preso

Its like a broken record in most all the threads.
report it....

mumof2

Do you think I should be sleeping with H now he has said he is 'seeing how it goes'.
I am not just sure but I am a woman with needs, don't know if I can hold out!!!

preso

If it were me in your shoes........... no

not as long as he is thinking about divorce.

Seeing how it goes means nothing. Just buys him time.

GPR

NO

/thread

sisters359

Way to go, girl, cutting off the sex spigot!!

Please remember you will have ups and downs, and the downs always feel like they will never go away. They will. Make a list NOW of things to do when you are stuck; you won't be able to think of things then. And remember, you won't WANT to do anything, so you do have to force yourself. Even if it is something lame, do it just to get in the habit of pushing yourself. But, better, make a list of ways to "baby" yourself IF you can do so without feeling too sorry for yourself. Redo your nails, take a bubble bath, go to the spa, get a massage, go to the library and wander around reading a bit of whatever you see, call a friend, write a blog (you don't have to make it public), go to the pet store, take kids to a silly movie, etc., etc. Also give yourself permission to think for some time at a specific time of day--I let myself feel sorry for myself but only at a given time for a given amount of time. As time passes, I find I don't need all that time always. It does get easier--heartbreak is really hard, and add to that all the stress of having to re-imagine your life, well, of course you will cry! The trick is, to make crying productive and limited. Please let us know how you are doing!!

Heidiw

If your still having sex then stop! I was doing the same thing but you can't turn off the emotional side of it. Then you start doing wondering if it could work on the marriage still. All it is is a game & I would know trust me. My husband has been cut off completely. Even though he doesn't want to be with me he is always getting a hold of me & wanting to hang out with me. I can't get away long enough to clear my head.

Don't let this continue & ask him to sleep in another room, on couch, or find some where else to sleep all together. You need to be strong. He's got to see what he is throwing away by wanting to separate. Mine is going thru that & all I want is to be happy with or without him.

dcrim

Mum, when I was dumped, I took off work for a couple of days but found that when I did go back to work my job kept my mind off the xgf.

It was the commute (turned the radio up loud) and the lonely time at home that got me thinking again. Then one day I woke up and it was gone.

Mine was "only" a 3.5 year relationship (that I moved across country for!) and I was getting used to the idea that she lied the whole time so maybe that's why it only took a few weeks for me. I don't know; but I do know it will ease.

As for your needs...have you thought about a toy?

__________________
It ain't illegal until you're caught!

Corpuswife

If you decide to not have sex with him anymore, then get him out of the bedroom.

I tried this sleep together but no sex. It was driving me crazy. I felt some relief and could actually sleep once he left the room.

mumof2

I know what everyone is saying. I just dont know what is wrong with me at the minute. I am normally such a rational person and have always been the strong one.

Sandy55

Could it be that the sex is just comforting to you? That you feel some security with it, or that it may be a way of keeping yourself in denial that the split may not actually happen?

It could also be that he's had someone on the side, that person is waivering, and now he is "thinking" of sticking around.

mumof2

I don't think there is someone else, but you are right about it being some comfort.

It is like he is back to the old H and nothing has changed, till afterwards then reality hits.

When H gave me his news I felt totally unwanted so I suppose some of it is also a bit of satisfaction that I know I can still really turn him on.

Sandy55

"it is also a bit of satisfaction that I know I can still really turn him on".

Ahhh:

This gives you a sense of power.
His telling you he doesn't want to be with you any longer leaves you powerless.
So having sex, knowing you can still "plow his field" quite well and leave him smiling gives you a sense of power and control over him.

I understand that TOTALLY.

mumof2

Thats it Sandy55

It has given me back just a little bit of control i think. And he has actually been asking me what I want in the bedroom and taking his time so its not as if it has been all over for his satisfaction.

preso

You should have him painting the house instead of having sex with him

mumof2

Actually thats not a bad idea