I was in a highly sexual relationship for over 8 years. He was wrong for me on so many levels but the sex kept me around. When it came time to marry I just couldn't do it because I knew without the sex, there was little else there.
Good sex can confuse things......... I know that first hand.
Now I finally ripped myself away from all that madness and a relationship that would have destroyed me on all levels and found a nice man who doesn't play games.
The thing about it, was I really wasn't looking nor did I expect to marry in my late 40's, more so after the ex.
Thankfully................... ex did not destroy me to where I could not trust or love someone again.
I think in your case, his sticking around has something to do with equity in the house. You can be sure since he wants a divorce, that what he wants isn't in your favor.
In this situation, it is in your best interest to refuse to have sex with him anymore. It only keeps you emotionally connected to him, and that is the LAST thing you need. Be a strong woman and tell him, "out." You will feel better about yourself.
Tell him you would like to sleep with a husband who is committed and who wants to make the marriage work. As long as he says he's leaving and has one foot out the door, he is not that man. Sex will only serve to keep you in a weak position, because you still love him. He doesn't get to play you like this.
Why is life so damned unfair. I thought we would grow old together
AMEN! I know what you mean. Are you a religious person at all? My faith in God has helped me get through this. I also started going back to church after my estranged husband and I separated. I found a whole community there to offer me loving support. I have to believe there is a reason for my suffering and have accepted it. Perhaps something better is ahead for those of us who find ourselves at this spot in life.
Originally Posted by mumof2
I am STILL crying. What the hell is wrong with me today.
There is nothing wrong with you. I'm afraid this is normal. I cried for months and couldn't focus on a thing.
I wouldn't call myself religious, but I do have an inner faith, that after my husband had a very serious accident many years ago, gave me much comfort.
Based on this, I'm going to make a rather odd suggestion. There's a book titled "Ask Your Guides" by Sonia Chocquette which you might find helpful. It is in the "New Age" section. I discovered the book on one of my darkest days and it gave me a real sense of peace. Since reading that book I no longer feel "alone". In addition I now listen to my intuition much more. Just a thought.....
That will be me some time soon I know. I am just so scared. The kids are grown, now H will be gone. I have never been my own person, and don't quite know how to be
I agree with the other posters that sex confuses things, especially when you state the above (which I have felt as well about myself). I think as we women emerge from "mothering" we want to see ourselves a strong and sexy and who we were meant to be. It's almost like we feel the need to make up for lost time in the sex department. Or maybe our hormones are doing a number on us. Anyway, even though the sex is compelling it is just as much a problem for a woman in your situation as it is for a teen age girl. You need to figure out who you are. If you husband does not want to be married. Tell him to either commit to you or leave so you can BE and appreciate YOURSELF!!