chimneys and very overbearing(when visit I sometimes feel suffocated) When it me and him alone or with other people that is not his parents. its wonderful. another reason I don't think he wants to get married is that he is a high school drop out and he wont get his GED I didnt want to be a nagging girlfriend but he wont study unless I tell him. He refuses to find a job that is literary in his hometown. andasked gim for pre marital counseling he says no. I am busting my butt trying to find a job near him but his hometown is really really repressed job-wise I know everywhere going through economic challenges but he lives town that closed all steel mills and never recovered. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one in this relationship. Am I being too demanding, a doormat? any ideas please
Yes, you are being too demanding.. and to make it worse your placing the demands on someone who may not even be a good candiate for marriage.
You should not try to move near him, go to a place that has work, not one that is repressed.
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Old 07-09-2009, 08:14 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does he really want to get married?

You may want to think about moving on. Simply put, you can't change other people. And for you to be happy in this relationship, he is going to have to make some major changes. That is a waste of your time.
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Old 07-10-2009, 10:25 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does he really want to get married?

By refusing to set a date or make realistic plans for what happens after you get married he may in fact be telling you that he is not ready. He certainly doesnít sound like he feels financially (and maybe emotionally) ready and you need to really hear that. A successful marriage is all about good communication. If youíre up for it you should ask him the very question youíre asking us, but be ready for an answer you might not want to hear. Whatever you do don't go into a marriage without discussing these things. And think about whether or not you really want to be married to someone who canít show their excitement for your pending marriage.
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Old 07-10-2009, 12:38 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does he really want to get married?

Ultimatums are a wonderful idea huh? They work every time and with a resounding positive outcome...

Douche this pool of festering fecal matter...he won't amount to anything...ever...you're better off flushing him like a bad taco than realizing in five years that you have made a mistake.

Preacher
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Old 07-10-2009, 01:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does he really want to get married?

My husband asked me to marry him a few weeks after we met. I could not imagine giving a guy an ultimatum to marry !!!!
I'd just move on if he had no interest in me.
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Old 07-10-2009, 01:37 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does he really want to get married?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JDPreacher View Post
Ultimatums are a wonderful idea huh? They work every time and with a resounding positive outcome...

Douche this pool of festering fecal matter...he won't amount to anything...ever...you're better off flushing him like a bad taco than realizing in five years that you have made a mistake.

Preacher
JD: Wouldn't want you to soft soap that.....
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